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sirowsky · 3 years ago

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The Lonely Castle

Chapter 10 - Lives Forgotten

Chapter Summary: History is brought to the surface for both Pero and Ember, though in vastly different ways. And Ash has some surprises in store for Pero, which will both complicate, and simplify things, from now on.

Author's Note: There's a lot of conversation in this chapter, like A LOT, so sorry if that's not your thing.

Rating: Mature 18+ONLY Warnings: cursing, angst, unspecified descriptions of domestic abuse, magic, minor character death, historical errors a plenty. Word Count: 7063 Masterlist (this story) Author’s Masterlist

It was so invigorating galloping through the snow at full speed on such a specimen of an animal, that she almost forgot her worries for a few moments, as they sprinted away from Boden. Not a single word passed between the two companions during their shared journey, and Rosa kept behind her the entire way, following her lead without hesitation or question.

Ember did her best to ignore her, only glancing over her shoulder now and then, to make certain the woman was still there, while keeping her focus on trying to recall how to ride, as it had been more than ten years since she last mounted a horse. Her father had owned a small but sturdy mare, which she had inherited when she took over his trade, in order to make deliveries, or to haul greater amounts of materials home, whenever a customer had placed a larger order. It had fallen ill and died a few years later, and they had never replaced the old mare, deciding to save their coin instead, should something happen to father, which would’ve meant the women would’ve been forced to support themselves, as they would’ve no longer been able to rely on Ember’s skillset for coin. She was glad to see that her body largely remembered the activity, falling back into the familiar rhythms with ease, despite the stallion being both larger, stronger and feistier than the mare had been. He constantly pushed further, wanting to run faster, complaining when she held him back, by whipping his tail and throwing his head, but he didn’t buck. He wasn’t trying to get rid of her, just assert his strongly held opinion that no speed was too great for his majestic self. She liked him. His energy was infectious, and helped make the journey somewhat less dull, not to mention lessen some of her increasing sense of impending doom. But when darkness began to fall, all lightness fled her chest along with the sun, and she found herself studying shadows, imagining them hiding beasts, ready to pounce at any moment. She guided her horse to a clearing in the woods, just off the road, and dismounted, still amazed that the animal showed no sign of tiring, despite the many hours of running. Inspecting his saddlebags produced both blankets to sleep on, and a large bundle of good rope, meaning her old ‘friend’ was perhaps not as inept at caring for herself as Ember might have assumed. If there was one thing that was invaluable on a journey on horseback; it was rope. She tied a length of it between two trees, and then tied the stallion to that by a loop, meaning he could move back and forth between those trees, scraping the ground to uncover some food. She left the saddle and bridle on, in case they needed to make a hasty departure, and saw Rosa do the same with her grey mare.

“You’ve travelled like this before.”

It wasn’t a question, but Rosa felt compelled to explain, all the same.

“Yes. I’ve been to both Hallen and Crown Hill many times. My husband likes to bring me along when he goes to trade.”

“Not that it’s any of my business, but if it’s your husband you’re fleeing from, shouldn’t you try to avoid places where he’s known and perhaps respected?”

“Hallen might be friendly towards him, but so it is to me. I have made many connections there, and have assurances that I will find help there should I need it.”

“Okay. Just checking.”

They fell silent again as they prepared beds for themselves, by digging the snow away from the ground, covering the exposed patch with pine-branches, putting the blankets down on top, before laying down and using their own cloaks as covers. It wasn’t overly comfortable, but it was warm enough to keep them alive for a night. Ember didn’t expect to be able to sleep much. There was a full moon rising upon a clear sky, creating deep shadows around them, and she was increasingly aware of how exposed they were out there, sitting up every so often to investigate a sound, only to discover it to be a squirrel or fox. And of course, Rosa noticed.

“What are you so scared of?”

“Trust me on this; you don’t wanna know.”

“Well, your insistent moving is noisy, and prevents me from sleeping, so if you’re going to keep me up all night, we might as well talk. I’m sure you have questions.”

Rosa sat up, turning to look at her companion, seeming to settle in for a conversation. Ember wasn’t really in the mood to talk, but perhaps it would prevent her from going mad with trepidation, and it was true that there were things she wished to understand. She mirrored the woman, sitting up and turning herself completely to face her.

“Fine. Did you start that fire?”

She obviously hadn’t expected that question, or at least, not as a start, so her answer was slightly delayed.

“��Yes.”

She seemed perplexed by Ember’s lack of outrage at her actions, but this particular fletcher knew all too well how far a desperate person might go. She did wonder as to the nature of that desperation, though.

“You do realise that you might be responsible for burning down the entire town, right? That’s many livelihoods and homes forever lost, because of you. Are you sure you could live with that?”

“All I know is that I can’t live there anymore, and I’ll do anything I have to, to be free of it.”

Ember had never really known the fisher’s daughter, but with their similarity of age, they’d sort of followed each other through life, and she did know a few things about the woman. Such as that the man she’d married was called Eric Norman, a truly gifted leatherworker whose skills in making clothes was well known throughout the area, and saw him and his wife live a comfortable life as the second richest family in Boden, after the Constable. They were by all accounts, a happy couple, popular with the town and known to be kind and friendly to most everyone. But she also knew that Rosa had never born a child, despite being married for over fifteen years already, and most men did not take kindly to barren women. However, such a thing was grounds for annulment of marriage, and most men would simply divorce and find someone else to wed.

“Is it because of Eric? Does he treat you badly?”

Her gaze fell to the ground at that, and a humourless huff escaped her.

“You were right when we were children, to scoff at marriage. I had been taught that being the woman on a man’s arm was the only true honour in life, which is why I was so offended by your reaction back then. But I was a child, and knew nothing of what I spoke. I was blinded by ambition, and the idea of love, but I know now that no such thing exists.”

“What? Love?”

“It’s just a construct of the mind, no more real than dreams.”

“Why would you think that?”

“Because I hold his arm and I smile and curtsy and he looks at me like a lovesick fool, whenever we leave the house. But once we return… the things he does to me… If that was love, none would seek it.”

“Does he punish you for not bearing fruit?”

Her eyes came back to meet Ember’s, and a harshness had settled into the woman’s gaze.

“He doesn’t want me to. He spills his seed anywhere but to my womb. All he wants is just to hurt me, he even confesses to it when he gets worked up, how he loves to hear me cry in pain.”

“Rosa… that’s not normal. That’s not what everyone experiences.”

“No? Then why do I see the same insincere faces that I place upon my own, to keep his depravity secret, everywhere I go? Why do most women I meet have that same hopelessness in their eyes, as I feel in my heart?”

“That I couldn’t say. Perhaps they, like you as a child, dreamed of fantastical things, only to learn that the real world is hard and cold and demands more of us than we believe ourselves capable of. Maybe there’s more than one reason why people might adapt a false expression.”

“I would have thought you, of all people, would agree with me. You were never blinded by those dreams. You were always so serious, so unaffected by attention, never seeking or even wanting love, of that sort. You were so adamant, so sure about yourself and rejecting anything that didn’t suit you, propriety be damned.”

“It’s true that I was never interested in being a lady, it seemed much too dull to me. And it’s not until recently that I even allowed myself to consider the possibility of love. But not because I didn’t want to before, only because I didn’t have the luxury of dreams.”

That made Rosa pause, and cock her head to the side.

“Why not? I thought you were allowed to do anything you wanted? It certainly seemed like it.”

“No, not at all. It’s true that my parents allowed me to pursue interest that were perhaps not suited to me, but only because they knew that they might become dependent on my abilities in the future.”

“How come?”

“My father was very ill. He hid it well enough to fool a visitor, but by the time you were married, I was taking over his craft, making weapons that went to sale, in his place.”

That made her eyes widen in shock.

“Oh, gosh… You made…? So, that’s why you disappeared. We all wanted to believe Ethedred, she was so distraught, but it was such an odd timing, and then the Guard…”

“Mother made me go, I didn’t want to. I assumed they’d kill her, but if she’s alive, I have to try and save her.”

“You do realise that no other woman would even think such a thought, much less actually try it. But I suppose, that’s why I decided to try and elicit your help, once I saw you walk into town. Because you’re so different.”

“You must’ve packed and saddled the horses mighty quickly. I was only in town for half an hour.”

“I have brought nothing but what I need to get to Hallen, I don’t want anything to remind me of this time. And I’m good with horses, I can ready them in no time as long as they’re clean.”

“What are their names?”

“The stallion is Scout, and the mare is Luna. If my contacts honour our arrangement, you can take them both as payment, as I’ll be travelling by boat next and won’t be able to bring either.”

“I appreciate that, but I might not be able to take them either, depending on what happens with mother and the Guard.”

“Then sell them. They’ll fetch a good price, especially with such fine saddles.”

“Thank you, Rosa. I never imagined I’d be in a position where I’d feel grateful to you, but I am.”

“Hey, you’re the one saving me, Snow. I don’t require your thanks. Especially not after how I’ve treated you in the past.”

Ember offered a slight smile in response. She had never held any grudges against this woman, even if she did perhaps have enough cause to. Such things had always seemed too unimportant to waste energy on, to her.

“You’re taking the river next, then?”

“Yes. I don’t know how far I’ll go, but at least far enough that Eric will never find me. My friends have simpler clothes waiting for me, and will help disguise me for the journey.”

“It takes a great deal of courage to walk away from all things known. You’re very strong.”

She merely nodded, hesitating to ask something else, but only for a moment.

“You said that it was only recently you’d discovered love. May I ask what you meant by that? Did someone actually manage to find you in favour?”

She couldn’t help but avert her gaze, staring off into the shadows while she tried to decide whether or not she was willing to talk about Pero.

“When I was away… I fell in love with a man that helped me. But he’s gone now, so there’s nothing more to say.”

“See? I told you, just a construct of the mind. A dream that can never be achieved.”

She tried in vain to stop the tears from falling, as she shifted her gaze back to the woman, and entire mountains of pain seemed to fill her voice.

“But it was for me. I lived it. For one glorious night, the dream was real… He was perfect, and then he was gone, torn from me by a darkness neither of us can escape. I’ve tried to blame him, to hate him for leaving me, but I can’t, because in my heart I know that he didn’t want to go.”

“How could you possibly make any judgement based on a single night? That’s not nearly enough to know if you love someone or not. Besides, if he truly loved you, then he wouldn’t have left, no matter what.”

“It’s not that simple, Rosa. There’s so much-…”

She cut herself off and quickly tried to blink the tears away, when she realised that something was moving, further down the road, keeping to the shadows. She quickly put a cautionary finger against her lips, so that Rosa would know to stay quiet, while she reached for her bow. If it was one of the others, the weapon wouldn’t save them, but if she was gonna die, she was gonna do it fighting for her life. Because as much as the pain in her heart had made her want to lay down and give up, she never would. And not just to have a hope of saving her mother, but because there was still a chance, however small, that she might see her beloved grump once more, and that alone was enough to make the fight worth it. Rosa’s situation had only clarified her own fortunes, in not having been forced into a marriage, with or without love, or suffered the pain of a man that took no care for her desires, or pleasures. Pero truly was perfect, in every way a man could be, and she would fight for him until her dying breath. How peculiar that it was the words of Rosa Fisher that had made her realise her fortunes. She stayed completely still, watching the spot where she’d seen movement, very intently, and she was just about to decide that enough time had passed for her to have misjudged the shadows, when something moved again. And this time, she could make out its contours against the snow.

“Untie your horse, and pray she’s fast enough to outrun the devil.”

It was barely a whisper, but the ice in her voice carried over to her companion, and the woman sprung to action as Ember did. Dawn was still hours away, and so was Hallen, even at a full sprint.

Pero had very nearly thrown up twice by the time the sun broke over the horizon, and almost fallen off some half-dozen times already, when the beast shifted directions, without warning altering the way the wind hit him. Birds made it seem so easy. Of course, it didn’t help that he was distracted, his mind lingering on those last images of the castle, being overrun by monsters, but no Snow in sight. His heart told him that she was still alive. He refused to believe that it would still be beating if her soul had left it, whether his mind knew it or not. His beloved was still alive, he had to believe that, or he would have nothing left to fight for. He would suffer her anger, disappointment, even sorrow, for the chance to hold her again. He knew that her reaction had been her way of protecting herself, and he didn’t have any blame to lay upon her, for doing what she needed to do after he’d made such an impactful decision for the both of them. But he wished they’d had more time. That he could’ve explained in full, so that she would’ve had a chance to understand why there hadn’t really been a choice. The others still tracked them, but Ash had managed to outrun them by the time she began to drop towards the ground once more. He was nervous about the landing, but she pushed the front of her body upwards, putting her rear legs down first, which resulted in a very soft touchdown, and allowed him to cling to her neck for most of it. Her wings disappeared, scattering into fading sparks, the moment she no longer needed them, and Pero jumped off as soon as they were safely on the ground, before doubling over and putting his hands on his knees in the deep snow, finally unable to force his stomach to hold on to its contents. He scooped some fresh snow into his mouth to rinse it out, before rising to his feet to look around. The morning sun was shining on a large structure, coated by the three feet of snow that had already fallen there, despite winter having only just started. It stood alone in an otherwise completely empty landscape. Not one tree or mountain or even hill could be seen, it was just an endless flat white surface, in every direction.

“Where are we?”

“We call it The Land of Lost Souls. The snow never thaws, and the winds can become so powerful that men will be blown away by them. It has no name, for none live here, and those that venture this way, die before they ever get this far, which is precisely why the demons and the Knights decided to build our temple here. Stay close to me, Tovar, or the cold will soon render you unmovable.”

It hadn’t occurred to him until that moment, that he hadn’t felt cold at all during their journey, despite flying through what had to be cold winds, for an entire night. Whatever fire the beast had access to, in order to create those wings, it apparently also made her capable of emanating a great deal of warmth around herself. He walked up to the side of her head, and followed closely as she led him towards the structure. It appeared to have been made with stone, although Pero struggled to understand how anyone could’ve hauled such materials out there, in a land so unforgiving, much less managed to work all day, presumably for years, judging by the sheer size of the thing, in such harsh conditions. They reached… well, not a door, it was much too big to be called that, a portal was perhaps more accurate, on the south side of the building, seemingly made from ice, and Ash nodded at him to open it. It had to be thirty feet high, and twenty feet wide, he’d never be able to push it open, it must weigh more than a whole herd of bison. He eyed the creature suspiciously.

“You’re joking, right?”

She just shook her head, and then nodded towards the door. He sighed and stepped closer, looking for a handle, but couldn’t find one. He thought that perhaps the snow had concealed it, so he ran a hand over the surface, and momentarily lingered when the smoothness of it took him by surprise. But before he could do anything else, the ice was suddenly just gone, and a vast hallway appeared before them.

“There are no regular doors into this place. We sealed it using ancient magic, so that only those with elemental blood can gain access. The others no longer have their blood, so try as they might, they could never get in.”

“Did you know that when you built this? I’m assuming you helped the Knights, because this place would be impossible for humans to make by themselves.”

“We did help, yes, but this was made long before our powers began to fade. Nearly a thousand years ago now. It was merely a fortunate coincidence that it also kept the others out. Had we known, we would’ve built more of these structures, to try and keep humans safe, but by the time we’d realised what was happening to us, our ties to the ancient magic had already been lost, with our collective weakening. And it wouldn’t have made much difference in the end, as the binding forces that maintain this magic will be broken once all elementals have perished.”

She walked inside and Pero followed, straining his neck to see all the way up to the ceiling, maybe a hundred yards away. There had to be windows up there, because light bounced off the walls and filled the entire building, which he could now see was a blend between stone walls and ice columns and ceilings. And it wasn’t just tall; it was enormous. The entire city of Boden could have fit into it.

“Why make it so big?”

She had to stop in order to answer him, but she started again as soon as she fell silent.

“Because back then, there were hundreds of us, and each of us had at least one Knight, so our councils were crowded.”

“Wait, I don’t understand. What do you mean you had Knights?”

He stopped walking when he noticed that they’d reached the middle of the structure. The columns that stood at regular intervals along the hall, stopped, opening the space up into a large dome, twice as high as the rest of the ceiling, held up by a symmetrical web of ice high above their heads, and he could see another four halls leading up to it, identical to the one they’d passed through. And right in the middle, a sculpture made of ice seemed to be perpetually falling from the sky, apparently held to the very centre of the dome by an ever-twisting spiral of snowflakes, and nothing more. There was no rope, or continuing tendril of ice reaching towards it from above. Nothing solid at all, just a vortex of snowflakes, not attached to anything other than the air around them, but still somehow holding up the suspended figure. It portrayed a creature similar to Ash, but bigger in every sense of the word, particularly if the depiction had been made to scale, as it was easily three times her size. Had it been alive, its wings would’ve been made of flesh and bone, having taken the place of its front legs, and the entire being appeared to be made to kill, garnered in deadly spikes and horns on every available surface, and even its skin looked like it could cut through flesh, as it was covered in something similar to fish-scales. Its head was broad and filled with sharp angles, its eyes positioned forwards, like most predators, with its jaws held fully opened, and teeth bared as it dove straight towards the ground, where another sculpture, this one made of stone, stood directly underneath it. A human, carved to scale but quite small, wearing clothes similar to Pero’s own, but as he stepped round to the front of it, he realised that it was a young woman, a girl, probably not even eligible for marriage yet. Her face was sad, but held no trace of fear, even as she stared straight up into the eyes of the monster that was a mere moment away from devouring her. There was something immeasurably powerful about that girl. Pero stared at her for a long while, trying to ascertain just what it was that he saw in her calmness and sorrow, that made her seem so unbreakable to him, but it kept evading his grasp.

“Who was she?”

“We never knew her name, or where she came from, or what possessed her to defy the demon. All we know is that this is where it all began.”

He kept circling the two opposing sculptures while she told the story, stopping every now and then to just listen, before nervous energy made him move again.

“We know that this happened long ago, in the early years of men, atop a mountain somewhere, so tall that most wouldn’t even survive climbing it, but where this girl and her tribe lived. We believe that this fire-demon attacked them, either to feast on the animals they kept, or on the men themselves, in whichever case, this girl was the last survivor. But she chose not to flee. Nor fight. She recognised the demon’s might, and made the decision to let it take her, in honour of its superiority.”

Sacrifice. That was what he saw in her face. The acceptance of one who’s chosen her fate and is at peace with all things, even herself. What a tremendous thing for one so young.

“The demon crushed and ate her, but because of her sacrifice, nature rewarded her by letting her soul meld with his, for just a few moments before it left this world, forcing him to feel everything that she had felt throughout her life. And in his confusion and fear, the demon released his flames upon the mountain, burning so hot that all the snow thawed, exposing the earth and creating lakes and rivers, and forcing the wind down into the valley he’d created, and thus, all elements had been brought together by his power. But when his flame ran out and his fear was quieted, he was no longer a mindless beast. He understood what he had done, the pain and sorrow he’d caused, and he begged the mountain to take his life in penance. It granted him his plea, letting him fall where he stood among the fruits of his rage, and from his body, nature tore four pieces and gave to each of the elements, thus creating the first of us.”

Pero stopped and looked at Ash.

“Why? What’s your purpose? The elements exist with or without you, don’t they?”

“Yes. We were a gift to the human race. A way to help you better understand nature, and to live in harmony with it. We explained why forests burn down, why the sky sometimes rumbles so hard it seems as though it might fall down, and why the ground sometimes shakes until it opens up and swallows the land. We were a gift to you, given because of the selfless act of one human, which proved to the Earth that your souls are good and pure. And for centuries, we coexisted, helping one another. Until one day, when a man discovered something that could pierce our skin, and decided that such a thing might give him power over us. His discovery could have led to a war between our species, and those that understood the true value of our powers, tried to explain that his endeavour was foolish and wrong, but he was blinded by ambition. Realising they had no other choice, a small group of people came together to share the burden of ending his life, and made sure to scrub all knowledge of the weapon he had created, from the world.”

“They were the first Knights.”

“Indeed. After that day, an agreement was struck between our species, never to raise arms against one another, but also that perhaps it was best if the larger population didn’t know about demons. Because there would always be those who would seek to test our strength. So, we hid. For a very long time, none of us showed ourselves to any human that wasn’t a Knight, and after a while, we became legends, and then we were completely forgotten. The Knights remained our allies, and kept teaching the people the things we’d taught them, but with the years, people stopped listening, and the knights grew old and died. And then we started losing our powers, and now here we are.”

“Why didn’t you create more Knights? Bring younger people into your council?”

“We did, for a while. But the more people forgot about us, the more we started being met by fear whenever we tried to reveal ourselves to a person with the deviant blood. And since the transfer requires a bite, and there was often no Knight available to help explain what we were trying to do, the chosen ones often ended up going mad, and eventually it all seemed to cause more damage than it was worth.”

“So, this place is just a monument now. No more than a memory. But then, why bring me here? You could’ve told me all this anywhere.”

“The Temple is much more than that. This place is imbued with the most powerful magic that still exists in this world, and through it, there are things I can do that would be impossible elsewhere. I brought you here for two reasons, Tovar. Both of whom breaks every rule and code that this council once gave one another. But I face a precipice, with nothing but fire behind me, so all I can do is jump, and hope that as it was for this brave girl, my sacrifice will be enough.”

“What do you mean, ‘your sacrifice’?”

“I won’t be leaving this Temple with you. But before we get to that, there’s something I must give you.”

Pero was about to press the matter, when she suddenly rose to her hindlegs and sparked her wings into existence once more. But she didn’t take off. Instead, she lifted her wings up to encircle the sculpture of the fire-demon, and then a strange sound escaped her. Not a growl or a shriek or a vibration, but a kind of song. Something sombre and quiet, but as it bounced off the walls and through the ice, it seemed to take on a life of its own, echoing louder and louder, until the twisting vortex of snowflakes suddenly stopped, and the sound disappeared. For maybe two seconds, everything was eerily still, and then the sculpture of the fire-demon came alive. It was still suspended in the same spot, but it twisted its body to face Ash, and when their eyes met, the sculpture reached its winged front legs towards her, revealing a weapon which had suddenly had just appeared in its paws. Ash took it, and the moment she did, the entire sculpture turned into snowflakes, swirling through the air for a few seconds, before they collectively made their slow journey down to the floor. She let her wings fade away, the sparks joining the snow in a strange little dance between heat and cold, before they all died out. Then she held the weapon out to Pero, who took it with a knit brow, having suddenly forgotten his burning questions from before.

“What exactly am I meant to do with this?”

“Defeat the others. Don’t be fooled by its blunt appearance, what you hold in your hands is the only thing that can pierce our skin.”

What he was holding was a mace, or club, with a metal handle about the length of his lower arm, which connected to a top roughly the size of his hand, and which appeared to be made of bone. Eight white flanges filled the rounded head of the weapon, but he’d never seen a design like this one before. Each flange was quite small, not rising from the body of the head by much more than half a finger, and unlike the typical blunt edge of such a weapon, to buckle armour without getting stuck in it, these had been made sharp. Meaning this weapon wasn’t made for battling an armoured enemy. At least, not any armour known to men.

“Is this bone?”

“Yes. Stolen from a demon that died of old age, before it could be consumed by nature. We hid it here, where we knew that none could find it, or get to it.”

“This is from one of you?”

“The teeth of our own kin are the only things that can cut us, but the man that made this weapon, figured that our teeth are just visible parts of the skeleton, and bone should work just as well. Unfortunately, he was right. I believe that his betrayal of the friendship between our species, is what ultimately made the elements leave us. With the trust broken, and the demons forced into hiding and forgotten, nature’s generous gift to you was no longer appreciated, and thus, it was rescinded, to the detriment of us all. It’s quite fitting, really. That when our species respected each other, we both thrived, and now that that relationship has been lost, we all suffer.”

“I suppose that makes sense. But how the hell do you expect me to take on a small army of demons with just one weapon? Why not make more, create an army of our own to meet them?”

“Because you won’t find an army of people willing to help quickly enough. People don’t want to believe that the monsters in the shadows are actually real, and if they did see those monsters, their inclination wouldn’t be to fight them, even if they had weapons. But that mace isn’t the only reason I brought you here. I have another gift for you, and this one will enable you to take on an army, all by yourself.”

He scowled incredulously at her. Because it would take power beyond belief for any human to be able to fight an army of demons by themselves. He watched her close her eyes, and a moment later, the entire Temple began to rumble and vibrate. The remaining sculpture of the girl turned to pebbles and scattered over the stone floor, before a powerful wind nearly knocked Pero over, as it swept through the cavernous space, but didn’t leave. It turned into a twister around him and Ash, lifting the pebbles that were once a girl, and the snowflakes that had been a demon, from the floor, and keeping them spinning through the room, before sparks from Ash’s sides were drawn into it as well. She opened her eyes again once all the elements had been united, and then she turned back to him.

“Listen to me now, Tovar. I’m dying. And when I go, the last tether to the magic of the elements will be lost, and the darkness will take hold of this world, there’s nothing I can do about that. But I’m also tethered to you, by blood, and that gives me a chance to keep the magic alive. One last chance to keep the darkness at bay. There’s just enough power left here, to give mankind one final gift. I’m going to use that power to give you all of the elements, so that the others can’t hurt you. Their remaining powers won’t work on you, and nature will have no choice but to follow your command.”

He stood there, surrounded by an indoor twister that rightly should be impossible, and tried to absorb what she was telling him, but despite the overall alienness of his current situation, he couldn’t understand how such a thing could ever be made real.

“But, and this is the most important thing; once you defeat the darkness, you have to set the elements free again. You have to let the power go. Do that, and everything will be returned to a state of balance between all beings. All magic will cease, meaning none will be more powerful than any other. Do you understand?”

“…No. I don’t understand any of this!”

“I’m sorry, I wish I had more time to explain, but I’m afraid my journey has reached its end. You’ll find your wife in Hallen. Goodbye.”

“Wait, what-…”

Right before his eyes, the demon turned to dust, and was swept up into the whirlwind, which suddenly intensified and grew considerably. Before he’d had a chance to even realise that she was actually gone, the light from above shifted, and suddenly seemed to stretch towards him through the centre of the twister. And even though he didn’t know why, he reached a hand up towards it. It was as though lightning had struck him. Sharp and nearly unbearable pain shot through him, and then the twister was no longer around him, but inside of him, still whirling and howling and sparkling, and he fell to the floor, unable to control his movements at all. The Temple grew dark and lifeless around him, as though all light was being drained into his body instead, and then abruptly… it was over. He laid there, breathing hard in the empty darkness, dazed and not even trying to understand what had just happened, it was much too confusing. Slowly, he sat up, feeling no pain at all, but a kind of… movement… inside of his own body. In his skin, flesh and even bones. Not movement like something was crawling, but more like the waves of the ocean, pushing against the shore, or trees swaying in the wind. He looked at his own hands in the small amount of daylight that still managed to find its way down from the dome. They were empty now, as he’d dropped the weapon when he fell, but as he kept looking at his open palms, it was as though he could see the elements inside himself. Each one making its own trail through his body. He focused on water for a moment, and then scrambled to his feet and tried to back away, when water indeed flowed from his hands as though he was a well. But it stopped as soon as he wanted it to. Suddenly, the darkness of the Temple felt like a pressure over him, and he grabbed the mace and started running towards the door they’d entered through, feeling almost as if he was being expelled from the now dead ruin. The magic door of ice was no longer there, and the wind was already pushing snow into the hall. It chilled him to the bone in a mere moment, and he quickly focused on the fire within him, instantly getting warm again, but also setting himself on fire, which made him panic, and throw himself into the snow, frantically trying to put it out. When he finally realised that the fire wasn’t burning him, or his clothes, he tried picking up a handful of snow, to see if it would melt, and it did. So, it really was fire, it just didn’t hurt him. He couldn’t very well walk around on fire, though, so he took some time to experiment with the intensity, until he found a level of heat that kept him warm, but didn’t set him ablaze. He wondered if Ash had ever been so overwhelmed by her powers, or if she’d been born with the knowledge of how to wield them. But now that he was back outside, trudging through the snow, he looked around at the emptiness of the land, realising he had no clue where he actually was, or how to get home. He had no spikes on his back that could be turned into wings. But he had to get to Hallen. Why the hell had she gone there? He’d told her to stay away from towns and people, had she no understanding at all of the danger they were in? Or… had she deliberately ignored his words? Had her anger and heartbreak turned her bitter against anything he’d said, and made her want to do the opposite? Or worse… Had she been broken enough not to care what became of her? Abruptly terrified, Pero conjured the wind on instinct, pushing himself up into the air like a leaf, hurling around uncontrollably on the erratic gusts, until he was almost up in the scattered clouds. It was cold up there, and he’d lost focus on the fire as he struggled with the wind. Fuck, this was hard. But he had to figure it out, fast. Because he didn’t care if he drew the creatures to her anymore, if she was indeed angry or sad or broken enough to completely ignore her own safety, then he would have to protect her. He knew of no one else that would, and there was every chance that a beast

might still find her. Even if she hated him now, he wouldn’t let her die. He’d left her once, not knowing if he’d ever get to see her again, and he wasn’t willing to let that decision stand in his way anymore. The warmth of love in his heart helped to guide his powers, and the ferociousness of his hatred towards the others, gave him the focus to gain control over them. Or, enough of it to keep from crashing to ground, at least. Now all he needed to do was figure out where in the world he was, to have a hope of knowing where to go. His gaze was drawn back down to the ground, by something glimmering, and he saw the Temple beneath his own feet… very, very far beneath them. He gulped, and nearly lost his senses, having to raise his eyes towards the clouds and take a few deep and calming breaths, while the wind shuffled him about once more. Good thing he’d already emptied his stomach. Gods, that was a long fucking drop! But he had to get used to it, there was no other way. So, he looked down once more, forcing himself to study the structure closely, ignoring the height, and noticed that the Temple was shaped a lot like a star, with five arms and a round centre. But that wasn’t what had drawn his gaze. One of those arms was glowing faintly in red, at the very tip, as if pointing, and the sun told him that the direction it was pointing to, was southwest. Could Ash have left him one last helping hand? He decided to believe that that was the only thing it could be, and directed the wind to take him there.

“I’m coming back, my love. Stay alive.”

***************

Link to Chapter 11

Just to reassure you; next chapter will see our lovebirds reunited! Thank you for reading, and have a wonderful day/night!

@sarahjkl82-blog @marydjarin @idreamofboobear @agingerindenial @tiffanyleen @hounding-around @tobealostwanderer @deadhumourist @toomanystoriessolittletime @tintinn16 @nolanell @prostitute-robot-from-the-future @dihra-vesa @feminist-violinist @lowlights

#the lonely castle fic #pero tovar fanfiction #pero tovar fic #pero tovar x ofc #pero tovar x female character #the great wall fanfiction #the great wall #fantasy #idiots in love #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal characters

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sope-and-shine · 3 years ago

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When World’s Collide: Pt. 2

-> Pairing: Moon God!Taehyung x Fate!Reader -> SFW // fluff, angst, humor // enemies to lovers!au, soulmate!au -> Word Count: 20.1k -> Summary: Taehyung has spent most of his life ignored by his peers and alone on his barren planet. So when a lonely King reaches out to him in hopes to bring his love to him, how could he ignore his plea? However, it’s not good to mess with Fate, and it’s even worse to make the same mistake twice. -> Warnings: mild language, the reader is a bad bitch, minor character death, minor innuendos, crying children, Tae gets into multiple fights

a/n: Part 2 is finally done! I wanted everything for part 2 to be perfect before I posted it! We only have one more part to go and then this series will be complete!! I really hope you enjoy!

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Masterlist

When you left the previous night, you didn’t want to think about what could have happened between Taehyung’s projects. For the past 72 hours, you’ve seen at least 49 different ways last night could have gone, and each one was worse than the last. You refused to acknowledge any tugs you felt all night and right now the only thing you want to do is make sure nothing was damaged beyond repair.

Hoseok sits on the chair behind the security desk, eating a breakfast sandwich despite not actually needing sustenance the way the humans do. He insists it’s only to keep up his human appearance, but you both know it’s because he’s become obsessed with the taste and the sensation. You try not to roll your eyes when you think about how many he’d shoved into the fridge at his - and Yoongi’s - apartment.

“Don’t you think we would have heard about something by now?” He asks, “Besides, can’t you just look at your hands?”

You sigh, “I’d rather look at the events and see which path they chose. I’ll worry about everything else later.”

Of course you could just look at your hands, but being able to see the vision clearly can sometimes be far too overwhelming even for you. Just the tugs on your fingers are enough to make you itch constantly. You’ve even gone as far as to buy ‘fidget toys’ - as the humans call them - to distract humans from the constant twitching you’ve become so used to. Though you have to admit that the toys themselves give you a brief moment of relief.

With his mouth full, Hoseok side-eyes you, “Sometimes it worries me just how much you know.”

“Show me the tape.”

Hoseok shrugs and turns to the monitors in front of him. He logs into the system and clicks around, finding the footage from the night before and following every camera Eunha goes through. He rewinds the tape back to a bit after everyone left for the night. It shows Eunha making her rounds and walking to the king’s exhibit. Both of the deities watch as she shines her light through the gate and walks away. As they speed through the footage, it looks like no interaction happened the previous night at all.

Hoseok pauses the footage after Eunha returns to the security room and turns to you, who's just as confused as he is, “That looks like nothing.”

“It isn’t nothing.” You can feel it. You’ve practically already seen it. There is no way the two didn’t meet last night, “Show me his cameras.”

Hoseok does as he’s asked. He finds the set of 4 cameras hidden in the exhibit room and clicks on the widest angle. This camera shows Eunha entering the exhibit and taking a look around, but nothing more. It isn’t until she passes the necklace case that you see the glittering jewels shine within the glass. “There.”

“The spell...” Hoseok’s peaceful demeanor diminishes and an unusual scowl covers his features, “Did he even try to break it?”

You nod, “Even if he didn’t, I did.” You weren’t stupid enough to believe that Taehyung would actually try to get rid of his creation. You’ve been far beyond giving him the benefit of the doubt for quite some time now. However, actually destroying the necklace he designed proved to be much harder than a simple conversation with the Moon God himself.

“We’ll just have to stay on top of them.” You stand up from the chair you’d brought over to the desk and stand, raising your arms up high to stretch before you leave.

Hoseok picks up his office phone and hovers his finger over the keypad, “Should I page Taehyung?”

You wave the security guard off, “No. I’ll find him later. Just let me worry about this.”

You leave Hoseok to get back to work and leave for your own office. Not only do you have your regular responsibilities as a deity to attend to, but your human ones as well. Hours spent at your desk not only speaking to employees as needed, but also looking at your strings and following tugs against them. Most tugs come from your own friends and their daily interactions with museum patrons. You try to ignore them, but it’s hard to just let them interact with mortals when you know how bad the outcomes could be.

Taehyung is your prime example of just how true that can be.

You find the blonde in the children’s exhibit he took over curating, helping the youngest of museum patrons to interact with the activities around them. He’s tucked himself between two young children in front of a LEGO station. He tries to help them recreate the dragon behind the glass, but the children are much more creative then the blueprint laid in front of them.

You approach the group from behind as the young boy on Taehyung’s left turns to him with a smile, “Do you like my dog, Mr. Kim?” He shows him a combination of green and blue blocks, resembling a table more so than a dog but Taehyung still gasps dramatically.

“It’s amazing!” He clasps his hands together in celebration, but you’re still stuck on the child’s inability to realize that the object they’ve created is not a dog.

“That’s a table.”

You watch as Taehyung and the boy turn to you, one confused and the other seeming slightly irritated. With big brown eyes, the young boy pouts, “No, it’s a dog!”

“It doesn’t have a head.”

“Yes it does.” Taehyung interjects, “The head is right here. Isn’t that right, Beomgyu?” He points to the singular blue block that holds the top pieces together, not even close to resembling what he and the boy claim it to be. Even when the boy nods, you’re still left unconvinced.

You bend down to be on their level with furrowed brows, “It doesn’t even have a tail.”

“It doesn’t need a tail!”

“Yes it does.”

“No it doesn’t.”

“It’s not a dog if it doesn’t have a tail.”

“You’re wrong!” At this point, little bubbles of tears are welling in the young boy's eyes. His feelings are hurt, but you’re none the wiser to his discomfort. You’re taken by complete surprise when he stands up and throws his creation back onto the table, “Mom!”

“No, Beomgyu, it’s-” Taehyung tries to reassure him that his creation is perfect just the way it is, but he stops trying as the little boy runs to the next room in disheartened tears, “-okay…”

You’re left ignorant to the scene you created, instead grabbing the pieces the young human boy threw down and putting them back with the pile at the center of the table. You settle onto your knees in front of the work bench to help clear it off for the next children, “Having a good day?” You ask the blonde beside you.

His shoulders fall, utterly defeated, “I was.” He sounds hostile, and you’re left oblivious as to why. To you, the small child is nothing. But to Taehyung, Beomgyu is a sweet, creative little boy with so much potential. And you...you just potentially crushed his dreams. The amount of anger Taehyung is starting to harbor for you is beginning to overshadow his fear, “What can I do for you today, Madame Director?”

There’s malice in his tone, but you don’t register it, “I want to know about last night. Hoseok and Yoongi said you had her touch the necklace.”

“I did.”

“And did you stay to watch?”

As much as Taehyung wanted to stay and watch the long awaited meeting unfold in front of his own eyes, he couldn’t risk messing up again. The last time he interfered, he only made everything worse. When an opportunity came for him to intervene, he was too late. He didn’t understand, and that lack of understanding is what brought him - and everyone else - where they are now. He’d never admit it out loud, and especially not in front of you.

The lack of response from the god beside you is the only answer you need, “So you don’t know either.”

“I wanted them to meet on their own,” He says, not lying but not telling the whole truth, “I was just going to see her in a bit and check in about last night. Did you know she’s been working constantly without a day off since Chanyeol left?”

“Hoseok might have mentioned that. But considering this whole situation is your mess-” Taehyung rolls his eyes,“-checking in sounds like a great idea! I want you to talk to her and update me.” The blonde is quick to turn his head, fearing he’s heard you wrong, but you only stare back at him expectantly. “Agreed?”

“Yeah! I can do that.” To say the god is surprised would be an understatement. From day one of him orchestrating this whole charade, you haven’t wanted any part of it. You haven’t wanted to put up with him. You specifically told him that this was between himself, Hoseok, and Yoongi and that you wanted no part of it. Your sudden involvement has Taehyung beaming with curiosity, “Any reason for the new interest?”

You frown and throw the conjoined lego pieces in his direction, hitting his shoulder and falling behind him. He flinches back, his hands pulling close to his chest before reaching up and over his left shoulder to try and catch the miniature building blocks. You try to hide a smirk, “Don’t read into this, Taehyung. This is my job.”

Taehyung retrieves the pieces you threw at him, “Mhm, sure! Sure…”

“I’m serious, Taehyung. I know a lot more than you do.”

“Yeah, you don’t have to remind me...” Taehyung mumbles.

They way he says it is just as condescending as he usually is when you bring up your job. It seems no matter how many times you try to explain to him what your job entails, it goes in one ear and right out of the other. He never actually listens to you, he just continues to think whatever he’d like.

You sigh, “You know, I don’t act like this to be mean.”

“Then why act like this at all?” He asks.

“You wouldn’t get it.”

“Of course I would!”

You scoff, “Considering you don’t understand it yet, I sincerely doubt you would even comprehend what I’m talking about if I were to tell you.”

And there you go again, telling Taehyung how unintelligent he is just so you can be right. It’s never an off switch with you. Always a vague explanation and a promise that he’ll understand, but he never does. “Oh yeah, it must be so hard looking at your fingers all day.”

And just like that, the both of you have gone back to square one.

You set down what you were picking up and stand. Without so much as a frown you say, “Do what I asked and I won’t make Hoseok follow you around.” And walk away from the activity table, leaving Taehyung just as displeased with your attitude as you are with his.

To Taehyung, you have no right to be angry with him - you have a few rights to be angry with him. Sure, he’s made some mistakes here and there, but there’s no reason to continue to hold it against him! He’s learning. Everyone learns. It’s completely unfair that he should have to face relentless reminders of such a simple fact.

Nevertheless, he does as you’ve asked. He had intended to watch for Eunha to arrive anyway. He wanted to know what had happened the night before just as everyone else did, but he knew he had to wait and be subtle.

When she finally arrives, she looks a bit out of it. She makes a detour around Seokjin when she would normally greet him. Her hair isn’t as neat as she usually keeps it and the bags haphazardly thrown onto her shoulder show she’s in a bit of distress. Her walking is much faster than her normal pace, and Taehyung hopes that’s not a bad sign.

He decides to wait for her upstairs in the king’s exhibit, taking a seat on his favorite bench in the museum. It’s always a nice place to sit and have a rest throughout the day, it let’s him think back to old times when his plan was much simpler. A time where his friend didn’t spend all hours of the day inside of a dusty box waiting for his soulmate to return to him.

It’s moments like this that Taehyung can’t help but wonder what would have happened if he’d left Namjoon alone. If he had just ignored the King’s prayer for help, would he have still fallen ill? Were they destined to meet the same way even if he hadn’t interfered? Would Namjoon and Eunha have been able to meet in this life as well if it hadn’t been for his insistence to give the King a companion? Even worse, what if you’re right?

You told him that if he meddles too much that their strings could knot and burn. If that happens, then everything he’s worked for goes down the drain. Eunha and Namjoon will never get their happy ending and it will all be his fault. If only Yoongi would just make everything easier.

“Damn it!” Taehyung curses, more to himself than anything. He’s working himself up and that won’t do him any good. In moments like this, he takes a page from Namjoon’s book and does something to calm himself. He pulls a small sketch pad out of his bag and throws a leg over his knee, focusing all of his worries and anxieties onto the piece of paper in front of him. Namjoon always wrote in his journals when he was worried about something, but Taehyung has never been great with words. Instead, he draws doodles of patrons and co-workers, even sketches of flowers to ease his ramped mind.

Taehyung hears the clicks of her shoes before he sees her, “Having fun there?”

He wants to lift his head and tell her he’s really worried beyond belief, that he’s the reason she looks so tired. But revealing himself now would ruin everything, so for now he remains a friend in the background.

---

His talk with Eunha went about as well as he expected. She was definitely lying so she wouldn’t worry him - or sound absolutely insane to any normal human. But he could tell just how freaked out she was, and if she wasn’t accepting Namjoon now, then there’s a good chance his plan just took a turn for the worst. He’ll just keep that bit to himself, though. What you don’t know, won’t hurt him.

Hopefully.

He saves himself the hassle of having to unlock and re-lock your door in favor of just appearing inside; however, he didn’t expect to see you sitting at your desk eating a bag of chips. Your one leg is tucked under you while your foot rests on the cushion of your chair. You’re staring at your computer with great interest, so you must be reading something.

You cast a quick glance at your sudden intruder and sigh, but continue your reading, “I did leave the door unlocked.”

Taehyung checks to see if you’re lying, and he’s completely shocked to find you telling the truth, “Why didn’t you lock it? She could come in here!”

“This isn’t an area patrons can enter. Besides, she won’t come here.” You place both legs on the ground and lean over your work to pat your desk, “Have a seat.”

Taehyung is more than hesitant to join you, but he does take a seat. He studies the contents of your desk and finds not one, but two empty chip bags, “Shrimp chips?”

You shrug, “Hoseok. He’s been going overboard with the human food and leaving me gifts every morning. Of all the things he’s left, this one is the most satisfying.”

Taehyung cracks an amused smile, “You’d think Yoongi would want comfort food more than Hoseok.”

“Comfort food?” You ask. You haven’t heard that term before.

“Yeah. That’s what humans would consider chips.” Taehyung explains, “They call them snacks too! They’re things you can enjoy when you get hungry or you just really want to eat something.”

“Isn’t that the same thing?”

“Far from it actually.” You give Taehyung a quizzical look and he shrugs, “I don’t understand it yet either. Humans are very confusing.”

“Tell me about it.”

“So what are you doing here? I figured you’d be as far away from the museum as possible.” Taehyung asks, eyeing the high pile of papers that decorate the top of your desk.

You shrug, “I’d rather take care of all the human work I’m supposed to do so I can do my real job when it comes up.”

The blonde leans back in his chair, “And this has nothing to do with Eunha and Namjoon?”

“Oh, it has everything to do with them.” You assure him. You take a moment to sit back and look at what you’ve done so far and let out a heavy sigh, “I can’t sit still knowing that they’re both here alive and-...Well-...together.”

Your eyes stray to your hands and Taehyung takes notice of the blank look that takes over, “What are you so afraid of?”

You close your eyes, shake your head, and smile, “Fear has nothing to do with it.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

With that you get back to work, hoping to finish your human duties before the morning so you can spend your day doing your real job. Taehyung remains in front of you, silently watching you work away after brushing him off so easily once again. He doesn’t take any offense to it anymore - though it does annoy him to no end - at this point it’s like your own way of communicating.

However, Taehyung is focused on one thing and one thing only after a long day of stress and hard work.

“Could I have a chip?”

---

It’s been about a week and a half since Taehyung managed to bring Namjoon and Eunha together and despite how optimistic it had seemed, he’s now beginning to realize just how flawed this plan really is.

“She’s not even willing to give him a chance!” The blonde complains, picking at the chicken on his plate instead of eating it.

Jimin - who sits across from him eating his own food - shrugs, “He did scare the living shit out of her.”

“I can confirm that her soul left her body for a solid 7 seconds when they first met.” Hoseok pipes up, his mouth still full with food.

“Why don’t you just go back to fanboying?” Jeongguk asks, taking a sip of his soda, “Wasn’t that working?”

“Not anymore.” Taehyung sighs. He’d been talking non-stop about the dead king since he first landed his job. He’s done nothing but keep up appearances since then in hopes of intriguing Eunha into liking Namjoon just as much as he does, but hopes seem to be quickly going down the drain, “What if (Y/n) is right and this is all just going to bite me in the ass again?”

Hoseok laughs, “I could have told you that.”

The three lower tier gods turn to Death, but only Jimin is bold enough to question him while he gorges himself on human pleasantries, “Why are you here again?”

Hoseok’s ears surprisingly turn red in embarrassment and he swallows the food in his mouth, “You guys said you were getting food here…Ms. Oh gives me extra kimchi when I come here.”

Taehyung can’t help but chuckle, “You really do think with your stomach.”

Hoseok’s brows furrow, “Who told you that?”

“(Y/n).”

Jimin stops eating, “You two have been hanging out?”

The blonde shrugs, “She just wants updates on Namjoon and Eunha and the choices they make. She obviously can’t be bothered to do it herself. It’s not like it isn’t her job.”

Jimin scoffs and Hoseok chews away quietly at his food, but Jeongguk doesn’t seem too convinced with Taehyung’s assumption, “Maybe she’s just trying to make conversation the only way she knows how.”

“She couldn’t ask about my day instead?”

“You give (Y/n) way too much credit.”

Jeongguk shakes his head, “A guy in my philosophy class acts the same way! He’s really bad at making conversation, so he starts talking about class related stuff to drive himself.”

Taehyung thinks back to their most recent meeting where Fate had asked him about Namjoon and if he’d been causing problems. He remembers how the conversation started, but how it digressed into complaining about Yoongi and Jeongguk he’d never know.

“Still-” Taehyung refuses to falter, “-I do a lot with my day.”

“Taehyung. I hate to break this to you, but knowing what happens to Namjoon and Eunha is what you do with your day.” Jimin points out. Taehyung flings a piece of his chicken in the blonde’s direction, and he blocks with the back of his hand before it can hit and ruin his work shirt. He sends Taehyung a glare and cleans his hand with a napkin, “But I do agree, she could try a bit harder if she’s trying to have a real conversation.”

“You guys really don’t get her, do you?” Hoseok asks.

“Of course we do! She’s Fate.” Jimin says, “She holds the strings of the future in her palms and it’s up to her to keep the universe balanced and blah blah blah.”

Hoseok sighs at Jimin’s mockery, “There’s a lot of responsibility that comes with holding the universe in your hands.”

“Yeah, that’s why Hui sits with the others while the rest of us do work.” Jimin scoffs.

Hoseok bites the inside of his cheek, “He has more responsibilities than you. You messed that up on your own.”

Jimin shrugs and takes a sip of his water, “Not everyone wishes to be walked all over.”

Hoseok almost looks offended, “You think we walk over you?”

“What else should I call it? Aggressive advice?” Jimin leans forward like he’s challenging Hoseok. The air surrounding the table goes cold as Hoseok slowly sets his chopsticks on the table with a firm grip. It’s obvious he’s trying to hide his anger.

“Listen-”

“Hoseok~!” The god’s anger disappears completely at the mention of his name. From behind him, sweet Ms. Oh comes right up to him with a small package of extra kimchi. She places a hand on his shoulder and presents the to-go container to him, “I put in a little extra kimchi in there for you.”

Hoseok accepts her offer graciously with both hands, “Thank you, ma’am. I promise to eat it all!” Ms. Oh pinches his cheek and turns to return to her kitchen. Hoseok waits until she’s completely out of ear shot before he lets his frustrated frown return, “Just think about it this way: Maybe it’s not just humans she doesn’t understand.”

Taehyung can’t help but look down to his plate, ‘Had he been too quick to judge Fate because of their own history together?’

Hoseok piles his finished dishes on top of each other and stands from the table, “I’ll see you after your lunch.”

Jimin glares after Hoseok until he leaves, “Yeah, it’s pretty obvious that she doesn’t understand much,” He scoffs. He looks at his own plate and wills it all to go away, leaving only the mess so he doesn’t hurt Ms. Oh’s feelings. Leaning back in his chair he sighs, “Maybe I can try talking to Eunha again. What do you think?”

Earth looks to the Moon, but he’s somewhere else in his own space in the universe. He can’t help but rethink his most recent interruptions with Fate again and wonder if her stubbornness - as well as his own - is what’s kept them from seeing eye to eye. If he wants to help Namjoon and Eunha then he’ll have to get Fate’s approval. But how?

Taehyung looks at the guard schedule you handed him, studying the 4 blank days beside Eunha’s name. He looks up to you - still awkwardly typing away on your computer, “Days off?”

You nod, “Yes, Hoseok thinks it’ll be good for her.”

“And do you?”

“Do I what?”

“Do you think it’s a good idea?”

You stop typing, your fingers curling in as you think about what to say, “I think it’ll help her figure things out for herself.” If you were a human and had everything pushed onto you the same way, you’d probably feel as overwhelmed as she looks. Even a few weeks into this whole charade and she still seems too in over her head, “Everything is still very new for her, and the stress might eat her away if she doesn’t get some kind of break.”

Taehyung laughs in disbelief, “When did you become efficient with humans?”

You choose to ignore the blonde and return to your typing, “Efficient? Wow, that’s a big word. I’m impressed.”

“Mocking me doesn’t answer my question.” Taehyung points out, sitting back in his chair and resting one leg over the other.

“Doesn’t it?” You ask, raising a brow in his direction. You shrug your shoulders and look back at your screen, “I’ll have you know that I’ve always been efficient with humans.”

“Really?” He scoffs, “Is that why you told that one lady her love line was doomed if she didn’t stop sleeping around?”

“I had to warn her.”

“She ran out of the bathroom crying.”

“The truth hurts.”

“She hit Seokjin with her purse.”

“And I bought Seokjin a coffee and a donut in return.”

“You know that’s not how you’re supposed to deal with that situation, right?”

You smile, unaffected by your actions, “I’ll consider it a learning experience then.”

“Do you even know what you should do in that situation?” He asks.

That has you pausing. Of course, in an ideal situation you wouldn’t be involved at all. But you’re not acting as a god anymore, you’re parading around as a human. And while you’re confident you know more than Taehyung about humans and their society, you can’t help but wonder if you’re more out of touch than you thought.

Taehyung sits up and moves so he can rest his arms against your desk with his chin resting on his forearms, “Are you sure you really know humans?”

The last time you had been on Earth to associate yourself with the humans was almost 7 years ago, and it was only to warn Taehyung about his own future. You’d only bumped into a few humans on the street, and you didn’t even have to speak to anyone at all. Your knowledge of humans in the last 100 years - at least - has been almost entirely reduced to nothing.

You know for a fact that Taehyung was taught about humans by Jimin himself after the blonde’s first run on the troublemakers planet. It leaves you wondering just what Taehyung has learned and if he’s capable of making better decisions than before.

You turn to the curator and mirror his position, leaning on your desk, “What would you have done?”

“Well, I wouldn’t have had to apologize to Seokjin or the lady because I wouldn’t have said anything.”

You laugh, “Well, yeah. Your lady days are behind you.”

“Once again, mocking me won’t make me wrong.” Taehyung says, tapping you on the nose with a smug grin.

You wrinkle your nose but make no effort to move and show no sign of disgust, “Are you sure?”

Taehyung finds himself staring at you longer than he normally does. You're obviously unimpressed with him, but you still seem happy. It’s like when he talks about Namjoon to Eunha and she pretends she’s not annoyed out of her mind. He thinks back to the other day with Hoseok at Ms. Oh’s and he can’t help but wonder if he could change your mind .

“Why don’t we make a deal?” He asks.

You barely gave him a chance to finish his sentence, “No.” You sit up and return to your working position.

“Come on-”

You hold up a finger to silence him, “We’re in the process of one of your deals, and I don’t like your track record.”

“Just humor me.” He pleads.

You close your eyes in annoyance, “Speak.”

“Eunha gets 4 days off. We don’t have to keep an eye on her or Namjoon. Let’s go out and really experience the human world together.” He pushes your stacks of paperwork aside, “Let me show you what humans are really like.”

“And…?” You ask, knowing he has more up his sleeve than just showing you the humans of today.

“If I prove to you that humans are more than just random strings that come and go, then you have to really help me with Eunha and Namjoon. If they’re not, then I’ll convince them to destroy the necklace on their own.” Taehyung knows he’s risking everything just to prove a point, but he’s confident that if he plays his cards right then he can get you to at least see things from his point of view, “They’re more than you give them credit for, and I think you would change your mind if you saw them in a different light than that of a god.”

“If you’re so confident you can change my mind that you’d give up after 1,000 years, then who am I to deny?” Your response has Taehyung jumping from his seat in glee, almost stumbling over the chair he was sitting in from moving too fast. You hold back a chuckle as he tries to put everything back where it belongs, “I’ll approve your time off for tomorrow.”

“You won’t regret it.” He assures you.

“I’m sure I won’t.” Despite his annoying persistence and his inability to comprehend the simplest of explanations, you can’t deny that he does try his best with everything.

Taehyung is just happy that you actually agreed. He was sure that you’d turn him down and he’d go home to figure out another way to sneak around you, but this will be perfect! All he has to do is win you over. Which may be a bit daunting now, but he’s sure he’ll get over it.

He’s about to leave when you call out to him, “Taehyung-!”

He turns and you smile, “Make sure it’s something really special if you’re going to get me to agree.”

“Trust me, it will be.”

—

“You’re an idiot.”

Not the words Taehyung expected to hear after he told Jimin and Jeongguk about his new plan. He figured they’d have some distaste for his plan, but this was a bit much.

“Come on, Jimin. Do you really have that little faith in me?” Taehyung asks.

“Yes.” The blonde walks away from the living room to go to the kitchen.

“He’s made it pretty obvious.”

Taehyung turns to the youngest deity with a frown and points a finger at him, “You have no room to talk.”

The two follow Jimin to the kitchen where the eldest of the three makes himself a glass of water at the fridge over his usual glass of champagne. When he turns and sees Taehyung again, he heaves a heavy sigh and sets the glass on the island in between them, “If you think you’re going to convince Fate that humans are something special then you have another thing coming to you, Taehyung! (Y/n) has never valued humans and she never will.”

“Like you have? She took them from you for a reason, didn’t she?” Jimin narrows his eyes at Taehyung and the Moon continues on, “Maybe she just forgot how that feels.”

“Or she won’t and this will ruin everything we’ve worked for. Did you think about that?” He asks.

“Of course I did! But I know that won’t happen.” Taehyung leans on the counter and makes himself eye-level with his friend, “You have to trust me.”

“You better not blow this.” Jimin picks up his glass and walks out.

“I won’t!” Taehyung calls after him, but the Earth has already left his orbit.

If someone were to look up the definition of worry and anxiety in a dictionary, they’d find a picture of Taehyung. Asking Fate to make a deal with him had seemed like a great idea when he first thought of it, but now as the blonde stands at the bus stop waiting for her to arrive he’s starting to have second thoughts. As much as he hates to admit it, your track record for being correct is far more superior to his. The chances of him changing your mind are about as high as Yoongi smiling at him without being forced to.

“Taehyung?” You ask, pulling the god out of his thoughts. You’re sitting right next to him and he didn’t even notice you arrived. For once, you look worried, “Are you ready to go?”

“Yeah, the bus should be here soon.” Taehyug assures you with the best false confidence he can muster. If today is going to go well, then he needs to leave every worry on this bus bench and focus all of his energy on you and what would make you more likely to finally see from his point of view.

“Are you going to tell me where we’re going?” You ask.

He shakes his head, “Not yet. Our outing for today will remain a surprise until we get there. Unless you’ve already looked ahead?”

He’s teasing you and you know it, “I’ve kept my hands to myself, thank you.” You assure him with a light nudge to his side, trying to ignore the amused smile that paints his features.

He nudges you back, “Good. Keep it that way.”

The bus arrives a few moments later, it’s door stopping in front of Taehyung. The both of you get up and approach the doors, waiting off to the side for previous passengers to exit. You’re about to walk around Taehyung when the last one exits, but his arm flies in front of your chest and stops you in your tracks. You have half a mind to snap at the blonde, but your anger disappears when you see why he stopped you.

“Here let me help you.” Taehyung steps forward to grab the front end of a child’s stroller, gently lifting it and helping the mother carefully steps down herself with a little girl right behind her. Taehyung sets the stroller’s wheels on the ground and turns to the little girl with a bow on the top of her head and her hair poking out like a sprout and offers her a gentle hand with a wide smile, “Here you go, baby. Watch your step.”

The young girl takes his hand and jumps off the last step, just barely reaching the sidewalk with a little help from Taehyung. Her mother cheers for her and reaches out a hand for her to come back by her side. With a quick bow she thanks Taehyung and they continue on their way. You can’t help but watch the little girl bounce after her mother, her little feet almost dancing as she toddles on. No doubt Taehyung had just made that mother’s day easier and her child’s day happier.

“Ladies first.” Taehyung motions for you to board in front of him and you climb the steps, scanning your bus pass, and walking to the first available seats close to the back. You slide into the window seat and pull your bag into your lap, Taehyung settling into the seat beside you

The bus starts moving and the two of you are locked into a peaceful silence. Well, as peaceful as it can be for Taehyung. He told himself to leave his worries behind, but he’s still sitting next to you with every worry resting on his shoulders.

You’re more than happy not worrying about the humans around you or the mischievous god to your left. It’s a nice change of pace from the museum, especially with the view of the city right outside of your window. Leisure trips aren’t something you’re often used to. Unless someone needs you or you’re required to intervene, you really don’t go anywhere. It’s almost pleasant, but it’s hard to forget the company you keep when his legs won’t stay still.

“Are you okay?” You ask.

“Huh?”

“Are. You. O-K?” You repeat slowly, “Your leg is shaking like crazy.”

“I’m just excited for our destination, that's all.” He assures you.

You nod, deciding to let it go for now. You’d find out soon enough.

The bus comes to a stop in front of a large, colorful building no Taehyung shoots up, “This is our stop!” He races from his seat down the aisle and you stand up and follow after him. You exit a few people after him and find the blonde staring at the large building in front of you. Dozens of children run freely, their parents rushing after them as teens and young couples parade around hand in hand.

You come to a stop beside Taehyung and give his arm a playful nudge, “Don’t tell me you were excited just to look at a building?”

He shakes his head, “I think you’re really going to enjoy yourself today.”

Without even thinking about it, Taehyung takes your hand and drags you behind him. All the way to the front doors of the building where a small line of people wait. He doesn’t miss a second and pulls out his phone, moving his head close to yours and smiling at his screen. His phone goes dark for a split second before he pulls it back to his chest. He moves on like what he did was nothing, but you’re left confused.

“What was that?” You ask.

Taehyung stops scrolling through his phone, long enough to raise an eyebrow at you. “You aren’t serious.” When you nod his eyes go even wider, “You work at a museum and you don’t know what a picture is?!”

“It’s a painting.”

“That’s a portrait.”

“There’s a difference?”

“Yes. There is, and I’m going to take millions and millions of pictures to prove it!” To make his point, he pulls the hand holding yours away to throw it over your shoulder. He taps relentlessly at his screen, occasionally switching up the angle. You try to throw a hand in front of your face to block his new attack, but he’s quick to adjust his camera to continue his harmless assault. “Why are you hiding? I’m trying to teach you what a real picture is.”

“Taehyung!” You try to push away, but the blonde has a tight grip on you.

“Take pictures with me!” He whines, trying to inch his face even closer to yours.

You can hear the humans snickering around you, but your companion doesn’t seem to care at all. He has no problem keeping you caged against him while he “takes real pictures” in a weak attempt to persuade you. He doesn’t give up in the line or on the escalator going down until you get closer to the front and he has to let you go.

“Have you purchased your tickets already?” The kind woman asks as you attempt to fix your hair from Taehyung’s attack.

Taehyung slaps his thighs with both hands before shoving them inside his far pocket and pulling out folded papers. He hands them to her, “Here you are.”

She unfolds them and takes a quick look over the words on each page, pulling a scanner similar to the ones at the museum to check them both in before handing them back with a smile, “Enjoy your time today.”

“Thank you. We will!”

The both of you move on, walking to the second set of doors beyond the ticket line and walking through to see just how big the building really is. The outside doesn’t do justice to the humans who designed something so beautiful. The entrance gives a great view of the entire park, showing off several buildings and attractions, as well the flora and special decorations placed to appease the humans that visit. Everything is so well cared for, and the glass roof just makes everything look so bright and inviting.

“Do you see anything you’d like to do first?” Taehyung asks.

You’ve heard plenty about amusement parks. Many human’s string’s will entangle themselves in gears and doors, tied to trivial things like rides and children’s games. Their opinions all seem to differ with most of them split in half on how they truly feel about the park.

You shrug, “Why don’t you choose?”

You should not have let Taehyung choose. Especially not what the humans call a rollercoaster. What insane, psychopath designed a high speed death trap that turns you on your side and flips you upside down in a metal cage?! Only one deity is sadistic enough to test the limits of Life and Death like this, and you’re positive Yoongi had something to do with the creation of such a monstrosity. At one point, you were sure Taehyung was going to lose his hands!

Not every ride was as terrible. The pirate ship had seemed gentle enough at first, but then it kept going higher and higher and you started to feel yourself slipping out of your seat. You even wrapped your arm around Taehyungs to ensure you didn’t go flying over the metal bar they’d placed against your lap.

Every ride the two of you climbed onto felt like one death trap after another. There was no way Yoongi himself didn’t come down and design each and every inhumane attraction himself just to create some form of chaos. Anyone who actually enjoyed a near death experience needs to sign themselves up for human therapy.

After your last brush with Death, you sat yourself down on a bench to catch your breath and maybe your sanity as well.

“Are you okay?” Taehyung asks.

“What?”

“Are. You. O-K?” He teases, “You’re looking a little pale for someone that isn’t capable of getting sick.”

“Well, my complexion is all thanks to you and your death traps!” You remind him. You feel like your stomach is in your throat and you don’t even have a stomach! “How could humans actually enjoy these things?”

The blonde shrugs, “You’re just not a thrill chaser. Humans like a rush.”

You look at him astonished and bewildered, “Do they forget they’re mortal?! They could die!”

“That’s the fun of it!”

You groan and lean into the back of your bench, “Oh, you really have lost it.”

Taehyung can’t help but laugh at your misery. This is the first time he’s seen you so out of your element, and it’s almost refreshing. But he reminds himself that you’re supposed to be having fun. “C’mon, we went on some nice rides.”

“Oh, yes! The children’s rides! Those were much safer.” Taehyung laughs again and you give him a quick glare to shut him up, “Why can’t the humans just enjoy simple things?”

“Because YOLO.”

“Bless you.”

“No, it’s a saying. It means ‘you only live once’,” Taehyung explains, “There are quite a few humans that live by that.”

“They would risk the one life they have for a phrase?”

“They would risk it for a chance to have fun and feel alive.” He says, rephrasing the words in a way you could understand, “Most humans have to work to live. There are only a few that don’t need to worry about food or shelter. So, those that can make a point to have as much fun before they can’t anymore.”

“I guess that’s admirable...” You’d never really taken the time to consider why humans do what they do. It all seems pointless when you’re eternal. The concept is nice to think about when you give some thought to it. It almost makes what Taehyung has been trying to do a decent idea.

You stand before you can continue thinking as a human would, “Alright, what death traps are left?”

Taehyung’s smile grows, “I’m glad you asked.”

---

“Where’s the bar?”

“It’s behind you.”

When Taehyung dragged you to the large, circular ride with couches around it’s side, you weren’t sure what to expect. But if there’s one thing you’ve learned about human rides, it’s that they need bars in front of you.

“Excuse me? What about a lap bar?”

“This ride doesn’t have one.”

“Not even a belt?”

“Nope.”

“What do I do if I can’t hold on?”

“Just hold on tight.” As soon as he says this, the ride starts. It just spins around at first, and that isn’t so bad. At least, not until the ride starts to bounce as well. The first one has you falling out of your seat and onto the floor.

Taehyung grabs your hand, having expected this to happen, “I told you to hold on!” He pulls you back into the seat next to him and you grab onto the bar once again. The blonde tries to let go, but you reach for his shirt and hold it like you could actually die if you fell again. He laughs, “You’re not supposed to hold onto me!”

“If I’m going down then so are you!” You yell, gripping the bar behind you and hoping for the ride to be over soon.

Every bump has you edging closer and closer to the moon god and it’s a miracle you aren’t sitting in his lap by the end of the ride. As soon as it stops, you’re finally able to catch your breath. You find yourself praying to Hui, hoping he’ll hear your plea and switch your job with Yoongi’s.

Taehyung, however, is trying not to freak out at your close proximity to him. You’re holding onto his jacket like the kitten he’d visited at the pet store, like falling is only inevitable if you let go of him. Your head is resting under his chin, the hand holding onto your top being the only thing to stop you from hitting him.

“Are you still okay?” He asks.

You pull away slowly, unbothered by how close the two of you had been due to your fear of dying on a human toy, “Fortunately.”

“How about we go on the last ride now?” Taehyung suggests, exchanging the hand he holds you with to take the elbow closest to him.

You don’t bother hiding the frown on your face, “Do we have to?”

“I think you’ll like this one.”

The blonde helps you off of the ride and lets you cling to his arm all the way to the other side of the park where your last ride awaits. Another circular ride, only this one has cars similar to the rolling death trap he’d locked you into only 4 rides into your experience.

You stop in the middle of the walkway, pulling Taehyung back and causing the humans to move around you, “You want me to go on the spinning death wheel? Two in a row?!”

“It’s not what you think.” You give Taehyung a look and he rolls his eyes, “Come on.”

You let him take you through the line, deciding to lift yourself up for the ride instead of letting the fear you have tear you apart. Even as you’re let on the ride and once again locked in next to Taehyung you’re trying to decide if fleeing to the other side of the planet is worth blowing your cover.

“Are you okay?” The worker settling your bar in place asks.

You offer him a weak nod, “Yeah… I’m fine.”

He hands you a small, blue plastic bag with a ring holding it open and smiles, “Just in case then.”

He goes to start the ride and you’re left confused, “What’s this for?”

“How should I know?”

The ride lurches and you grab on tight to the bar, finding yourself going backward a few feet and stopping.

“Just calm down.” Taehyung coos. He places his hand over yours and rubs his thumb over the back of it, “You worry too much.”

Your eyes are locked on his hand over yours, “Why are you doing that?”

“To comfort you.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re freaking out.”

“Oh…”

“I can stop if you want.” Taehyung starts to let go, but the ride moves again and you grab onto his hand yourself.

“No!” You cry. Taehyung can’t help but laugh at how different you are in this moment, and you try your best to brush it off, “Just until we get off. That way if this monstrosity breaks you have no choice but to go to.”

Taehyung smiles knowingly, “Whatever makes you feel better.”

You cling to Taehyung as the ride continues to stop and go, squeezing his hand on the occasional tilt the car makes. It isn’t until the ride - starts to actually spin continuously that you really begin to enjoy the ride itself. You somehow manage to actually like this ride, so much so that you convince the ride attendant to let you go around again. Taehyung has no complaints, especially if you’re going to smile the whole time.

You come to a stop near the top and the blonde turns to you, “So, are you enjoying yourself?” He asks with a teasing smile.

You, however, couldn’t care less if you were wrong or not at this moment. Up in the air looking down at the colorful lights of the other rides, you feel free. You have no responsibilities up here. You exist peacefully and happily without any problems holding you back.

You’re no one.

“I’ll give you this, Moon god, this ride is nice.” You lean back in the car, letting your body rest into Taehyung’s, “I think I can understand this.”

“Not the others?” He asks, teasing more than genuine curiosity.

You shrug, “Humans are strange. If they have natural Death wishes then so be it, but I suppose that the thrill could have some appeal to the right people.”

Taehyung sighs and let’s go of your hand, using his arm to wrap around your shoulders, “I was hoping you'd see things my way.”

You smile and poke his nose the way he’d done to you the other day, “Don’t get ahead of yourself, Taehyung. We’re not there yet.”

“Yet~” He says with an air of hope.

“We’ll see how you play your cards.” You say. For now, you intend to enjoy the moment while it’s still here.

---

“So, what are we doing here?” You ask.

Taehyung had told you today would be even better than yesterday before the two of you parted last night - and with how terrible those rides had been it should be pretty easy to make a good impression. Anything would be better than getting on those traps again.

“We’re shopping!” He says excitedly, but his enthusiasm has you confused.

“Why?”

“Because it’s fun?”

“But you don’t need to buy things.” You remind him, “You’re a deity. You can make whatever you want.”

“Yeah, but this feels more human.”

You tilt your head in confusion, “Why would you want to feel human?”

He sighs - he won’t get anywhere when you’re like this, “Why don’t I just show you and then you can ask questions?”

You move to the side and extend your hand, presenting the way for him, “Lead the way.”

He takes your outstretched hand and leads you down the sidewalk, walking in front of you with your connected hands behind his back to lead you through the crowd. You begrudgingly walk behind him, looking at the shop windows as you pass.

“This way!” Taehyung squeezes your hand and pulls you to the left, and you unconsciously squeeze back and follow him. He takes you to the entrance of a store with it’s door wide open, a rack full of children’s clothes keeping the door from closing.

The store itself is filled with nothing but clothes of all types and various accessories scattered across the shop. Young women cling together as they scan the racks and some show off their finds near the back. An older gentleman and a boy who looks to be his son stick to the men’s section to the right of the store, the son shaking his head here and there when his father shows him a new item.

Taehyung immediately takes off for the women’s section without you and you’re not really sure why he’s the excited one. You follow him anyways, arms crossed and so far highly unimpressed with his first pick of the day.

“Trying to relive the old days?” You jest as the blonde sifts through the rack.

“Nope.” He says, choosing to ignore you in favor of looking through the clothes. He keeps going for a few seconds until he finds something he deems worthy enough, “Here it is!”

You half expected him to pull out a dress, but you’re surprised when he pulls out a shirt very similar to his. You double take and realize that it is the same shirt before you’re back to being unimpressed, “What is that?”

“A shirt.”

You’re offended that he would think you’re that incompetant, “I know it’s a shirt! Why would I want it?”

“So we can match!” He shakes the shirt out of excitement and almost drops it when he spots something else, “Look! They even have cute little scrunches!” He picks one up, a little, blue hair piece with yellow crescents all over it.

“You mean like this?” You ask, placing your palms flat as if they’re against a table and lifting, flipping them over to reveal the same bow, “Something I can make?”

Taehyung feels deflated and he doesn’t say anything right away. You’re a very to-the-point person, and he knows there’s only one way he can really get through to you.

“Could I see that for a second?” Taehyung asks, pointing to the scrunchie in your hand. You look down at it and shrug, handing it over to him without a second thought. He smiles, “Thanks.”

He takes both your scrunchie and the scrunchie he had picked up and chucks from across the store, one landing on a rack and the other in someone’s hair. You’re stunned by the fact that he - of all people - would even consider such a thing, “Taehyung-!”

Taehyung smiles - as if he hadn’t just done anything wrong - and places his empty hand on your shoulder, “New plan. You don’t get to say no to this.” He turns you around by the shoulder and nudges you in the direction of the exit, “Come on.”

You groan as he leads you to the register. Yesterday was fine, but if this is how the rest of today is going to go, then you want it to end now.

Taehyung stops in front of the register and places both the shirt and the scrunchie in front of the attendant, “We’ll take these, please.”

“Oh! Matching shirts! The both of you are going to look so cute! Here-” The girl scans the shirt, grabs a number placard, and hands both of them to you, “You can use our changing room to put it on before you leave.”

“No, that’s o-” You were perfectly happy denying her help, but the kicked puppy look Taehyung is giving you has you back peddling. You muster the most sincere smile you can, “Yes. Thank you. I appreciate the offer.”

You leave Taehyung to pay the human, begrudgingly walking to the fitting rooms she had so kindly offered you. This was not your idea of fun. This is an unnecessary waste of your time. Why anyone would willingly waste their day just to change clothes you don’t think you’ll ever understand.

Looking at yourself in the mirror, you can at least appreciate the color. It’s simple enough that you don’t have to worry about standing out. But standing next to Taehyung wearing matching shirts isn’t going to help you any.

“(Y/n)? Are you done?” Taehyung asks, his voice echoing from the other side of the door. You sigh, relenting to a fate of your own and open the door, the shirt you were wearing hanging over your arm.

“Well?” You ask. The blonde takes a step back from the door, eyeing you up and down.

“Wow…” His smile is so wide you’d think the action hurts. He looks like a child seeing snow for the first time. He's so excited. His beaming smile - as well as the giggling girls standing in front of the room next to you - has you feeling hot with embarrassment.

You shuffle forward and cross your arms, “Are you happy now?”

“Very.” He assures you. He knew you were pretty, but you just look so cute when you’re all flustered. It’s nice to see you finally being the one grasping for straws. “Come on, we have a lot to do.”

---

“Food?” You ask, eyeing the numerous stalls that line the street in front of you.

Taehyung nods, “You’ve only had a diet of shrimp chips and strawberry milk. I think it’s time you branch out.”

He leads you to the first stall and points to a tray before he hands the man money in exchange for two sticks with something skewered to them. He hands one to you, and you’re left staring at the item in your hand, “And this is?”

“Food. Eat it.” You’re unsure at first, but you agreed(forcefully agreed) to do whatever Taehyung decided to do for the day. You take a hesitant bite, but one bite is all it took to understand. Taehyung must be able to tell by whatever expression you’re making, “Good, isn’t it?”

You turn to the vendor with your mouth still somewhat full, “Can we get 2 more, please?”

He nods and gets you two more, but Taehyung is quick to take them out of his hands before you can. “Don’t fill up! We have a whole street to go through.” He gestures to the other stalls around you, and for once you’re actually excited to listen to the mischievous god.

It takes you almost 2 hours just to get back to where you started, and you’re sure you’d be on the ground if you were a human. You have to give Taehyung credit where it’s due, this was a great idea.

“What’s next?” You ask, turning to Taehyung with a bit more hope for the future.

He shrugs, “I guess we could go around for seconds but that might scare the humans.”

You frown, realizing how reckless you’ve been, “I guess you’re right.”

Your change in demeanor throws Taehyung for a loop. This isn’t the first time you’ve dismissed him - or anything - like this. He knows you’re reluctant to tell him, so he thinks of something that’ll get your attention, “Let’s look at what trinkets are being sold.”

“Trinkets?” You ask curiously.

“Like the things Jimin sells in the gift shop.”

“Merchandise?”

He shrugs, “Sure.”

Taehyung leads you back down the street, passing several food stalls before he reaches a jewelry stand that might catch your attention. He takes a quick look over the items on display before he finds one you might actually enjoy.

He turns around and pulls you closer to the stand, pointing to the simple, silver necklace with a glittering ball charm, “What do you think about this?”

You shrug, “It’s no soulmate necklace, but I guess it’s nice.” Taehyung seems disappointed by your response so you take a closer look. It’s nice in theory, pretty and sparkling. You’d have to guess anyone would enjoy something like this. “The charm is shiny.”

“Well, yeah. It’s supposed to be.” You give him a look, and he chuckles. He gets the vendor’s attention and waves them over, “How much is this?”

“5.”

Taehyung pulls out some money and hands it over, “Here you go.”

You watch him as he puts the money away, “Why’d you buy it?”

“The little things! Now, turn around.” You give in and turn around, waiting for the inevitable push forward to come. But instead, Taehyung’s hands come down over your head and with one end of the necklace in each hand, “There. Now you look even better.”

“Oh? So I was ugly before?” You ask, turning around to face the Moon god with a teasing smile.

Taehyung’s eyes widen, “What? No! That’s not what I meant! You’re beautiful, I just-” He finds it hard to come up with the right words to say, “-I just think this compliments your look.”

“Thank you.” You say, feeling the heat in your cheeks. You’re also at a loss for words, unsure of how to respond. You’ve never been complimented by someone, “Um-...What else did you want to do today?”

Taehyung looks at his watch and sighs, “It’s not time for us to go to our next surprise, so I guess we’ll have to be spontaneous.”

“Spontaneous? What a big word, I’m impressed.” You tease, earning a glare from the blonde. You sigh, “Fine. I’m sorry. Lead the way.”

The two of you were able to find a park. At least this one wasn’t full of death traps like the other had been. This one only had slides, a merry-go-round, swings, and rocking horses. Of course, you were skeptical at first, but Taehyung’s judgement had proved to be good enough. It was simple enough, and far less terrifying than the amusement park. He was right when he said it’d buy you some time, because the two of you spent quite a bit of time enjoying the playsets made for human children until you finally had to leave for your next surprise.

“Next!” The attendant calls out before the family in front of you even moves. Taehyung leads the way around them to the counter, and you follow behind him like you have all day. The human teenager seems less than enthused to be stuck in a box, “For two?”

Taehyung nods, “Yes. We’d like the 7:30 showing of Save Me.”

The boy tells him the price and holds out his hand, accepting the money Taehyung gives him and handing back two tickets in return, “Enjoy the show. Next!”

“I think we just found Yoongi’s twin.” Taehyung says, more to himself than to you, but it has you bursting into laughter. The blonde opens the door for you, amused by your reaction, “Oh, so you do think I’m funny?”

“No!” You stop and wait for him to catch up with you before you relent, “Okay, so maybe you can be funny, but it’s not a common thing for you.”

He scoffs, “Uhuh, sure. Let’s just get some snacks.”

“Comfort food?”

“As much as we can handle.”

And he stays true to that. The two of you put the poor girl behind the snack counter through the ringer with the amount of candies you buy. The tray to hold your hot food is so packed that you have to carry the popcorn and two of the boxes you bought so it all could fit! The humans that you pass on your way to your movie send you judgemental looks, but if you were them, then you probably would too.

Taehyung leads the way to a small, two-seat balcony section over the theater’s entrance, the first row so you don’t have to hold your tray throughout the movie. You both get settled while videos play on the screen - something that the human’s call previews. Taehyung picks up the hot food he had bought first to eat, and you have no complaints eating them while you wait for your movie to start.

When the lights do finally dim and the crowd in the theater begins to hush, you can’t help but turn to Taehyung, “This isn’t going to be scary, is it?”

“Can I be honest with you?” He asks. You nod, “I have no clue.”

---

Thankfully for you, the movie had not been scary. There were some parts that had you jump from the sudden action, but nothing terrible. It was entertaining for something made in the eyes of a human.

“How clever are humans to paint Fate so well? I’m actually impressed with their interpretation!” You rave as you leave the theater.

Your smile is radiant and Taehyung can feel himself relax, “So, does that mean you liked the movie?” He asks.

“It was enjoyable,” You agree. You can’t deny that seeing your job portrayed correctly has taken you off guard. Not only that, but it’s amusing to think that humans understand your duties better than the deity in front of you. “Though, I’m confused as to why Fate was a talking house cat.”

He shrugs, “Humans are innovative. Their creativity doesn’t have any bounds.”

“I suppose you could say that.” The both of you walk around the corner of the building to the alley, out of eyesight from the humans, “Same time tomorrow?” You ask.

Taehyung nods, “Yeah. Wear sneakers.”

“Sure thing. I’ll see you later.” You look around before you disappear, leaving Taehyung to stare at the empty space where you stood.

This is only your second day out and it feels like an eternity. But the feeling isn’t bad at all. Neither of you have really pushed at the other like you normally do and it’s weird. It’s like that line of friend and enemy has been crossed and you don’t have to be Fate or Moon God.

You’re just (Y/n) and Taehyung.

Both you and Taehyung walk down the street, fairly close to the museum. He’d taken you for a late morning-early afternoon bike ride through the park a few blocks over. Taehyung himself has always found bikes to be a bit more exciting than cars, enjoying the feeling of flying through the air and seeing nature’s colors without a shield.

You sigh, “I’ve never realized just how beautiful trees can be.” You’ve never spent much time on Earth - even in the past few weeks that you’ve spent babysitting. But today you both spent a good hour or so just riding around the park - you even biked the path next to the river. Of course, like everything else, it took a moment for you to really get into everything, but today has been the fastest you’ve given in and felt something other than indifference. Not only did you relax, but Taehyung was able to as well.

“It’s a lot nicer when you can feel the wind through your hair. It makes it feel more magical.” Taehyung agrees. He’d never say it outloud, but this version of you has really captured his attention. He’s barely even thought about worrying over Namjoon and Eunha. There’s just something about the time you’ve spent together that just feels right now.

“I guess it does.”

Taehyung smiles and jogs in front of you, stopping in front of a restaurant, pulling open the door, and offering you a deep bow, “Madame~”

You attempt to bite back a smile and give a small nod back, “Thank you.”

Walking into the cozy little restaurant, you are quickly greeted by the middle aged woman at the counter, “Welcome!”

She’s turned around, so she doesn’t see who’s entered, but Taehyung walks up to the counter and greets her back, “Good afternoon, Yuna!”

Yuna turns around and coos when she confirms it’s Taehyung, “Taehyung!” He waves back at her and she nods, turning back around and tapping the window cut into the wall, “Mom! One of your regulars is here.”

“Who is it?” You hear her before you see her, the door to the kitchen opening to reveal Ms. Oh with her hair tucked away in a hair net. She scans her restaurant and a smile breaks out on her face when she sees Taehyung standing at her counter, “Oh! Taehyung, my handsome boy! Give me a hug.” Ms. Oh all but runs around her front counter and holds out her arms, Taehyung wrapping his arms over the elder woman. She squeezes him tight and sways him back and forth, pulling away to look over his shoulder, “Where’s Hoseok and Jimin?”

He shrugs, “They’re working today.”

“Oh, I see...” She nods in understanding. Turning her attention to you, her eyes going back and forth between you and Taehyung before something seems to click in her brain and any confusion she had turns into mischief, “And who’s this lovely lady~?”

You smile, “(Y/n), it’s nice to meet you.”

“We’re here on a date.” Taehyung adds, a mischievous smile of his own.

Ms. Oh gasps, “A date?!” Taehyung nods and poor Ms. Oh looks like she’s going to have a fit. She turns Taehyung around and pushes him towards you, the deity grabbing onto your shoulders to steady himself, “Oh, you sit down and stop talking to a little old lady like me. You have this beautiful young woman next to you and you’re going to waste time talking to some prune?!”

Taehyung adheres to her advice and starts to lead you to a table by the window, Ms. Oh following the two of you with a menu. He can’t stop himself from adding on as you sit down, “Her beauty is only second to yours, Ms. Oh~”

“You’re not getting a discount. Sit.” She taps his shoulder with the menu and he complies, sitting down and accepting her menu with both hands.

She ruffles his hair and walks away, leaving you both amused and confused, “Well, she’s charming.”

“Ms. Oh is full of personality. Hoseok only comes here for her.” Taehyung laughs before adding on, “And her kimchi.”

The two order their food and continue to make small talk as they wait. It’s hard to miss Ms. Oh peeking over the order window, and Taehyung makes a show out of waving at her everytime he catches her. It’s no surprise when she personally delivers their food to them.

“Here we are~ I expect this food to be all gone before you leave, do you understand?” She gives both of you an expectant look.

Taehyung nods, “Yes, ma’am.”

“Good. Now-” She grabs a chair from a nearby table, pulls it over, and sits down, “-how did the two of you meet?”

“(Y/n) is actually the owner of the museum.” Taehyung explains, taking a bite of his food.

This seems to impress Ms. Oh, “She is?!” She looks to you for confirmation and you do with a hand covering your mouth. She leans back in her seat with a small, seemingly knowing smile, “Wow, so you’re really hitting it off with the boss~”

You choke on your food and Taehyung chuckles, “You could say that.”

Ms. Oh sighs, “I understand. I was hitting it off with the boss’ son back in my day. It got me this restaurant!”

“Mom! Leave that poor couple alone!” Yuna scolds from across the room.

You wave your hands before you speak up, “No, she’s fine!”

She smiles at you and Taehyung continues the conversation, “So, you took over your husband’s family business?”

“I’m afraid it wasn’t until after he died that I took over, but we did run it together for 45 years.” Ms. Oh looks out the window, most likely reminiscing on old days when her husband was alive and well. You give Taehyung a small kick under the table for bringing up a sensitive topic, and his hiss of pain has Ms. Oh breaking out of her thoughts. She must catch onto what happened, because she puts her hand over yours and laughs, “You sweet thing! Your friend Hoseok reminds me of him when he stops by. He likes my kimchi almost as much as my Changbin did.”

Even with a smile, you can still tell how much pain she went through, “I am so sorry for your loss.”

She sighs, “It was a while ago. That wound has closed over now.”

“Still-...those 45 years must have been wonderful.” Taehyung adds, offering a warm smile.

“I cherish every single moment and memory. I keep my most important one’s close to me.” Ms. Oh looks over to where Yuna hands over a delivery order.

“Is Yuna your only child?” You ask.

She squeezes your hand, “My eldest - Hanbin - died in the car accident with his father. Soobin hasn’t spoken to me since he graduated high school.”

“I’m so sorry…” You’re at a loss for words. Comforting humans - comforting others - is not something you’re used to.

“That’s Fate for you.” She shrugs, unbeknownst to her that she’s holding Fate’s hand. Your eyes widen and you look to Taehyung for help, but he’s keeping his head down. Thankfully, Ms. Oh’s determination and free spirit can’t be stopped by something as trivial as strings, “But Fate has brought me wonderful customers such as yourself.”

You smile, “Thank you.”

“And besides, I get plenty of handsome young men coming into my store everyday. Fate blessed me there.” She looks at Taehyung with another bright smile, but you’re no longer as happy as you were, “Oh, look-! I’ve dampened the mood.” Ms. Oh stands up and puts her chair back where it belongs, “The two of you eat up and enjoy each other’s company. Make the most of it.”

“Thank you.” Taehyung gives her a small bow before she walks back to her kitchen, leaving you to sit and think about this nice human who’s had everything cut short by her own family’s strings.

Your strings.

Taehyung sets his head on the table where your eyes stare at nothing, “You okay?”

You meet his eyes and look past him to watch Ms. Oh hug her daughter, “She’s so happy...yet she’s had so much taken from her.”

Taehyung shrugs, “You haven’t been kind to her.”

You nod in agreement, “I wish I could have been.”

---

After lunch with Ms. Oh, you had to make a quick stop by the museum. You didn’t say what you had to get, but Taehyung was happy to wait for you by the front doors. He made good conversation with Jin, even found out a bit more about the man’s many, many failed relationships. Thankfully, you were back within a few minutes, and the two of you still managed to make it to the mall and window shop before you were called away by the council.

Council meetings always come on like cold chills, and it was hard to miss with how violently your body shook. He could tell you were reluctant to go, especially if he wasn’t going with you. But he let you go, assuring you that the outing for tomorrow would need rest anyway.

Now, he stands in front of his apartment door fiddling with the keys to enter his apartment the correct way for the first time in days.

“Hey, I’m ho-Oh!” Taehyung stumbles back, throwing a hand over his eyes. Jimin takes up the couch, sharing his “time” with someone he can’t see, “Sorry…”

Jimin stands up and sighs, fixing his shirt, “It’s okay. Nothing we can’t get back to.” Jeongguk sits up with his brown mop tousled and bruises all over his neck and chin - As surprised as Taehyung is, he really shouldn’t be. Jimin sits back down and crosses his arms, “I see you’re still alive. I wasn’t sure when you didn’t come barging into my room.”

“Yesterday and today went great!” He explains. He begins to take off his shoes, “I took her to an amusement park the first day - and that probably wasn’t my best decision - she really didn’t like a lot of the rides, but she actually relaxed for once! And then today! I took her shopping and we got matching shirts, and we ate tons of food, and I even bought her this cute little necklace. SHe actually liked it. And we-!”

Jimin holds up his hands, “Woah, woah, woah! Hold on! Slow down for a minute.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re starting to sound like you like her.”

Taehyung shrugs, “So? Isn’t that a good thing?”

“No! If you like her then she can use you!” Jimin hits the coffee table with his hand and stands from the couch, “I should’ve known this would happen.”

Taehyung tilts his head in confusion, “What would happen?”

“You!” Jimin yells, “You’re too soft! Too good. If you keep going like this then she’ll only stab you in the back.”

“I’m just getting to know her!”Taehyung defends, “She’s actually not that bad once you find common ground. She actually does this cute little thing with her nose when she’s scared-”

Jimin crosses the room and grabs Taehyung by the front of his shirt, “-Stop it! Listen to yourself! Friends shouldn’t be cute to you!”

“I think you’re overreacting, Jimin.” Jeongguk pipes up from the couch.

JImin turns around with a glare, “Stay out of this, Kookie!”

Taehyung takes this opportunity to push Jimin’s hands off of him, “I’m just trying to get her on our side.”

“Yeah? Well, don’t forget who dropped everything to help you in the first place.” The blond reminds him.

Taehyung is stunned for a minute, “You could’ve said no.” He’s never shown distaste since the first day he agreed to help him. He’s only used every opportunity to reinvent this new version of him. If Jimin was unhappy, then he had ample opportunity to tell him.

“A good friend would help you!”

“Then why are you so angry?!”

“Because you’re letting Fate blind you!” Jimin pushes against Taehyung’s chest and the Moon god stumbles back into the wall behind him, “You’re letting her get into your head, and before you know it everything we’ve worked for will be for nothing-!”

“-You’re wrong!” Taehyung yells, pushing back against him in retaliation, “You don’t know that!”

Jeongguk tries to grab JImin in hopes of reeling him in, but the Earth god throws his arms out to the side, “She doesn’t care, Taehyung! She doesn’t care about the humans and she doesn’t care about you!”

“Then stay out of it!” Taehyung turns his back to his friend and returns to the door where his shoes are.

“Where are you going?” Jimin asks, still very angry.

Taehyung picks up his shoes and shrugs, “If you won’t help with my plan then I won’t force you.”

“Taehyung wait-!” Jeongguk tried, but the Moon couldn’t care less. He’s been around people that don’t want to be near him long enough to understand when he should just go.

He finds himself by the river again. Not even 12 hours ago he was here with you and he was smiling and happy and free and now it’s tainted. He can feel his own rays of light shining down to give him warmth, but it’s for nothing. He doesn’t feel it.

At a moment like this, he just wants to feel something.

You’d like to feel less.

Council meetings have never been anyone’s favorite. It’s very rare that every deity is required to attend, and it’s tasked upon the High 6 to meet regularly to maintain balance. You’ve done it since the beginning of the universe and you doubt it wil stop until the very end. The only thing worse than a regular meeting and a full meeting, is a meeting called to discuss the Pillars of Balance.

These meetings are never in your favor.

“Have the 3 of you forgotten how your jobs work?” Seowoo - the Cosmos asks, annoyance dripping from her tongue.

You, Yoongi, and Hoseok stand before the other 3, holding your ground together as they all stare you down. Seowoo is almost livid, while Juhyun looks like he doesn’t care either way. Hui - as always - is almost impossible to read.

“It’s not like we haven’t been trying. You try spending 6 days straight with Taehyung and see if you can tolerate him enough.”

Juhyun sighs, “Why don’t we just strip his powers away? Won’t that fix the problem?” He doesn’t even attempt to hide his boredom.

Seowoo shakes her head, “He needs to be stripped of his powers! We warned him the first time and look where that got us!”

You absolutely disagree, “Don’t you think that’s a bit harsh?” You ask.

She scoffs, “You’re the reason we’re in this position in the first place!”

“Excuse me?”

“We should have taken his powers away years ago, but you just had to baby him!”

You’re offended, “Because it was his first offense and I thought he learned his lesson! You’re the ones that didn’t try to understand him!” You’ve never once shown special treatment to anyone. You definitely aren’t now.

“Oh, I understand him alright. He’s a menace, and you’ve only encouraged his behavior!”

“I tried to do what was best for him!” You argue.

Juhyun pipes up, “What about what’s best for everyone else?”

He makes a valid point, but you know that taking the powers away really won’t be helping anyone, “He’s lonely on his planet. Taking away his ability to visit others won’t fix that.”

“Maybe he’d stop trying to do everyone’s job…” Seowoo mumbles, crossing her arms over her chest and sitting back in her chair.

“This is just a rough patch for him.” You explain. You know Taehyung, and as much as he thinks you’re changing, he’s changing just as much. “He needs to see that this isn’t going to go the way he wants and he’ll stop!”

“Or he’ll do it all over again!” Seowoo argues, completely exasperated.

Juhyun looks to Hoseok and Yoongi on either side of you for some kind of helpful input, “Are the two of you listening to this?”

Hoseok nods, “We stand behind (Y/n)’s decisions.”

Seowoo groans in annoyance and turns to the only other person who can do anything, “Hui, talk some sense into them. Into her.”

“(Y/n)-” He stands from his chair and leaves his platform, extending his arm to you, “Come with me.”

You ignore the pleased smile on Seowoo’s face and take his arm, allowing him to lead you away from the enclosed room. He takes you to a small balcony just off the room, a curtain being the only door between you and the others. The balcony has a beautiful view of the galaxy, showcasing twinkling stars and distant planets. You try to enjoy it, but your nerves are too on edge.

Hui joins you, resting his arms on the railing, “Have you been alright?”

This takes you by surprise, “Of course! What kind of question is that?” You ask.

“You’ve been acting differently for quite some time now.” He explains, “I’d say since Taehyung first started causing trouble.”

You shake your head, “I think you’re wrong. I’m the same person I’ve always been.”

He turns his head to look at you, “I don’t believe you are.”

You sigh, “Look, Seowoo has always been dramatic. I promise you that I am taking this situation seriously.”

“When Jimin severed the humans from their soulmates, you nearly ended his entire career. You didn’t give Taehyung that treatment.” He’s not wrong, but Jimin’s situation was so much different from Taehyung’s.

“Taehyung messed with the fate of 2 individuals, not an entire population...” You remind him.

Hui looks down and back up, sighing, “What are you trying to achieve?”

“Taehyung doesn’t understand. I’m trying to help him come to terms with their future, but it’s just taking a little longer.”

Hui laughs, “He’s a moon. He doesn’t understand, and it’s very likely he never will. He’s not like you.”

“Taehyung has never had anyone call out to him for help.” You explain, “He’s only insistent on doing this because Namjoon came to him and now he feels responsible!”

“So, that’s what’s wrong with him…” The Universe seems to understand.

“I thought after what happened the first time, he would have understood. That he would have given up on something that was so doomed from the start, but he’s determined.” In a way, you really feel for Taehyung. He’s doing what he thinks is right, but his determination is only causing more pain than good. “I’m just trying to help him.”

“I think you and I both know that helping him is no way to help him.”

“I’m hoping to lessen his pain! We stripped Jimin of his powers and now look at him!” After stripping him of his powers, the Earth god became so much more human-like than anyone could have anticipated. He found other ways to play with humans and make them praise him, and his resentment has yet to fully diminish.

Hui tilts his head in confusion, “We?”

You heave a heavy sigh, “I.”

Hui shrugs, “I thought you said he deserved it? You thought it was best.”

“Well I was wrong!” You admit, slapping your hand against the cool marble railing. Watching Jimin over the years try to assimilate has always made you feel terrible. No matter how justified your actions may have been, watching him has always felt wrong, “Let me make this right.”

He sighs, “You know, Fate has no use for Hope.”

You laugh, “Some omnipotent being I am…”

Hui shrugs, “You can’t help that you’ve fallen in love.”

His words have you whipping your head faster than the speed of light, “What?”

“You can’t help that yo-”

“No. I heard you the first time.” You assure him. You heard him loud and clear and he could not be more wrong, “I’m not in love with Taehyung.”

He smiles knowingly, “I never said it was Taehyung.”

“But you implied it was!” He raises an eyebrow as if to challenge you, and you’re astonished. You can feel the heat rising on your cheeks and you find yourself stumbling over your words, “I am not in- In love with Taehyung! He’s a thorn in my side!”

He chuckles and turns his attention to the view in front of you, “You’re lucky.”

“Excuse me?”

“Your job brings you close to humans. You get to experience their emotions far more than the rest of us.” He explains, his gaze locked on the inhabited planet.

You’re completely confused, “Is there a point you’re trying to make? Gods have no use for emotions.”

“Is that so?” He asks. He turns his head to you with a mischievous smile, “Or is that just what we decided was best?”

You pout, “We’ve already seen what human emotions can do to us 1 too many times…”

“And we’ve learned.” He agrees, “Why don’t you give it a shot?”

You shake your head, “How is an emotion like love supposed to help me right now?”

“Let me ask you this: Are you doing this to give Taehyung a second chance? Or is this your 4th?” He asks.

It’s been far too long since you were first created as the Goddess of Fate. In that time, you’ve learned the in’s and out’s of what it takes. Most importantly, you’ve experienced most of your rules first hand. It’s been so long and pushed so far out of your mind, that even you forget about your own shortcomings.

“You’ve made mistakes and you have regrets. You’re not perfect.”

You scoff, thinking of Seowoo, “Perfect is apparently a part of the job...”

Hui sighs and pushes away from the railing, “I’ll tell the other’s that this situation is no longer any of our business and you, Yoongi, and Hoseok will make everything right, just as you always do. But do me a favor and remember what we’ve talked about.”

He walks away, leaving you on the balcony by yourself to think. He’s always such a strange character, and sometimes he’s almost unconventional. He should be a God of Mischief instead of your Universe. But he does leave you with many things to mull over.

Are you projecting your own past regrets onto Taehyung without even realizing it? Are you hoping that by fixing Taehyung, you’ll feel better about all of your past mistakes? Do you really see him as just an acquaintance, or are you actually in love with him? It doesn’t make sense to you. There are many reasons to treat him differently.

You can’t be in love with Taehyung.

You feel a tug on your finger, and it’s very light at first, but it soon gets harder and more urgent. This usually means that someone is doing something they shouldn’t, and if the track records are anything to go off of then the Moon god is the one to blame.

You quickly make the travel from Star 13 to Earth, following your strings to the mischievous god. You’re not surprised to see him flinging rocks into the river, nor are you surprised to see the overturned trash cans and benches along the path to him. Taehyung has always been emotional, and he tends to go overboard when he gets upset. You fix most of his mess and hurry to stop him, hoping to get to him before someone calls the human authorities on him.

“You know-” Taehyung stops mid-throw, “there are easier ways to contact me.”

He’s surprised - and he really shouldn’t be. He knew if he caused a big enough scene then you’d have no choice but to come and see what he was up to. A part of him knew exactly what he was doing, but his irrational side would never let him admit it.

Taehyung lets his arm fall to his side and he lightly tosses the last rock into the water, “When have I ever used a normal means?”

You shrug, “I suppose I should’ve expected something like this.”

Neither of you are sure what to say after that. Taehyung is fighting an inner battle with himself, unsure if he actually wants your help or regrets trying in the first place. And you’re still reeling from the conversation with hUi and what exactly it is that you’re feeling. But either way, you are there and Taehyung does need help.

“So-” You start, coming up next to him and sitting in the grass, “What’s bothering you?”

“Why do you think something’s bothering me?” “Okay, so, maybe something is bothering me.”

“Wanna talk about it?” “You ask, patting the spot next to you, “I promise I’ll try my best to not-...” You hesitate, “-be so me.”

“You aren’t the problem,” Taehyung sighs, “Well-” He sits down cross-legged next to you, “-you are, but you aren’t.”

“That doesn’t make sense.”

“I know, just bare with me.”

“Okay.”

Taehyung sighs, “Jimin and I got into a fight over the deal you and I made.”

“Why?” You ask.

“He doesn’t think you can change.” He admits.

Knowing your relationship with Jimin, you really can’t blame him for thinking that way, “I guess to someone like Jimin, that would make the most sense. I’ve never really been easy on him.”

“Yeah, but that’s biased!”

“Are you saying you aren’t biased?” You ask. Taehyung opens his mouth, but words don’t come out. You place a hand on his shoulder, “Jimin has his reasons.”

Taehyung sighs and looks to his lap, “I know, that’s what scares me…”

“Well, you kn-Oh!” You feel something cold at your feet and stand up. The water of the river has risen, slowly coming closer to you, “We should move back. The water is really coming in.” You take a few steps back, but Taehyung stays in his spot, “Taehyung?”

The moon god just lays back and looks to the sky where his planet shines bright, “Most of Jimin’s planet is made up of water. I’ve always loved it’s color and how beautiful it looks from my planet. I guess I’m just attracted to it.”

“It’s normal to be attracted to beautiful things.” You rationalize.

Taehyung tilts his head back to look at you, “Did you know that humans are 70% water?” He asks. You shake your head and he positions his so that he can see his planet again. “I think I have an obsession.”

“No.” You move to sit just above his head in the grass and lean over him ever so slightly, making sure the god can see you, “I think you have feelings.”

Taehyung rolls his eyes, “Is that really any better? Gods aren’t supposed to have feelings.”

His point is exactly what you had said to Hui, but the Universe had made some fair points as well, “Then why do we have them?”

“We?” Taehyung questions.

“You heard me. We all have them, even Hui and Yoongi do! Why would we have feelings if we aren’t supposed to have them?” You ask. Taehyung looks confused. He reaches his hand up and rests it at your cheek, holding it there for a moment before pinching it between his fingers “Ow!”

You slap his hand and he pulls it away, “Sorry, I just had to make sure you aren’t from Planet 181.” You give him a hard glare and he holds his hands in front of his chest, “It’s just weird that you’re being so positive and-...supportive.” You’re not usually a very supportive person. Of course, he’s been able to see a new side of you these past few days, but it’s still so new. It starts to make him think something else is going on.

He sits up and scoots himself back so he can sit next to you, “Did something happen with the council?”

“They-uh…” It’s hard to meet his eyes. You can only think back to what Hui had said about your own feelings in this moment, and you have to remind yourself that this needs to be a professional moment. You decide to tell him the better news. “Hui is leaving the situation in my hands. They’re going to stay out of it from now on.”

“I honestly can’t tell if that’s good news for me or not.” He jokes. You shake your head, but you find it hard to be mad at him. Over the past few days, you’ve really seen a change in him, and you’d be lying if you said you haven’t noticed your own changes. Maybe you can both win at the end of this.

“Maybe it can be good.” He tilts his head in confusion and you sigh, “I will try to help you from here on out.”

Taehyung’s eyes widen in surprise, “Really?! But we still have one more day!”

“And you can still show me whatever you have left. I just-” You look for the right words to say. You don’t want to give him false hope, but there are ways to trick Fate. You just can’t do it alone, “Maybe there is something more I can do.”

“Really?!” You nod, “Oh! Yes! Thank you!” Taehyung tackles you to the ground with a hug, “You’re amazing! I knew I could change your mind!”

“Yeah, yeah.” You awkwardly pat Taehyung on the back, “Just know I’ll do my best. Now, get off of me!”

Taehyung rolls off of you, but he’s not ready to let go. His hand finds yours and he intertwines your fingers with his, “Thank you.”

“For what?”

He squeezes your hand, “Giving me a chance.”

“Fate isn’t very notorious for letting things just magically fall into place,” You admit. You turn your head to look at him and smile, “But second chances can happen.”

“I promise not to let you down.” He says. He looks back to the sky and sighs, “I just hope Eunha and Namjoon get the opportunity to spend time like this.”

“Like this?” You ask, slightly confused.

“Together.”

He says it so innocently, that you’re unsure if he considers your relationship with him to be similar to theirs or if he enjoys the new dynamic the two of you have. He looks so at peace lying next to you, holding your hand and enjoying the view of his planet. His own rays bathe him in a healthy glow and you can feel a flutter in your chest. You can’t help but think of what he means to you.

Maybe you are in love with Taehyung.

Your weekend with Taehyung made you feel special and light, a bit more free than you’ve felt in a millennia. For once, you’ve haven’t worried over strings or worried about their pull. You only worried about yourself and you got to focus on what it’s like to step outside of the box. You got to be you, and now you’re one step closer to knowing how you feel about Taehyung.

But all good things must come to an end.

There’s a moment in time when a dam breaks that everything seems to slow down. It’s like gravity forgets to pull down and everything is left hanging in the air. Your stomach drops and life just seems to drain out of you knowing the inevitable is coming whether you want it to or not. That’s how it feels looking at your hands and following every last string to it’s end.

“Are you going to tell him?” Hoseok asks.

You shake your head, “No.” You want to more than anything, but you can’t let your feelings cloud your judgement. Even if you did, you know Taehyung’s would guide him, and that has never worked well for anyone in the past. “Telling him won’t help him.”

“But he’s going to be really angry with you when he finds out.” Hoseok - the sweet God he is - picked up on your changes a while ago. He figured out your feelings even before Hui did, and seeing your progress be disrupted by this has him on edge.

“I’ll deal with it when I get there.” You assure him. You can’t worry about the future when you really need to focus on the now, “Did you find him?”

He nods, “It took a while, but Yoongi managed.”

You nod in approval, “Good. Don’t be too hard on him.”

“That’s not fun, (Y/n).” He whines.

You wave him off, “Just take Yoongi and do what I tell you.”

“Fine, but you owe me.” He relents. He turns to leave, but he turns back with a sly smirk, “Maybe we should call you the love god.”

“Goodbye, Hoseok!”

He finally leaves, and you’re left with the possibilities ahead of you.

A happy ending isn’t written, it’s hardly even a good ending as far as humans would be concerned. The string knots and breaks every single time. It’s disappointing to say the least, especially after the promise you made to Taehyung. This will crush him just as much as it will crush Eunha to say goodbye, but you can’t let it continue on any longer. At this point, there’s nothing else you can do but wait for gravity to fall.

And fall it did.

Everything was fine. He was over the moon with the relationship he formed with you. Eunha seemed so happy after her break, especially after taking Namjoon with her. He’d hoped they bonded just like the two of you had. It seemed like all the strings were finally converging nicely, but he never thought something like this could happen.

He storms into your office without so much as a warning, “Did you know this would happen?!”

“Well, hello to you too.” You’re taken aback by his entrance, “Don’t worry, I wasn’t busy.”

“Did you know?” He asks again.

He’s angry, and there’s only two possible reasons why he’s behaving like this. But there’s only one way to be sure, “Did I know what?”

“Stop pretending like you don’t know!” He demands, “Eunha told Namjoon she wants to break the necklace.”

“So she chose that future…” You confirm. You look down at your hands, the faint glow of the strings illuminating them. There’s nothing you can do now, especially now that she’s already begun the process, “That’s her decision Taehyung, I don’t control her free will.”

“Can’t you change something?!” He asks.

“You should already know it’s not that simple.”

“How?! Every time you talk to me, you never talk to me!” He complains.

You’re confused, “What do you mean? I always talk to you.”

“No. You talk at me. There’s a difference.” He explains bitterly, “You don’t think I can handle the truth.”

You shrug, “Well, you can’t.”

“Yes, I can.”

“Can you really?”

“Yes!”

“Well, it doesn’t seem like you can because you never seem to get it through your head!” You yell.

Taehyung scoffs, “And whose fault is that?”

“You think it’s mine?!”

“Well, it’s not for lack of communication on my part!”

“Bullshit!” You curse, “I’ve told you multiple, multiple, multiple times exactly what needed to be done and how things would play out and now it’s up to them and you never listen! You think I’m lying and that I’m working against you, but you don’t even understand how my job works!”

“Like looking at your hands is a big deal.”

“It’s a whole lot more than that and you know it!” Every time you think you’re past this argument, he always brings it back around, “I know you want them to be happy, and you want to keep your promise. I get that, but they can’t go on like this anymore. It’s only a matter of time before they break.”

Taehyung feels defeated. You had told him that you might be able to do something, but from where he’s standing you’re not making any effort at all. You’re just letting them both fall victim to their strings, and ignoring his pleas. It’s like you never really cared in the first place.

Of course, you want to do more, but there’s only so much one can do. Controlling Fate isn’t an option, “I really am sorry, Taehyung, but this is out of our hands.”

A scream rings out through the hallways and it catches the both of you off guard. To you, this is the beginning of the end. For Taehyung, this is his last and final chance.

You meet his eyes and you already know what he’s thinking, “There’s nothing you can do for them, Taehyung.”

“Watch me.”

He bolts, knocking a chair over in the process of running out the door. It catches you off guard, but you have far more tricks up your sleeve.

You travel to the main hall, just outside of the cafe, 10 feet in front of Taehyung who insists on running, “Taehyung, please stop and just listen to me for once.”

“I’m not just going to let this opportunity slip away!” He runs around you and you work fast to get in front of him again.

“Kim Taehyung! Don’t make me hold you down, because I will!” You threaten. You hold your hands out in front of you to block him, “You’re not thinking rationally! Stop behaving like a human!”

“Stop acting like a god!” He yells back, “You may be all-knowing, but you really don’t know as much as you think you do! They still have a small chance, and I’m not going to give up and let them slip through my fingers like you do!”

“Then you leave me no choice.”

You place your hands in front of you and pull them apart to reveal the strings that bind them together. You gently pull your pointer finger back, causing the string to tighten. Taehyung trips over it as another scream rings out through the museum.

He tries to get up, but you pull back again, “What are you doing?!” He yells.

“I’m trying to make this as painless as possible for everyone!” You explain, holding him tight in the chaos of your strings.

Another scream rings out and Taehyung struggles to break himself free, “Eunha needs me! Let me go!”

“You’ll just get hurt if I let you go, Taehyung!” You try to explain. You know how this ends, and you know how devastated he’ll be. You can’t do that to him. He’s been through enough, and this needs to end here and now before anyone else gets hurt. “I’m trying to help you!”

“Then stop trying!” He demands, “That’s how you can help me.”

You know he’s hurting, but you can’t pretend you aren’t hurt by his words, “Fine.” You let him go, but you’re not done yet, “But you’ll be too late.”

You make a fist with both hands and tug hard, a cacophony of sounds echoing down the hall. An entire hoard of museum exhibits have been brought to life and freed, and you let them. Taehyung is appalled, “You promised!”

“I promised I would help and do what I can.” You remind him, “This is the best possible outcome.”

You have good intentions, but Taehyung just can’t see it, “Letting them go through with it?! Breaking the spell! Making them say goodbye?!”

“Goodbye’s aren’t forever.” You know firsthand that this isn’t their end. Their paths most likely will never cross again, but that doesn’t mean they never will. Breaking the spell is the best chance they have at saving any connection they have, “Taehyung, you just have to trust me-”

“I’m done trusting you!” He yells, “Jimin was right, I never should have made that stupid deal! It was all for nothing.”

He feels stupid and used, but most importantly, he feels betrayed. You promised him, but it was to play against him. He thought you changed, but you’re the same person you’ve always been. Uncaring, cold, and a god.

You’re Fate.

You try not to take his words to heart, but you can’t help it, “Was it really all for nothing?” Taehyung doesn’t say anything, and you feel the uneasiness in the pit of your stomach. You’re both silent.

And so is the museum.

Taehyung’s heart drops when he realizes that the once noisy hall is now bathed in silence, “No-”

He looks to you for confirmation, and you can’t deny him the truth, “I’m sorry.”

“Eunha!” Taehyung takes off down the hall and disappears into thin air, no doubt to the King’s exhibit. He leaves you standing alone, wondering why doing the right thing has to hurt.

Taehyung never came back down from the 3rd floor exhibit. After Namjoon was officially gone and Eunha was left with the remains of their bond, Taehyung took off to mourn yet another loss. You never saw him leave, and Eunha didn’t say anything on the way out. You can only hope that she doesn’t let this affect her.

You really hope Taehyung will be forgiving.

“He hasn’t come back to the apartment since our fight.” Jimin confirms.

You stare out the window of your office, arms crossed as you scan the street for any sign of the Moon. It’s been 11 days since anyone has seen Taehyung, and you’re really starting to worry about him.

“Did you check his planet?” You ask.

“He’s not there.” You turn to look at him, ready to ask if he checked the whole planet, but Jimin is 2 steps ahead of you, “I checked both sides.”

“Dammit!” You curse. You raise your hand to hold onto the shining necklace he’d bought you on your outing. You haven’t taken it off since he put it on you, and you’ve found yourself holding onto it to ground you when your strings start to pull you. “Please keep me updated.”

“Yeah…” Jimin looks you over. You’re nervous. Which is strange because the only emotion you ever usually show is anger. He’s seen plenty of humans act this way, and you seem to be genuinely worried about Taehyung. “You really care about him, don’t you?”

“Is that a problem?” You ask, glaring at him.

He shrugs, shoving his hands in his pockets, “I didn’t peg you for someone with emotions.”

You sigh, “You’ve never had any reason to.” You sit down in your chair and lean back, “I’m sorry about that, by the way.”

“I don’t think it was all that bad. I got to expand my knowledge of humans, experience their cultures, and their unique qualities.” He explains, “Even the pleasurable ones.”

You close your eyes and choose to ignore that last part, “Well, at least you had something good come from it.”

“Hey-” He gets your attention, “I deserved it. You don’t have to regret it. Just promise me you’ll make this up to Taehyung.”

“I will.” You promise.

Jimin nods in approval and turns to leave. On his way out, he bumps into Yoongi, “Well, hello Yoongi~”

“Hi Jimin.” Life greets, unamused by his presence.

You wait for Jimin to leave before you sit up and get to business, “Have you found him?”

“Which one?”

“Taehyung.”

“No.” Your shoulders fall and Yoongi sighs. He sits down across from you, “Give him some time to process this.”

You shake your head, “This is exactly what I was afraid of.”

“You did the right thing.” He assures you.

“It doesn’t feel like it.”

“Just hold out a little longer.”

“Fine.” You agree. Yoongi has never steered you wrong, so you don’t see why he would now. Holding out a bit more hope won’t hurt you.

“Hoseok and I are almost ready, by the way.” He adds.

“And you’re sure it’ll work?” You ask. Yoongi shrugs, not a very good sign for what you have planned. “Yoongi!”

“There’s a first time for everything!” He argues, “We put our faith in you, now you do the same.”

You really don’t want to chance this blowing up in your face - you know Seowoo would never let you hear the end of it - but this may be the only way to fix everything. You can only hope Yoongi and Hoseok can actually pull it off, “Please don’t make me regret this.”

Yoongi seems to be able to read you mind, “I don’t want to deal with Seowoo just as much as you don’t want to.”

A knock comes from the door, “Excuse me?” Both you and Yoongi turn to see Seokjin standing in your doorway. He seems very apologetic as he looks between the both of you, “Sorry to interrupt, but I was told to come and see you.”

“No problem at all! We’re just finishing up.” You assure the human.

Yoongi stands and brushes off his pants, “I’ll let you know what happens later.” He says goodbye to Seokjin and the greeter bows as he leaves.

“Have a seat, Seokjin.” You offer, pointing to the chair in front of you. He accepts your offer and you pull open your desk drawer to grab the file you made specifically for him, “I just wanted to start off by saying thank you so much for continuing to be such a hard worker. Every time I see you, you’re engaging our patrons with a smile on your face, and I have received numerous compliments from others about what a wonderful greeter I have at my front door.”

He smiles, “Thank you, ma’am. I really try my best to make our guests happy and feel welcome.”

He’s so humble, and that’s one of the things you like the most about him, “I know, and that’s why I wanted to offer a promotion to you.”

“A promotion?”

“You’ve worked well with us for a few years now, I think a promotion is appropriate. You’re very familiar with Ms. Kang, yes?” You ask, knowing very well that he knows his supervisor.

“Of course! She’s a wonderful supervisor.”

“Well, she wants to retire, and I want you to fill her role.” You explain, “You’re still more than welcome to maintain your position as a greeter with your promotion, but entrance maintenance and customer satisfaction will be left to you.”

“Oh wow...I don’t know what to say.” He admits, taking in the new information.

You nod in understanding, “I don’t need an answer now. Her retirement is a few months away, but I want to put it on the table.”

“Yes! Of course! Thank you!” He struggles to find the right words to express his gratitude, “I would love to take over when she steps down!”

“I’m glad to hear that.” You hand him the file you made, all of the information he’ll be needing tucked away inside, “You’ll be working closely with our curators and our security, so I would start to build those relationships if you haven’t already. But I’m sure you already have.”

He nods, “Yes, ma’am. I’m good friends with a lot of the museum staff.”

“If you need someone to help you, check with Kim Taehyung. He’s very much a people person.” You suggest.

“I will!” He agrees, “I know he’s not here today, but I’ll ask him when he’s done at the river.”

“The river?” You ask.

“He called in again today. He said he hasn’t been feeling himself.” Seokjin explains, “I sent him a text just to check in and he said he just needed some time to think in his favorite spot. His favorite spot is by the river.”

“Yes. I see.” You hum. As much as you’d like to continue your conversation with him, you want - more than anything - to go find Taehyung and talk to him. You fake checking your watch and smile, “I look forward to seeing how you grow, Seokjin, but I’m afraid I need to be on my way to a meeting with a few sponsors.”

“Of course!” He stands and so do you, extending a hand to congratulate him. “Thank you again for this opportunity.”

You nod, “Anything I can do.”

He leaves and you quickly pack your things, walking out of the building to keep up appearances. You make it around the corner to a section of sidewalk completely unlit by streetlights before you travel to the river in search of the moon god. The last time he was here, he’d caused havoc and quite literally trashed whatever was in his path. Your hope is that you’ll find him exactly where you had last time.

You don’t see him in the grass when you first pass by, but taking a second look, you do find him with the water up to his chest and his legs floating in front of him. His eyes are closed and he looks to have blocked out everything around him. He just lays in the quiet, in the water, under the stars.

“Taehyung…” You approach him slowly, coming to the edge of the water, and hesitantly taking a seat. You bring your knees to your chest and wrap your arms around them, “If you’re not careful, then you’ll drift away.”

He sighs, “I’d rather drift away than feel nothing anymore.”

You don’t know what to say to that. He’s in mourning, and you understand that this all must be hard for him. Especially dealing with a loss for a second time. You want to comfort him, but comfort isn’t something you really know how to do.

Of course, Taehyung knows you don’t know what comfort is. That’s all he’s been able to think about since that night at the museum. You tried so hard to keep him away from what was happening to protect him, and he refused to listen. You weren’t lying when you said you were doing what was best for him.

You weren’t lying about a lot of things.

“Why am I cursed to be the moon? Why must I be so lonely and powerless compared to others?” He asks aloud. You don’t have an answer, and he doesn’t expect one, “Dwarf planets aren’t required to stay with their planets, they don’t require attention. So, why do I have to stay with mine when I have nothing to offer?”

“I don’t know...”

“I’m just the Moon. There’s nothing special about me. I’m just a hopeless romantic ruining the lives of others for my own personal enjoyment.” He’s defeated. He tried so hard. He did everything he possibly could and it still wasn’t enough. “I’m the exact thing I told you I wasn’t.”

Of course, you’ve known how this would inevitably end from the beginning. Whether you were on his side from the start or not, you knew that trying to bring Eunha and Namjoon would end in goodbye for everyone. Of course, there were multiple bad and good outcomes, but this was luckily one of the better ones.

Is he a hopeless romantic? The biggest one you’ve ever seen.

But was he wrong? You’re not entirely sure. However, if there’s one thing you know for sure, it’s that Taehyung deserves to know the truth.

He deserves to know everything.

“That first time you tried to bring them together-” He turns his head to look at you, “Namjoon still would have died from sickness. It wouldn’t have gone away.” You’d hoped that maybe for once, you wouldn’t be right. If you were lucky, then his necklace would work and he’d feel proud and he’d go home. But you couldn’t let it work just for Namjoon to die. “That’s why I sent the guards in.”

“Why didn’t you tell me then?”

“I thought that if I told you then, that you would’ve tried again.” You say. Thinking about it makes you laugh considering where you are now, “I guess you would’ve tried anyways.”

He sits up in the water and scoots back, “Yeah...I probably would have.”

“Do you remember when Namjoon died and I came to present you to the counsel?” You ask. He nods, “You told me that maybe if I had an ounce of compassion that people would like me better?”

“Yeah...” He had said that to you. It was out of anger and sorrow, and he never did get the chance to apologize for it.

“I think I’d like myself better too.” You admit, “When I was younger and more naive, I always thought I could pull my strings how I pleased. I thought I could do whatever I wanted, and that ended with ruined lives and the deaths of thousands.”

“You? Ruining lives and causing death?” He asks, almost in disbelief.

You nod, “Hui had to stop me before it got too bad, and he introduced me to Hoseok and Yoongi. He had us learn together how to keep balance, and he told me that I couldn’t allow myself to get caught up with one measly human or I’d never treat any of them fairly.” He was right in a way, but he himself has grown more too. “That’s why I’ve been so terrible.”

Taehyung shakes his head, “You’ve been doing your job.”

You scoff, “Some job I have.”

“No one ever said it was easy to do what you do.” He says. You’re shocked to say the least, he’s the last person you would have expected to back you up. But he’s had time to think everything over. “I shouldn’t have said it was. I’m sorry it took me so long.”

“We all have to learn. It’d be easier if it stuck quicker for some.” You tease, earning a laugh from the Moon. He didn’t pick up on the severity of the situation quite as quickly, but maybe he would have if you had been more honest with him. “Actually, you’re familiar with Seokjin, right?”

“Of course! He’s a good friend.”

“He’s one of the first and last strings I ever knotted.”

“Wait, really?” You nod, “Is that why he can never keep a date?”

“It was very early on, humanity had just been created and I was figuring everything out. At the time, I was much more compassionate towards humans.” You explain. You were very much like Taehyung when you first started, but you didn’t stay like that for long. “He liked this girl, and I thought if I just pulled a few strings then they would come together and live happy for the rest of their lives, but-”

He gasps, “Their strings knotted.”

“I tried to fix it. I thought I could tie them back together, but I couldn’t.” You still remember watching Seokjin say goodbye to his destined lover. He was devastated and it was all your fault. He hasn’t run into them since, and you don’t know that he ever will. “I ruined their lives because I couldn’t do my job.”

“You did what you thought was right.” Taehyung assures you, placing a hand on your shoulder to comfort you.

You smile, “So did you.” You lean against his side and rest your head on his shoulder.

Taehyung rests his head on top of yours and sighs, “What are we going to do about Eunha?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?” He asks, surprised, “But she knows.”

“She won’t tell. She’s too busy mourning to worry herself over us.” You seriously doubt she’ll risk telling everyone about the two of you. But still, everything she’s going through right now can’t be easy. “I guess it really isn’t easy to be in love.”

“Love?”

“Love.”

~ Read: Finale ~

32 notes · View notes

heejinnien · 4 years ago

Text

j.jungkook | monsters

word count: 4.5k

pairing: jungkook x reader

synopsis: in the darkness is when the monsters rise.

genre: horror, angst, demon au

warnings: implied minor character death, implied toxic relationship, brief description of gore, death threat, brief violence

author’s note: please do not read this fic if any of the topics listed in the warnings is upsetting or triggering for you. this fic is based on the tale of the hungarian demon, the lidérc. they feed off of nightmares and fear. my beta readers (thank you so much to @voiceswithoutlips-kas, @elcie-chxn, and ryan for beta reading this fic for me) have told me that this fic might be confusing to read at first, so please read it in its entirety. i promise that every detail serves a purpose. that being said, the entire fic will be placed under the read more cut, as triggering content is mentioned right from the start. the banner was made by @voiceswithoutlips-kas, thank you so much.

cross posted to ao3 here

Now

He's dead, the doctors tell you.

The surgeon in charge of the procedure that was supposed to save your husband's life murmurs his condolences, explaining how your husband's body rejected the new organ. They tried their best, he explains, but once your husband's body had decided to reject it there was not much they could do.

It's almost ironic how he died, considering the numerous ways you thought he would go over the years due to the reckless activities he constantly engaged in. Each time he would leave the house you feared for his life, feared that one day he would no longer return to you. Now, it seems, your worst fears have come true.

When the news finally sinks in you let out a sob, although whether it is one of relief or one of despair you can't quite decipher.

Despite the fact that he loved berating you, loved tearing you down until you were entirely reliant on him, you still loved him. Until death do us part, you had promised on the day of your wedding, and you still loved him as much as you did when you were both teenagers in high school. Going on a date with him sparked the same chaos of butterflies in your stomach as it did on your first date, and you were giddy over the smallest amounts of affection, willingly bending over backward trying to please the man who used to be your husband even at your own discomfort.

In the first days of your marriage, your friends and family would visit you. You had bought an apartment together in the city so that he would be close to his work. You had your reservations at first, but he slowly convinced you of the idea. Of course, he could convince you to walk across glass and you gladly would, for him.

And, at first, you were delighted when somebody would visit you. Your husband had insisted he would provide for your every need, so you didn’t work. You also didn’t leave the apartment, as your husband had also insisted it was too dangerous for you. You had initially become hurt at his words, but when he explained it was merely because you weren’t used to the city and that he would take you out whenever you needed to go out, you accepted his words without argument.

Then

“Y/N,” one of your friends had said abruptly during her visit. You were conversing casually over tea, yourself perched on the edge of your sofa and her on a loveseat opposite you. She leaned forward, worry creasing her face. “I think you should come back home.”

“I’m fine, Soodam,” you replied, startled at her words and setting your tea cup down loudly. “I love my husband, and I love the city.”

Soodam pursed her lips. “From what I’ve seen, your husband keeps you prisoner here.”

You stood indignantly, anger flaring inside you at her words. “He does not! He just wants what’s best for me.”

“How many times have you been into the city then, Y/N?” Soodam pushed, standing up after you. She stepped closer, and you shied away, suddenly nervous.

“I… That doesn’t matter.” You huffed, crossing your arms over your chest and turning to put space between you and Soodam. No matter how much you desperately wanted her to stay away from you, she continued to follow you, grabbing your arm to prevent you from running away from her.

“Y/N, please listen to me,” she begged. “You haven’t been the same since you married him and you know it. The apartment is the only place your husband allows us to meet, and he keeps you like a dog on a leash.”

You yanked your arm out of her hold, anger bubbling inside you like a volcanic vat near explosion. How dare she talk ill of you and your husband like that, she didn’t know anything about you.

“Get out,” you spat harshly, wiping furiously at the tears that threatened to spill from your eyes.

Soodam’s eyes widened, and her voice softened. “Y/N, please. I miss you.” She stepped forward again. “Come home with me.”

“I — ” You trembled, suddenly unsure. Your previous anger dissipated within a second, and you stared at your longtime friend. Sensing your hesitation, Soodam continued, this time with a renewed vigor.

“Your parents miss you, Y/N, I miss you. Please, just come back with me and — ”

“That will be enough, Soodam.”

The aforementioned girl gasped, and you looked to see your husband standing in the doorway to the living room, face stoic but eyes burning with anger. He spared you a brief glance before moving into the room, making your friend suddenly cower back in fright.

“I think it’s time for you to leave.”

Scared, Soodam stared at the floor, grabbing her purse from the coffee table and immediately walking in the direction of the door. Before she could get there, your husband grabbed her arm, much as she had done to you earlier, and whispered in her ear. She nodded, face ashen, staring at the ground and refusing to meet your pleading gaze. Moments later, she was gone.

Silence permeated the apartment. Then, “She won’t be returning.”

You knew better than to question your husband’s wishes so you nodded, throat dry. Your husband let out a harsh laugh at your obedience, before dropping his briefcase by the front door. Without so much as another word, he strode down the corridor leading to his office, the sound of a door slamming ringing through the same passageway moments later. The silence afterwards was even worse than your husband’s wrath, the emotions of the past few seconds catching up to you once again and settling upon you like an unwanted blanket.

That was the last time you saw your friend.

Now

You can't remember the first time you feel as though you are being watched. It might have to do with the first time you see him, as after your first encounter you never consciously feel safe again.

The days following your husband's death seem to pass by in a blur, and sometime during them he appears, slowly forcing himself into every aspect of your life until he is a constant fixture you can no longer ignore.

The first time you see him is during your husband’s funeral. The sky is a somber grey, as if it can sense your mood, and an icy wind nips at anything within its grasp. It is the beginning of winter, and the cold is sharp, chilling you to the bone despite the numerous layers you have on. The funeral is brief, more of a formality than anything. Strangers give you their condolences, and it only serves to remind you of how little you truly know about your husband.

It is when the casket is being lowered into the ground that you see him, standing among the group of mourners.

He is huddled in the center of the group, head bowed. Something about his presence draws you to him, and you don’t realize you’re staring until he looks up, making direct eye contact with you. You quickly look away, face burning with shame. Imagine how it must look, you mentally chide yourself, the wife of a dead man checking out another at his funeral.

You chuckle, the sound empty and devoid of any humor. Luckily for you, at that moment, the casket is finished being lowered. The priest in charge of the funeral’s addresses hands you a shovel, effectively drawing your attention away from the mystery man. As you send shovel after shovel full of dirt flying onto the casket, he is effectively pushed further and further away from your mind.

It is not until after the procession is over, guests beginning to head back to their cars that he approaches you. You have just thanked the priest for his words, turning to walk back to your car when you let out a gasp.

He is standing right in front of you, broad frame seeming imposing against your smaller one. He cocks his head to the side, holding out one hand for you to shake.

“Hello love,” the man’s voice is silky, and he grasps your hand firmly. Even though it is a simple handshake, the contact sends a shiver down your spine. The man stares at you, his expression unreadable, and you have the sinking feeling that he knows the effect he has on you. “I’m Jungkook.”

“Y/N,” you say similarly, albeit a bit hesitant. He feels familiar, the subtlety of his features causing your memory to tingle, an identification of who he is just outside of your grasp. You assume he is just another one of your husband’s associates, shoving away the niggling feeling to give Jungkook a polite smile, hoping he picks up that to you, the conversation is over.

He does, because he steps to the side, allowing you to pass. As you hurry to your car, the skin on the back of your neck prickles, the feeling of someone watching you causing your hair to stand on end. When you look back, however, Jungkook is gone.

From the funeral, the feeling of being watched follows you everywhere. Coincidentally, so does Jungkook.

You run into him at the store, the park, even the lobby of your apartment complex, since it turns out he is a resident who recently moved in. Each time, he gives you a charming but guarded smile, attempting to strike up a conversation with you. Each time, you give short, uninterested responses, something about Jungkook’s presence causing you unease.

A month after the funeral, you are woken up in the dead of night by a pounding on your apartment door. Heart racing, you jolt away to the sound, fumbling in the dark for your phone. Squinting to read the harsh digital light, you manage to make out that it is three am.

Swearing at the heathen who dares interrupt your sleep, you throw off the covers of your bed, swinging your legs onto the floor and using your phone light to navigate the dark hallway.

By the time you finally reach your front door, the pounding has stopped. Annoyed, you unbolt the lock and yank open the wood, ready to give whoever it is a piece of your mind.

The hallway is empty.

The mysterious incident sets you on guard, only serving to increase your paranoia. Several nights later, you hear it again, only this time you swear you hear something else, too.

A voice, calling your name.

“Y/N,” it says sweetly, almost crooning. Even though you are locked in your room and buried beneath the security of a multitude of blankets, the voice manages to reach your ears, sickeningly sweet. “Come out, sweetheart.”

You spend the night huddling in your bed in fear, praying for the noises to go away. You are surprised your neighbors haven’t filed a noise complaint about it by now since they’ve complained over lesser, you think, a thought that dryly amuses you.

Much to your chagrin, the noise continues for the next few nights. Each time you stay huddled in your bed, irrationally hoping that the blankets around you will protect you from whatever it is outside your door.

During the day, you don’t fare much better. You swear you are beginning to lose your mind. You find keys moved, doors left ajar. The fear you feel of being watched only increases.

The last straw that breaks the camel’s back comes when you finally seek out your landlord, demanding to see the security cameras.

“Y/N,” the landlord glances from out of the corner of his eyes at you worriedly as he slots the keys to the security room into the lock. He pushes open the door, gesturing for you to enter first. “I know things have been… stressful for you lately.”

He pauses, flipping on the light switch and illuminating a set of monitors. “Are you sure that someone has been…” He trails off, struggling to repeat what you had told him earlier. “Knocking on your door at three am?”

You glare at the man, and he gulps, effectively silencing himself and preceding to busy himself with the monitors. Hell hath no fury a woman scorned, and you are tired of the constant paranoia that has settled deep in your bones. An uncomfortable silence settles upon you, and you stare unnervingly at your landlord, too sleep deprived and furious to be aware of your rude actions.

“Ah, here it is,” the landlord flashes you a weak smile, pushing a monitor towards you. He clicks his mouse a few times, and footage displaying the hallway outside of your apartment begins to play.

You stare intently at the screen, watching the numbers signaling the time in the corner slowly tick away until finally they reach three am. You hold your breath, and see

Nothing.

Your mouth drops open in shock, and you whirl on your landlord. “Did you tamper with the footage?”

If possible, your landlord looks even more nervous, and he gulps. "I haven’t been in here in the past few days.”

“Try another night,” you demand, desperation welling inside you.

Obediently, he speeds up the tape until it is the following day. And, like in the previous footage, as the clock hits three, the hallway is deserted.

Silence permeates the room.

“Y/N,” the landlord lets out a sympathetic sound, and you don’t realize you have begun to cry until a tear splatters on your shirt. “I think it’s best if you just go back to your apartment.”

Embarrassed and frustrated, you nod, storming out of the room...

And right into Jungkook. Your chin collides with his chest, and you reel backwards, angrily swiping at your tears. The aforementioned individual stares at you, concern lacing his gaze.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” you mutter angrily. “Just let me pass.”

Jungkook wordlessly steps to the side, and you quickly hurry past him, now mortified more than anything.

What you didn’t know was that you had just made two, fatal mistakes.

If you had looked into his eyes, you would’ve seen the gleam of delight in his orbs.

If you had turned around, you would have seen the way he smiled.

The footage replaying in your mind, you finally seek out a therapist and book an appointment for the following day. You don’t fall asleep that night, body tense in terror and dread exponentially filling you as the clock ticks closer to three. The knocking, however, never comes, and sometime around the rise of the sun this realization sinks upon you.

You barely make it to your session that day, state in disarray. The many nights of sleeplessness and terror are catching up to you, and you drag your feet down the street, fatigue crashing down upon you.

Somehow, you manage to locate the therapist’s office and scribble down all of your personal information on the clipboard that the receptionist hands you as you enter. You sit in the waiting room, legs bouncing anxiously.

“Y/N?”

You look up as the door opposite you opens and a kind looking man stares down at you.

“Hi, that’s me,” you say, standing and striding over to him. He takes in your worn appearance, eyes kind and compassionate.

“I’m Dr. Kim, but please, call me Taehyung.”

He leads you to a small room just off the main corridor. Several closed doors line the passageway, and at your curious glance Taehyung explains that they are the offices of his coworkers.

His office is small but cozy, a desk on one side and a couch on the other. Bookshelves line the far wall, and a lamp next to the couch gives the room a soft glow. He gestures in the direction of the couch, pulling a chair from his desk over as you sit stiffly.

“Would you like to tell me why you’re here today, Y/N?” Taehyung asks, steepling his fingers on top of his lap and the papers lying there. Your gaze flickers down to the top paper, the sheet you know you had scribbled information on earlier, and he smiles. “I know you already answered that in the pre-screening questions, but I just wanted to ask you instead. It’s always different when someone says it I find.”

Taehyung flashes you a reassuring smile, and you take a deep. With the landlord’s footage playing in your head, you finally manage to open your mouth and say, “I haven’t been able to sleep well lately.” Taehyung nods, as if this is a normal thing, and you push on. “I keep waking up in the middle of the night to this pounding on my door.”

“A pounding?” Taehyung frowns, and the expression sends dread plummeting to your gut.

“I went to the landlord about it,” you say quickly. “But when he showed me the security footage, there was no one there. I swear I’m not crazy, though. It’s almost as if…”

You trail off, forcing your jaw shut before you suggest something crazy.

“It’s okay, Y/N,” Taehyung says soothingly. “You’re in a safe place.”

You nod, closing your eyes and attempting to calm your breathing. When you open them, Taehyung is staring at you worriedly.

“Almost as if what, Y/N?” Taehyung gives you another encouraging look. “It’s okay.”

“Almost as if…” You take a deep breath. “As if I’m being haunted by a monster.”

“Monsters?” Much to his credit, Taehyung doesn’t sound mocking at your confession. You nod, throat dry, and he leans forward. “Monsters aren’t real, Y/N.”

“I know that,” you say, your words ending up in an almost whisper. “I just…”

“You wrote that your husband passed away recently, did he not?” Taehyung asks, and you are grateful for the subject change, even if it is to another depressing topic. You nod, and Taehyung continues. “Grief is powerful, and manifests itself differently in everyone. I think that this is just your grief trying to find an outlet.”

“I don’t — ” You protest, but Taehyung quickly holds up a hand to silence you.

“I know it might not seem that way, but trust me, there are no monsters, Y/N.”

You nod slowly, and Taehyung smiles. This time, it’s sharp and sends a shiver down your spine. A dark look passes over Taehyung’s expressions briefly, so briefly you wonder if you imagined it, and then he smiles once again, this one the same, gentle one as before.

“I’ll write you a prescription that should help you sleep.”

“But, Taehyung, that’s not the problem — ”

Taehyung hums, already turning away, and your protests fall on deaf ears.

You end up leaving the session several hundreds of dollars lighter, one prescription heavier, and the worries pressing down upon you still prominent within you.

That evening, when you return to your apartment complex you see Jungkook in your apartment lobby. You had stopped for groceries on the way home, and you are carrying two large paper bags, each one nestled in the crook of your arm.

Jungkook is standing by the elevators. He turns at the sound of you, lip quirked at the sight of you struggling to carry two bags.

“Do you want some help with that?” He asks lightly, brow creasing in concern.

“No, I’m fine,” you reply, your usual answer whenever he asks if he can help. This time, he purses his lips, and you feel a pang of guilt. You think about your therapist’s words, that the sinking sensation you have around him is probably just guilt, and shove down the feeling before saying, “Actually, if you could, that would be great.”

Jungkook beams, taking one of the bags from its precarious grip against you. Moments later, the elevator dings, and the doors slide open. He motions for you to step inside first before following you, pressing the number for your floor. You open your mouth to ask how he knows your floor, but you quickly close it, the therapist’s words ringing in your head. Coincidence, you think.

The ride is silent, the only sound the occasional shuffling as you adjust your grasp on the bag. You find the silence uncomfortable no matter how much you try to convince yourself of your delusion, the sound of the elevator signaling your floor causing you to exhale in relief.

You are the first one off, leading Jungkook to your apartment door. You fumble with your key, shoving it unceremoniously inside the lock and pushing open the door with your hip. You flip on the lights, already heading in the direction of the kitchen before the lights have even fully powered on.

“You can set the groceries down here,” you nod your head in the direction of the counter, setting the groceries down there yourself. Jungkook does the same.

After setting the groceries down, you expect Jungkook to leave but instead he stands, observing you. Unease twists once more in your stomach, and the fact that you two are alone, together, in your home sinks down upon you.

“Thank you for your help,” you say in what you hope is a clear dismissal. Jungkook doesn’t move, continuing to stare at you unflinchingly. You subconsciously step back.

Jungkook steps forward.

“What are you — ”

“Do you not remember me?” Jungkook tilts his head to the side, question innocent but voice laced with venom. You swallow, your throat dry, and take another step backwards.

“Uh, no? I’m sorry, you were one of my husband’s associates, right?”

Jungkook scoffs, and in that moment his stance reminds you of a predator. He prowls forward, matching each step you take backward.

“You know who I am, Y/N L/N,” he sneers.

“I don’t — ”

“Yes, you do!” Jungkook spits angrily, slamming his hand into the counter, the loud sound causing you to jump. He cocks his head to the side, eyes twinkling in a mischievous way that has fear coating the inside of your stomach.

“Curiosity killed the cat, didn’t it, Y/N?”

To anyone else, the statement may seem harmless, a well known idiom used to caution the overcurious mind. To you, they tear at your memories. You gasp as one particular memory flies to the forefront of your mind.

Then

You gently pushed open the already ajar door of your husband’s office, looking around the room for your husband. You had just finished making dinner and were ready for him to come to the dining room so you two could eat, but he was nowhere to be seen. On his desk, you spotted the tray you had left him for lunch.

You hesitated on the room’s threshold, your husband’s warnings to never step foot in his office ringing in your ears. After a brief mental war with yourself, you finally slipped inside, quickly and silently heading in the direction of his desk.

You picked up the tray, and before you could look away papers resting beneath the tray caught your attention.

“Oh my god — ”

You let out a gasp, the tray slipping from your grasp and crashing to the floor, the sound deafening in the still silence. Face up on your husband’s desk, beneath the tray, was a photograph of a young man. His face and body had been badly mutilated, and the sight made you sick.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

You forced yourself to tear your eyes away from the photo, instead meeting your husband’s steely gaze. The body was pushed to the back of your mind, your heart beginning to race for an entirely different reason.

“I saw the door ajar and just wanted to get your lunch tray,” you stammered, cowering beneath his gaze.

He’s silent, staring at you unnervingly before, “Get out.”

You were all too eager to obey, quickly scrambling in the direction of the door. The entire way you felt your husband’s burning gaze, and you had just passed him when his hand shot out, gripping your arm painfully tight. He leaned down, his lips hovering above your ear and sending shivers down your spine.

“Curiosity killed the cat, Y/N,” he says, words causing your heart to feel as though it has stopped and your stomach to drop out from beneath you. “Be careful of where you look, or else you’ll end up like him.”

You ate dinner alone that night.

Now

“Oh my god.”

You barely register as your legs give out beneath you, weak beneath Jungkook’s menacing gaze as the missing piece to Jungkook’s identification that had been nagging at you ever since you had first seen him finally clicks into place.

Before you had suppressed it, you had wondered why your husband had that picture on his desk. Now, everything clicks.

Your husband had been responsible for Jungkook’s death.

You had never been a violent person, and the sheer gore that you had seen from the photographs had caused you to repress that memory. Now, it is vivid and fresh in your mind, and you shake your head furiously as if that will cause the memory to dissipate.

“It’s not my fault,” you insist, staring into Jungkook’s burning gaze pleadingly. “I’m sorry for my husband’s actions, but — ”

“Shut up,” Jungkook hisses, and suddenly he is in front of you, hand against your windpipe. Your breath hitches in fear, and you swear you see a gleam of satisfaction deep within his dark orbs. “You could’ve done something to stop him.”

“I didn’t know what he was up to, I promise,” you sob, vision blurring with tears. Jungkook coos at the sight, gently stroking the bottom of your chin with his thumb. His touch feels as though it burns against your skin, and you flinch.

“Shh, baby.” Jungkook leans forward until his mouth is against your ear. The moment feels strangely intimate, and his breath sends shivers down your spine, just serving to heighten your fear. Every muscle within your body is tense.

“Your therapist was wrong about me, you know,” Jungkook chuckles, the sound sending warning bells signaling throughout your head. “Monsters do exist.”

His hand suddenly tightens, and you choke as your air supply begins to dwindle. The world around you begins to spin, and as everything fades into darkness you hear Jungkook’s voice one more time.

“I can’t wait to break you.”

You gasp awake, heart pounding. You sit up in bed, taking deep breaths in an attempt to calm yourself. As you piece together the details from your nightmare, your hands quickly fly to your throat, gently pressing against it where Jungkook’s hands were. You wince, and you quickly shove your covers aside, flipping on your bedside lamp and stumbling into your bathroom.

When you flip on the switch, you are greeted by a ring of purple and grey bruises around your throat. Your eyes widen in horror as the realization that it wasn’t a nightmare crashes down upon you.

And that’s when you hear it.

The pounding on the door.

#monsters #bangtanarmynet #btscreatorscorner #jeon jungkook #bts jungkook #bts jeon jungkook #jungguk #bts jungguk #jungkook x reader #bts jungkook x reader #horror #angst #bts horror #bts angst #bts demon au #bts au

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thisaliennerd · 4 years ago

Note

can you please elaborate on why you think kurt is the toxic abusive one in the klaine relationship? maybe i’m biased but i don’t see it.

Yes, I absolutely can, thank you for asking! I’ll start with the basic points and then I’ll elaborate with examples under the cut in case y’all don’t feel like reading an actual essay today. (I’ve also put the link to the google doc in my linktree in my bio which might be a more accessible way to read this as it is a 25 page essay)

Kurt takes every opportunity to tear Blaine down and takes advantage of Blaine’s compulsive need to help/build up the people he loves, to ensure that he has as much power over Blaine as possible

He refuses to talk about problems in the relationship (of which there are many) when they arise, sometimes actively shutting Blaine down when he tries to talk about it, but gets angry when the problems worsen, accuses Blaine of pulling away, and puts the emotional burden on him

He refuses to acknowledge his own fault in ANYTHING, both in his relationship with Blaine and in his other relationships

When they aren’t together, Kurt drags Blaine along, sabotages and undermines Blaine’s relationships, and refuses to allow him to move on, all while actively pursuing other relationships himself, ensuring that Blaine is always there as a fallback plan

He is INCREDIBLY jealous, even before he had any reason to think that Blaine would cheat, despite Blaine repeatedly shutting down people’s (read: Sebastian’s) advances, and Kurt frequently flirting with and playing into people flirting him while dating Blaine

He says he loves Blaine, but he also implies that if anyone else came along that could make him feel the same way, he would leave

He is rarely supportive of Blaine in general, especially if he isn’t doing something that could potentially help Kurt, in contrast to Blaine being pretty relentlessly supportive of Kurt in everything he does

He holds the things that Blaine’s done wrong in their relationship over his head, even after claiming to forgive him

He’s just pretty selfish and narcissistic in general

So, let’s go deeper into it, these are complicated and nuanced issues, and I’m sure you need more evidence than just some bullet points, especially for such a popular ship.

Power Dynamics

Let’s start by analyzing the power dynamics between Blaine and Kurt throughout the show and how it affects their relationship. When we meet Blaine in season 2 episode 6, Kurt is in an incredibly vulnerable place, dealing with intense bullying and homophobia at school. Blaine, despite only being (presumably) fifteen and a sophomore, is astoundingly poised and confident. This is where we see Blaine at his happiest. He seems very sure of himself, and this stands in stark contrast to Kurt. Upon seeing this in Kurt, Blaine quickly opens up, sharing that he had a similar experience not too long ago. He gives Kurt advice, encouraging him not to give up and to have courage, building Kurt up. He even comes to McKinley, seemingly during school hours, to confront Karofsky with Kurt. Throughout this, he is calm, comforting, and continues to build Kurt up as best he can. This behavior continues from Blaine as the season continues. Once Kurt transfers to Dalton, Blaine is in a minor position of power as the lead singer of the Warblers, however, he routinely uses this power to keep building Kurt up. He laughs at Kurt’s jokes (s2e9), gives him advice on how to integrate into the new environment (s2e9), and even gets him a lead in a song for Regionals (s2e16). However, when Kurt transfers to Dalton, we begin to see a different side of him. He becomes exceptionally bitter and jealous of Blaine. We see him getting upset over Blaine getting solos in multiple episodes (s2e9, s2e16), despite how kind and accommodating Blaine has been. He openly criticizes Blaine’s performances, saying that they’re all the same (s2e16), and this marks the first example of Kurt tearing Blaine down. Blaine gives up the opportunity for another solo and risks his position by standing up to the Warblers and telling them he wants to sing a duet with Kurt (s2e16). Kurt is also very dismissive of Blaine’s identity struggles. The first and most notable example of this being in season 2 episode 14. Blaine questions whether he might be bisexual and Kurt is not only biphobic but also dismisses Blaine’s crisis. He tries to dictate Blaine’s identity and is passive-aggressive and bitter for the rest of the episode. We get several more examples of this early in season 3.

In season 3 episode 1, Kurt pressures Blaine to transfer to McKinley, even saying that he was being passive-aggressive, something we’ll see Kurt do often in arguments going forward. Although he maintains a playful tone of voice, it’s very clear that he isn’t joking. Blaine expresses concerns about leaving his friends, and Kurt implies that he isn’t sure that their new relationship can survive if he doesn’t come to WMHS, stopping just shy of actually putting the ultimatum out there, but certainly implying it. Blaine decides to transfer, a move that not only screams codependency but also further brings Blaine down. Kurt is back in his element, he’s a senior, this is his school, whereas Blaine is now a newbie as a junior, abandoning his role as lead of the Warblers for Kurt. And although Blaine initially claims that he came for him, it’s obvious that that isn’t the case, and Blaine confirms that he did it for Kurt later (s4e3, s4e7). In episode 2, Kurt works to further limit Blaine by convincing him not to audition for Tony. Here we see an example of Kurt’s manipulation. He never explicitly tells Blaine not to audition, but just makes passive-aggressive comments until Blaine decides not to audition, asserting his power over him. Again, Blaine is giving up opportunities in order to maintain his relationship with Kurt. Blaine even hesitates to read for Tony when directly asked, because he’s worried about how Kurt will react. And sure enough, Kurt is visibly upset when Blaine’s asked, and while it’s reasonable that he would be disappointed, he shouldn’t have put that on Blaine at all. We see the culmination of this little storyline at the beginning of episode 3, and on first watch, this seems like a sweet scene. Kurt congratulates Blaine for getting Tony, gives him flowers, and says he’s proud of him. However, it’s in Blaine’s reaction that we see the problem. He says, “You always zig when I think you’re about to zag, and I love that about you,” and again, this almost seems sweet, but the undertones of that comment are that Blaine didn’t think that Kurt would be supportive. He was genuinely worried that his boyfriend wouldn’t support him getting the lead in the musical. We see that throughout season 3, Blaine struggles in the New Directions. He tries to fit in, but the group is immediately antagonistic towards him, refusing to listen to his ideas. Kurt says nothing about this, even when it comes from Finn. He doesn’t call them out, he doesn’t even comfort Blaine about it. They spend most of this season pretty equal, but this isn’t enough for Kurt, as he gets his NYADA audition and begins to rise in status, he also continues to tear down Blaine. Flashing forward to episode 17, we see a lot of issues come to the surface here, which will come back later, but we also see more of Kurt tearing down Blaine. Kurt says that it’s hard being Blaine’s boyfriend because he’s “an Alpha gay”. He complains that he doesn’t get solos, implying that it’s Blaine’s fault, even blatantly lying by saying that he used to get solos every week. He manipulates Blaine, putting the fault on him, refusing to apologize for his actions, only apologizing for how it made Blaine feel. Eventually, Blaine is the one forced to apologize. This conversation is especially interesting in comparison to their conversation in season 5 episode 16, but we’ll come back to that. First, let’s talk about season 4.

In season 4 episode 1, their power dynamic has shifted yet again, Kurt got rejected from NYADA and Blaine was a senior and lead singer again. Kurt is clearly uncomfortable with this, but Blaine just continues to lift up Kurt. He tells him to New York and gives Kurt the confidence he needs to follow his dreams. Here’s where their relationship begins to fall apart. Now that Kurt is in New York, he immediately encounters success at Vogue, and as soon as he does, he pulls away from Blaine. He is now way above Blaine, and Kurt doesn’t need him anymore. He feels like Blaine is only limiting him. He prioritizes his success and career over Blaine, which is of course, fine when he does it, but not fine when Blaine does it. He actively ignores Blaine, not just to do his work, but also just to gossip and chat with his coworkers (s4e3), even when he knew that it was an important night for Blaine. He minimizes Blaine’s concerns and successes, talking over him and constantly pivoting the conversation back to himself (s4e3). Then, of course, comes the breakup in episode 4. Blaine explains that he did what he did because he felt that Kurt was moving on. Now of course this doesn’t justify what Blaine did, but throughout all the conversations about this incident, Kurt never acknowledges that he had any part in what happened, again putting one hundred percent of the burden on Blaine (s4e4). This continues throughout the season. Blaine constantly has to apologize, but Kurt never has to, because everything wrong with the relationship prior to Blaine cheating gets ignored. The breakup destroys Blaine’s self-esteem, and it becomes very evident that Blaine doesn't know who he is without Kurt. Kurt has successfully taken a very confident young man, made him dependent on him, and then not only left him but ghosted him (s4e8), completely wrecking him. He purposely didn’t forgive Blaine to hurt him (s4e8). It's Blaine’s senior year, he's finally made it back to where he was in season 2, and now he's not even able to play the lead in the musical. Blaine has hit rock bottom, and just as he starts to recover, getting a crush on Sam, becoming closer with Tina, gaining some self-respect and confidence back, Kurt reenters Blaine’s life. We’ll talk about this more later, but Kurt decides to lead Blaine on, keeping him dependent on Kurt, not allowing him to move on (s4e8, s4e14). For example, he calls Blaine right before he’s about to perform at sectionals only to remind him that he still hasn’t forgiven him, and tells him that they can see each other at Christmas, even though he decides not to go back for Christmas not two episodes later (s4e8, s4e10). Then he hooks up with Blaine at Will’s wedding, even though he doesn’t want to get back together and he knows how Blaine feels about him (s4e14). This continues for the rest of the season. At this point, Kurt holds all the power over Blaine. He is not only successful in the outside world, working at Vogue and going to NYADA, but he has also destroyed Blaine’s self-confidence and ensured that Blaine is dependent on Kurt. On to season 5.

In season 5 episode 1, we get the reunion. This scene is another scene like the Lima Bean scene in season 3. It seems cute and romantic, Kurt plays it in a playful way, but in a closer analysis, it becomes more insidious. Blaine begs Kurt to get back with him, and he talks about how they’ve effectively been dating for weeks. At the end of the scene, Kurt reveals that he intended to say yes the whole time, as he had prepared a song, but before he says yes, he puts Blaine through some more manipulative games. Kurt keeps his voice light, but Blaine is very earnest, clearly taking it to heart. Blaine asks Kurt to be his boyfriend again, and Kurt says he doesn’t think it’ll work, because last time, Blaine cheated. Blaine gets very upset, saying that they’ve been over this and that he’ll “never ever cheat on [Kurt] again”. Kurt says that he wants Blaine to sign a contract, and Blaine says that he’ll sign anything as long as Kurt will get back together with him. These lines are interesting because Kurt sounds like he’s joking, but Blaine absolutely doesn’t. He is so desperate to get Kurt back, and Kurt, who again, has already decided to get back with Blaine, is dragging this out and holding the cheating over Blaine’s head. But Kurt still doesn’t let it go. He says that he’s not even sure if relationships work, requiring Blaine to keep begging. Finally, he agrees to get back together, but it’s clear in this scene that Kurt enjoys having this power over Blaine, and he likes making Blaine beg for forgiveness. He made him do so for the entirety of season 4. I’ll talk more about the proposal later, but here I would like to point out that the use of All You Need is Love is interesting, because there is much more to a functional relationship, but generally, these two seem to ignore this because they love each other. They spend the first half of season 5 separate and don’t interact often, however, when they do talk, it is still clear that Kurt, as an adult out in the world, holds supremacy over Blaine, and when they do talk, Kurt often belittles Blaine’s high school problems in favor of talking about his own, insulting Blaine and then pivoting the conversation to him as soon as he can (s5e7). In fact, Kurt is so unsupportive that Blaine has to make a puppet version of him just to get validation and forgiveness (s5e7). We even see Kurt controlling what Blaine wears multiple times (s5e6, s5e14). Blaine has been built up more from season 4, but this is only because he’s back with Kurt, again reinforcing his dependence on Kurt. The next major conflict in their relationship comes in episode 14. Blaine has just moved to New York and in with Kurt. Their new power dynamic is solidifying. Blaine is adjusting to a big change, and he's struggling with it. He's trying his best to be with Kurt in this new environment, but he’s not sure how to handle it. He’s intimidated by how sure of himself Kurt is and just wants to find a place for himself in Kurt’s life. His solution is to try and do things for Kurt. It worked in high school, but here, it only pushes Kurt away further. Kurt feels suffocated by Blaine, but he openly lies to Blaine about it, refusing to address it until it reaches a boiling point (which he does often). Desperate, Blaine tries to carve out a place in the apartment for himself, but Kurt hates this. He becomes aggressive, claiming that the apartment is his, and not theirs and that Blaine shouldn’t be making changes. At the end of the episode, Blaine is the one who suggests the solution of him moving out, pointing out that they never had a conversation about him moving in in the first place. During this conversation, Blaine is very earnest again, constantly reassuring Kurt that he doesn’t want to break up, and is physically very intense, trying to make eye contact, moving to connect with Kurt, and initiating a hug, while Kurt feels completely detached, avoiding eye contact, keeping his voice monotone, and looking pretty disinterested. Sidenote: In this episode, Kurt also demands that Blaine ask Sam to move out even though he’s the one who wants him gone in the first place.

But the most compelling evidence comes in episode 16. Blaine has been in the city for a little while now but is still struggling to find himself. He’s started gaining some weight from comfort eating and he’s insecure about it. In this episode, the textual focus is actually on the change in their power dynamic, so here is where it’s most obvious. Blaine feels uncomfortable with Kurt being hit on by other men, but it’s shown that Kurt isn’t shutting these advances down at all. Blaine feels distinctly inferior to Kurt, and it’s fueling his insecurities. Kurt notices that Blaine’s insecure, but decides not to talk to him about it. Instead, he repeatedly comments on the food that Blaine’s eating, reinforcing Blaine’s insecurities about his weight, and tearing Blaine down further. There’s also an interesting scene in this episode where Kurt, Blaine, Artie, and Sam are all out getting dinner together, and Sam asks about a free clinic to get tested for STDs. Kurt answers and then throws in a comment about the time Blaine cheated. This visibly upsets Blaine, but he also seems annoyed by the comment. It’s wholly unnecessary and doesn’t add anything to the conversation, all it does is make Blaine feel bad. This is the second time this season we’ve seen Kurt bring this up for no reason and the casualness of the comment coupled with Blaine’s reaction implies that this may be something he brings up frequently. At this point, Blaine has again been brought low, the confidence he had temporarily built backup is gone because it was all based on Kurt. Kurt is at least somewhat aware of this but still doesn’t talk to Blaine about it. He halfheartedly reassures Blaine about his body (a surface symptom of the deeper problem) in between comments about his food, even convincing Blaine not to eat the (perfectly reasonable) food he made in favor of a salad. Then, he discovers a porn website on Blaine’s computer. He becomes very upset and angry about this, while Blaine is visibly uncomfortable. Kurt verbally says that Blaine can do whatever he wants on his own computer but gets increasingly angry. He yells at Blaine about how they haven’t had sex in a week but doesn’t question why, he just storms out. In the next scene they have together, Blaine enters their stage combat class, where Kurt already is, late. This already puts Kurt in higher standing within his environment. Blaine is angry and asks Kurt why he didn’t tell him that he didn’t want to walk to class together. Kurt is dismissive and says he just forgot, but his tone and body language doesn’t support this. Blaine asks if Kurt is still upset about the website, and Kurt says no, but his tone is still angry and dismissive. Blaine then suggests that they should talk about the fight, but Kurt shuts it down, saying, “You know, Blaine, sometimes I think we talk too much”. They start fencing, and Kurt, who knows that Blaine’s been struggling in this class, both with the content and with making friends, publicly embarrasses him in front of the whole class. Later, they finally have a conversation, but again, this is only happening after their problems reach a boiling point. Kurt comes home and asks Blaine what happened in combat class, saying “you were really coming at me,” not acknowledging that he too, was aggressive in his fighting, and being very confrontational (including closed-off body language). Blaine reveals that he feels like he has to prove himself. He feels like he’s falling behind Kurt and is unable to support and protect him, which had previously been an important aspect of their relationship all the way until Blaine moved to New York. Kurt is immediately unreceptive and angry. He says that Blaine shouldn’t want to be superior to Kurt and that they should want to be equals. Blaine quickly apologizes, feeling even worse about himself, but Blaine never says that he wants to be superior, just that he feels so far behind Kurt, and as we’ve established, Kurt has been systematically tearing Blaine down for years. Blaine tells Kurt that he feels terrible about himself and his body and feels like Kurt is going to judge him. Kurt claims that he would never judge Blaine, but again, had been making comments about the amount and type of food Blaine was eating. Blaine then says that he’s afraid that if he can’t do things for Kurt, Kurt will outgrow him, and once he no longer needs him, will stop loving him. This isn’t an unreasonable fear, as this is similar to what had happened when Kurt first moved to New York, but this also expresses a deeper fear of Blaine’s that can be traced back to his childhood. As shown in season 3 episode 15, Blaine had a very bad relationship with his older brother, Cooper. Cooper is shown as very selfish, always needing Blaine to be doing things for him and making every conversation about him. This not only mirrors a lot of Kurt’s behavior but also explains why Blaine feels he will be abandoned if he can’t do things for people. It’s already happened to him. Kurt says that he would never leave Blaine, which also proves to be false in season 6, but he also says that Blaine needs to tell him when he feels this way. However, Blaine tried twice, in the porn fight scene and in the stage combat scene, to talk about it, and Kurt shut it down both times. Again, Kurt is putting all the emotional burden on Blaine, deflecting his own fault, and gaslighting Blaine about previous events. Finally, they make up, but in the final scene, Blaine seems to have developed an eating disorder, and Kurt says that they have decided to eat out less often and work out more, but Kurt was already doing those things. Another example of Kurt trying to control what Blaine eats.

Moving on to the rest of season 5, in episode 18, Kurt invites Blaine to perform with him for June Dolloway. Blaine kills his performance and June asks only him to be her project. Suddenly, their dynamic has shifted again. This is a major success for Blaine, and Kurt’s been stalling recently. Blaine now has a lot more power and we see a glimpse of the old Blaine return when he performs for and with June. However, Kurt doesn’t react well to this throughout Blaine’s time with June. Immediately once Blaine gets picked, Blaine feels guilty about it, almost turning it down. Kurts assures him that it’s fine, but qualifies it by saying that it’ll be good for both of them, even saying it’s “[their] careers” instead of Blaine’s career. Later in the episode, Blaine and Kurt are finally having time together after Blaine has been spending a lot of time with June, Kurt says, “I’m upset with you,” and Blaine immediately looks terrified. He freezes, tenses, and panics. He’s walking on eggshells around Kurt, and no one should ever be scared of their partner. As with the flowers scene in season 3, Blaine is genuinely worried that Kurt will be upset about him taking an opportunity because Kurt wanted it for himself. Kurt is generally only supportive when it’s potentially beneficial to him. Blaine is so worried about upsetting Kurt that he decides to lie to him and tell him that he’s in the showcase June is organizing for Blaine. In episode 19, Blaine gives up a big opportunity with June to go to Kurt’s show, and then the storyline finishes in episode 20. Blaine fails to convince June to let Kurt into the showcase and is forced to confess to Kurt. Blaine attempts to explain the situation, but Kurt says he can’t trust Blaine or anything he says, and then reacts physically, throwing a bag of food onto the floor. Blaine jumps to his feet, apologizing and explaining that he didn’t know what else to do because he was scared of hurting Kurt’s feelings, but Kurt just storms out. Now, of course, Blaine shouldn’t have lied, but only a few episodes earlier in episode 14, Kurt lied about Blaine not crowding him so as not to hurt his feelings. Kurt does similar things all the time, but Blaine has to suffer for it. Later in episode 20, Kurt and Blaine talk again. Blaine, visibly upset, says that he doesn’t want to do the showcase because Kurt is more important to him, implying that he thinks he has to give up a major opportunity for his career for Kurt. Kurt responds by coming up with a confusing metaphor, waxing poetic at Blaine (sarcasm and figures of speech are something that Blaine already struggles to understand throughout the show), dragging it out, and making it sound very bad, so Blaine keeps apologizing. Then Kurt finally stops him. He says he understands what happened, and even, for the first time, takes some responsibility. He acknowledges that the way he was acting would have led Blaine to believe that lying was the only option. This is Kurt’s best reaction to a fight across the show, but it shouldn’t have gotten here. And because, yet again, Kurt pushed Blaine until he snapped and messed up, Kurt is the one with the power. He’s the one to forgive, and Blaine is the one who has to relentlessly apologize and then thank Kurt when he forgives him. And sure enough, because Blaine is so dependent on Kurt, he is incredibly relieved when Kurt forgives him, and thanks him repeatedly. He’s very physical here too, hugging Kurt, but Kurt is, again, very closed off, not very receptive. Blaine, again suggests that he won’t do the showcase without Kurt, and although Kurt does tell him to do it, it’s insane that this is even a question in Blaine’s mind. Plus the whole “I’m the luckiest guy in the world,” “Yeah pretty much,” interaction just rubs me the wrong way. In the end, Blaine risks his partnership with June to sing with Kurt anyway, which again, he shouldn’t have had to do. Every time Blaine is more successful, he tries to lift Kurt up to his level, even when it’s risky for him, but Kurt constantly tears Blaine down, even when he’s in a better position. Finally (for this point), let’s talk about the trainwreck that is season 6.

Season 6 is a lot more complex when it comes to power dynamics specifically. At the beginning of episode 1, they've broken up, and it’s had a profound effect on Blaine. He got very depressed, which makes sense, because he’s become so reliant on Kurt, got cut from NYADA, had to move back to Lima, and he wasn’t even able to play music for a while. He still seems to be struggling emotionally, while Kurt is in New York at NYADA, and initially, in the episode, it seems like Kurt is doing well. However, when Kurt comes back to Lima this shifts again. Kurt wants to get back together with Blaine, but Blaine is dating someone else, Dave Karofsky, and seems fairly happy in this new relationship. And because the focus of their arc this season is their journey to get back together, at this point, Blaine holds more power. It doesn’t matter that Kurt is in a better place in his life and career, because not only is that not the focus, but Kurt is now also in Lima. Blaine has begun the process to move on from Kurt, and this has happened once previously in their relationship, back in season 4, and just like in season 4, right as Blaine begins to move on, Kurt decides to reenter his life. Of course, the difference here is that Kurt hasn’t attempted to move on like he did in season 4. His sole purpose is to get Blaine back, and this actually gives Blaine more power because Kurt is openly pursuing him, instead of subtly leading him on. But before we continue with season 6, let’s do a closer analysis of the breakup scene, because I think, like season 5 episode 16, it illustrates a lot of the problems in the relationship very clearly.

This scene is shown via flashback, and Kurt is the one having the flashback. This is interesting because it’s been established, at this point in the episode, that Blaine and Kurt have been broken up for months, and based on Kurt’s reaction to this memory, this is the first time Kurt has dealt with the breakup. We see he remembers this scene, starts crying, and then the next time we see him, he’s back in Lima to get Blaine back. So, the flashback begins with Blaine arriving at the restaurant, it’s raining heavily. Kurt is already there, waiting for him. Blaine is very happy. He apologizes for being slightly late, explaining that it’s because of the rain and because he had stopped to check on a venue for their wedding. He seems very excited about this venue. The camera pans over and we see Kurt’s face for the first time. He looks annoyed, and he asks why he’s always the first to arrive. Blaine’s face falls a little but he explains again, repeating that he found a venue that’s available for their wedding, still excited about it. Kurt, again, doesn’t respond to this and just changes the subject to ordering food, annoyed. Blaine’s face changes, and he seems to register that Kurt isn’t going to respond positively to this step in the wedding planning. He says that he doesn’t want to fight, but he feels like he’s the one who’s been doing all the wedding planning. Kurt says nothing, just passive-aggressively puts down his menu, and stares at Blaine in an accusatory way. Blaine, very genuinely and earnestly, asks Kurt what’s wrong, actually begging Kurt to just talk to him, and asks him if he’s having second thoughts about the wedding. Kurt doesn’t flat out answer the question, instead, he says, “Have you noticed how exhausting it’s been ever since you moved back in?” The way the question is phrased puts the fault on Blaine in two ways. First, it asks him if he’s noticed that living together has been exhausting, instead of Kurt saying that he, personally, has been struggling. It frames it as an objective truth that Blaine has failed to notice. Secondly, Kurt says, “since you moved back in” putting the struggle to live together on Blaine. He doesn’t say, since we started living together again, or since we moved back in, he says, since you moved back in. This also has undertones that Blaine is an outsider in Kurt’s home. An invading force, rather than a partnership, and it implies that Kurt has made no progress in the weeks or months since season 5 episode 14 and that allowing Blaine to put in the office space was just a surface level change (s5e20). Kurt angrily brings up a fight that they had over him wiping his mouth off with a towel while there was toothpaste on his face. His tone indicates that he thinks that this is a stupid fight over nothing, but Blaine responds, “Well, how is someone else supposed to use it when you leave it like that”. This suggests that this genuinely matters to him, and not that he was picking a fight over nothing, as Kurt seems to think. Moreover, the way Blaine says it is a bit angry, which is a little unusual for him, and could indicate that Kurt often brushes off these things that bother Blaine. Kurt, getting increasingly angry, says that he thinks that they’re failing at living together. Blaine, also getting angry, says “Thank you for finally saying something truthful. Where's that guy been...you’ve been completely aloof and...totally remote and distant. It’s like I don’t even know you anymore”. These lines give a lot of insight into their relationship. As we’ve discussed, when they fight, Kurt tends to get very closed off and withdrawn, something we also see in this scene. Even as Blaine is saying these things, Kurt is withdrawn, not making eye contact, and passive-aggressively nodding. But this line suggests that this is something Kurt does whenever there are any problems. This is also supported by previous fights, see season 5 episode 16, and season 3 episode 20. Kurt doesn’t like talking about relationship problems (or even potential problems like in s3e20), and instead just avoids them, often meaning that Blaine ends up needing to handle it. Blaine continues by saying, “I feel like you’re just silently judging me”. This is the second time Blaine has expressed concerns about Kurt judging him during a fight (the first time was in s5e16), which could speak to his own insecurities, however, the Blaine we see in season 2, was not like this. He had some normal teenage doubts, but this kind of deep-seated insecurity wasn’t present. This has slowly been introduced to Blaine’s character throughout his relationship with Kurt, and although Kurt says he wouldn’t judge Blaine (s5e16), as we discussed, he does. Blaine constantly feeling judged by Kurt even after season 5 episode 16 suggests that Kurt hasn’t actually changed any of his behaviors and is still making comments that make Blaine uncomfortable. Blaine asks if Kurt even wants to marry him, and Kurt blurts out, “Maybe I don’t!” He then withdraws back into himself again, looking away and refusing to answer when Blaine asks him what changed. Since Kurt refuses to speak, Blaine starts to cry and asks Kurt if he did something to cause this. Kurt still doesn’t respond. Blaine says that he loves Kurt and that he knows that they can make it work. Kurt says that he loves Blaine too, but that they’re too young and that they should give up before they hate each other. This exchange, too, shows the differences in how they approach this relationship. Blaine is willing to work on the relationship. He wants to be with Kurt, and he would go to the end of the earth to keep them together. Kurt isn’t willing to do this. He just wants the relationship to function without working for it. And because Blaine is very dependent on the relationship for his confidence and self-esteem, he is generally willing to do much more work to maintain it than Kurt. But because Kurt isn’t willing to discuss problems until after a blow-up, that’s still not enough. Kurt has kept his voice and face empty and cold for most of the fight, and even as Blaine breaks down, he maintains this. Blaine tells Kurt that he’ll never forgive him, and then the flashback ends.

The season 6 break up fight is distinct from the others in that both the show and Kurt himself acknowledge that it was Kurt’s fault. He’s the one who needs to apologize, and this changes the power dynamic too. In all the other fights, in the end, Blaine is the one who apologizes, so Kurt has the power to accept or reject said apology. The texting fight in season 3 is the most similar, but Blaine is framed as unreasonable for being upset during that fight and in the end, he’s the one who ends up apologizing and resolving the issues. But this fight also doesn’t resolve itself immediately. Kurt’s apology doesn’t fix their relationship, and they stay broken up for most of the season. However, their power dynamic doesn’t stay the same for the rest of the season. The first real shift comes in episode 4. Up until this point, Blaine has seemed pretty comfortable in his relationship and Kurt has been chasing Blaine and not seeing anyone else. This changes in episode 4 though, Kurt starts talking to a guy online, Walter, and when he tells Blaine about it, it becomes incredibly clear that Blaine hasn’t gotten over Kurt. His relationship is being sabotaged, so that tether to moving forward is weakened. While Blaine obviously isn’t over Kurt, he is very supportive of Kurt trying to move on and doesn’t say anything bad to Kurt about it. And while his body language and tone indicate that he is sad about Kurt moving on, it’s much more bittersweet than anything. This contrasts with Kurt’s reaction to finding out about Karofsky. He’s been bitter, angry, and up until this episode was undermining their relationship with snide comments. At this point, they’ve leveled out, Kurt is entering a new relationship, and Blaine’s relationship is on shaky ground. Episodes 5 and 6 continue this pattern, as Blaine and Karofsky get rockier and Kurt and Walter get stronger. Kurt now is back above Blaine. He’s moving on, but he’s still available, but Blaine is getting pulled back into Kurt and is in a relationship. Episode 7 is where we see another major change in their relationship. Kurt manipulates the random duet wheel to get Blaine chosen as his duet partner even though he’s kind of dating Walter. Blaine mentions that Dave still thinks that there’s something between Kurt and Blaine. Then, after they sing their duet, they start talking about their relationship, specifically their early relationship in season 2, and Blaine kisses Kurt. Before the kiss, they’re talking about their first duet, way back before they even started dating, which was when Blaine was his happiest and most confident. This brings back false nostalgia for a time when Blaine was both confident and happy with Kurt, a time that never really existed since Kurt started tearing Blaine down right as they start dating. However, memories like this are what is being conjured for Blaine, and in an effort to recapture this, he kisses Kurt. Of course, he has a boyfriend, so immediately afterward he rushes off. Now the power is wholly on Kurt. Blaine has betrayed his new relationship and his feelings. He’s revealed that he’s still in love with Kurt, and now Kurt, just like season 4, has two vying love interests. Kurt has the power to choose, whereas Blaine’s relationship with Karofsky is doomed. More than that, Kurt has actively been pursuing Blaine even through this episode, and he's done the thing he always does where he pushes right up to something without explicitly crossing boundaries until Blaine snaps and acts. In this particular situation, this has flipped the power dynamic so now instead of Kurt having to try and get Blaine to come back to him, Blaine is the one who’s going to try and go back to Kurt. Sure enough, Blaine and Dave break up and Blaine goes to try and get back together with Kurt, but Kurt is going out with Walter. Blaine says nothing, he doesn’t criticize Walter or say anything snarky, he just lets Kurt go, reinforcing that Kurt has the power. In episode 8 we get the reunion. Kurt cuts it off with Walter, but the way he does so is interesting. He says, “I’m going to the wedding with Blaine,” but he hadn’t asked Blaine to get back together with him or go to the wedding with him. He seems so sure that it’ll work out with Blaine, even though he doesn’t seem to know that Blaine and Dave broke up. He shows up at Blaine’s apartment, confesses his love, and asks Blaine to go to the wedding with him. And initially, it may seem like Blaine has the power here, but on deeper inspection, there isn’t any risk here for Kurt, and he knows this. The second Blaine kissed Kurt, it becomes clear that Blaine would go back to him as soon as Kurt would take him. Their interaction here shows this, Kurt does say, “Unless there’s someone else,” but it’s tacked on, a formality (I also think this line shows that he didn’t know about Karofsky), and Blaine immediately responds, “There’s no one else”. He doesn’t even hesitate. When it comes down to it, Kurt is the only person for Blaine.

But let’s briefly sidebar and talk about how that isn’t true for Kurt, and how that gives him power over Blaine. Kurt doesn’t really care about who Blaine is, he cares how Blaine is making him feel, and if someone else came along that could make him feel that way, he would probably leave. This is a bold claim to make, so let’s look at some evidence. In season 5 episode 1, Kurt talks to Burt about whether he should say yes to Blaine’s proposal. On this car ride, he looks nauseous and wildly uncomfortable. He tells Burt that he isn’t sure if he wants to marry Blaine, and says “[Blaine] makes me feel so connected and so safe and loved, and I don’t think I’m ever going to find someone else who’s going to make me feel like that”. He says he loves Blaine, but that statement also implies that if someone else came along that could do those things, Blaine would lose the thing that makes him valuable to Kurt. Blaine’s proposal speaks to how well he knows Kurt, it’s grand, romantic, and nostalgic. It’s everything that Kurt enjoys, but Kurt seems uncomfortable through most of it. Blaine is relentlessly supportive of Kurt, but Kurt rarely supports Blaine, because what he values in Blaine is what he can do for him. In his wedding vows he talks about how Blaine pushes the shadows away from Kurt so he can shine (s6e8). That’s what’s most important to him. Kurt tries to date Adam, and initially, he seems to really click with him. Adam compliments Kurt a lot (s4e11), and as shown in season 3 episode 17, this is something that Kurt responds to. However, once he realizes that this doesn’t fulfill him in the same way (s4e15), he drops Adam very quickly (s5e1). Every time Blaine looks at Kurt, it’s so clear how in love with Kurt he is, but very rarely do we see this in Kurt. This gives Kurt the ability to mess around and play with Blaine’s feelings, knowing that if he ever wants to come back to Blaine, he’ll be there. Because there’s no one else.

Finishing season 6, Blaine and Kurt decide to get married (well, Blaine makes the call because Kurt refuses to give straight answers to anyone), and we’ve looked at Kurt’s vows, but let’s look at Blaine’s. Blaine says that he didn’t think that he would ever find love (s6e8). This is pretty worrying. Blaine was fifteen when he met Kurt, and he’s only nineteen or twenty now, so this speaks to how deep Blaine’s insecurities run at this point in his life. After the wedding, Blaine and Kurt seem to be in a good place. Their relationship isn’t the focus of the rest of the season, so we don’t see much of them until episode 13, but they seem to be on equal ground. Then in episode 13, we get a powerful insight into the direction their relationship is headed, but it’s actually not the flashforward. Early in the episode, Blaine and Sam have a conversation about Sam coming back to New York. Sam says no, and one of the reasons he cites is that there are too many sports teams and he doesn’t know who to root for. Blaine responds, “We just root for whichever one’s winning,” and Sam says, “Ok, that’s something Kurt would say”. This is already concerning on its own, but Blaine just says, “That’s what happens when you get married”. Football is something that Blaine has always liked. In season 2 episode 7, Blaine mentions that he’s a college football fan, and in that scene, Kurt changes the subject almost immediately. Then, in season 4 episode 10, we see Blaine and Burt bonding over sports. It’s something that he’s always liked, and him starting to have this sucked out of him is concerning. Kurt is slowly taking away Blaine’s interests, controlling him more. Sam even looks worried when Blaine says this. In that same scene, Blaine almost sounds like he’s trying to convince himself that he’s happy, or at least convince Sam that there’s nothing wrong. Finally, we see Blaine and Kurt five years later. They seem happy, but they’re having a baby, and while there’s nothing strictly wrong with that, having a baby as performers in their mid-twenties (24-26) seems like an odd choice. Both of them can’t work 8 shows a week and have a child, so what’s their plan going forward. They’re so young, in New York, there’s no reason for it. To wrap up this section of the analysis, Blaine is introduced as a very confident young man, but Kurt systematically tears Blaine down in order to not only feel superior to Blaine but also to control him. He frequently talks about how important trust is in a relationship, and he weaponizes this against Blaine, constantly telling him how he doesn’t trust him (s4e7, s5e17, s5e20). He lies to Blaine, demeans his feelings and accomplishments, and manipulates him.

Support: Blaine vs. Kurt

Earlier, I presented the claim that Kurt isn’t very supportive of Blaine, especially in comparison to how supportive Blaine is, and how this coupled with the amount Kurt tears Blaine down creates an environment where Kurt has a lot of power and control over Blaine, so here are some examples of this. The first example of Kurt being supportive of Blaine comes in season 2 episode 12. Kurt convinces the Warblers to do the Gap Attack, but when he realizes that he isn’t the guy Blaine has a crush on and it no longer benefits him, he has to be talked into even going by Mercedes and Rachel. As discussed, in season 3 episode 3, Kurt congratulates Blaine on getting Tony, but this is only after discouraging Blaine to audition and being visibly upset when he was asked to read for Tony. In season 3 episode 11, Kurt is pretty good about Blaine’s surgery, however, he doesn’t even consult Blaine or his family when he gets direct evidence of Sebastian committing a felony, just hands the evidence over to Sebastian. In season 3 episode 15, Kurt gives Blaine advice on talking to Cooper, but this is after he spent the entire episode fawning over him when it clearly made Blaine uncomfortable. In season 3 episode 19, Kurt tells Blaine not to put hair gel back in after Brittney forces him to take it out at prom. However, this comes after Kurt mocked Blaine’s insecurities and laughed at him when he showed up to prom with his hair out. We see little to no examples of Kurt being supportive after he leaves for New York. The next time we see Kurt being supportive of Blaine comes in season 5 episode 6. Blaine is freaking out about auditioning for NYADA, and Kurt is very gentle and calming. However, this isn’t wholly unselfish. Kurt wants Blaine to come to New York, to go to the same school as him, it’s season 3 episode 1 all over again. He even pressured Blaine to sing at the diner when he looked visibly uncomfortable with it in the name of support. We also see him celebrating Blaine getting into NYADA in episode 12, but this is the bare minimum of support. He is cautiously supportive of Blaine getting picked up by June, but this is also selfish. He talks multiple times about how this will benefit his career (s5e18), and him eventually telling Blaine to do the showcase even without him is, again, the absolute bare minimum (s5e20). However, there are a few times where Kurt was genuinely supportive of Blaine without an ulterior motive. The first example of this is in season 2 episode 20. Kurt asks Blaine to prom, but Blaine tells Kurt that he was bullied at a Sadie Hawking’s dance before he transferred to Dalton. Kurt is immediately sympathetic and encourages him to stand up to the bullies while saying that if Blaine is uncomfortable with going, they won’t. And in season 6 episode 10 when Dalton burns down, he’s very good about handling it, but it’s saying something that those two are the only strong examples of Kurt being genuinely supportive, speaks volumes. (There are also three times in the show where Blaine tells Kurt that he loves him and Kurt either doesn’t say it back or hangs up before he even hears Blaine, once in season 4 episode 4 (5:25), once in season 5 episode 9 (12:50), and again in season 5 episode 19 (33:20), and it just bothers me a little.)

Let’s compare this to Blaine. In season 2, Blaine helps Kurt around Dalton (s2e6), helps Kurt with Karofsky (s2e6), laughs at Kurt’s jokes when no one else does (s2e9), helps Kurt adjust to the Warblers (s2e9), helps him with Pavarotti (s2e9), convinces Burt to give Kurt the sex talk (s2e15), gets Kurt a duet for Regionals and making it something that’s in Kurt’s wheelhouse (s2e16), giving Kurt a pep talk before he goes on stage (s2e16), goes to prom with Kurt despite his past trauma (s2e20), helps Kurt calm down after he’s elected prom queen (s2e20), and dances with Kurt after Karofsky runs out (s2e20). In season 3, Blaine transfers to WMHS for Kurt (s3e1), is very supportive of Kurt when he loses the student council election and tells him not to give up on NYADA (s3e7), pushes Kurt out of the way, and takes Sebastian’s Slushee (s3e11), congratulates Kurt on his NYADA audition even when he’s about to get surgery (s3e11), and is very supportive of Kurt through his panic about his audition (s3e18). In season 4, Blaine tells Kurt that New York is where he belongs and encourages him to leave (s4e1), supports Kurt’s music video even though Kurt is being wildly unsupportive of him throughout it (s4e4), and assures Kurt that he’ll always be there for him even if they aren’t together (s4e10). In season 5, Blaine agrees to fly out to NYC in the middle of the school week with only a few days notice (s5e7), gives Kurt advice on Elliot when Kurt is being paranoid (s5e9), stays with Kurt in the hospital when he gets attacked (s5e15), is very happy for Kurt when he reveals he got picked for June’s show even before Kurt offered him a part (s5e18), chooses to go to Kurt’s nursing home performance over a big opportunity with June (s5e19), and inviting Kurt to perform with him at June’s show even though it could cost him the partnership (s5e20). In season 6, Blaine does all the wedding planning (s6e1), never says a bad word about Kurt dating other people when Kurt was antagonistic and cruel about him dating Karofsky (s6e4, s6e7), and pushes the glitter bomb box out of Kurt’s hands, physically protecting him again (s6e11). This is just the shortlist, and very few of them are selfishly motivated at all. In fact, many of them actively go against his own interests and involve giving up opportunities. This dichotomy is a prime example of what reinforces Kurt’s power over Blaine. Blaine is willing to give up everything for Kurt and gives him everything he has, but Kurt not only won’t do the same in return but exploits Blaine’s generosity.

Cheating and Double Standards

So, let’s talk about cheating, romantic jealousy, and the double standard of their relationship. Kurt is immediately possessive of Blaine, even before they start dating. He puts a picture of Blaine in his locker within a week of meeting him (s2e6). In season 2 episode 12, Blaine reveals that he has a crush on another guy, and Kurt, who had constructed a relationship with Blaine in his head, gets very upset. Despite being all too willing to help Blaine when he thought it was about him, he needs to be talked into even going by Mercedes and Rachel. Then, in season 2 episode 14, Kurt gets extremely jealous about Rachel and Blaine kissing and going on a date even though they’re not dating yet. In season 3 episode 5, Blaine meets Sebastian Smythe for the first time. Immediately, Sebastian hits on Blaine very aggressively, but it clearly makes Blaine extremely uncomfortable. Blaine agrees to go to The Lima Bean with Sebastian, and Sebastian continues to hit on Blaine, even more overtly this time. Blaine looks even more uncomfortable and quickly and forcefully shuts Sebastian down multiple times, talking about his boyfriend and how much he loves him. Despite Blaine being in the middle of shutting Sebastian down as Kurt shows up, Kurt is immediately very jealous and possessive. Sebastian suggests that they all go out to the local gay bar, and while Blaine seems interested, he turns it down because he knows Kurt isn’t. Kurt agrees to go but to rival Sebastian, not because Blaine wants to go. Then when they do go out, Kurt decides to spend the night moping at the bar instead of dancing with Blaine. However, Blaine keeps looking over at him, clearly wanting him to come dance with them. He’s not dancing inappropriately with Sebastian, he’s just trying to have fun, and Kurt’s being weird for no reason. He’s really happy when Kurt comes to dance with them, and there’s obviously nothing insidious going on. However, when Kurt and Blaine are fighting and Kurt is bringing up mostly good points, he also throws in that Blaine spent half the night dancing with another guy, which again, was not Blaine’s fault. Then, Blaine has to swear to Kurt that Sebastian doesn’t mean anything to him when he’s been shutting down his advances the whole episode and is clearly not interested. It seems like Kurt believes that Blaine doesn’t have feelings for Sebastian, but he acts exceptionally jealous every time Sebastian shows up, and Kurt talks about him so often that Blaine yells at Kurt to stop bringing him up in season 3 episode 14.

In season 3 episode 17, we have the first cheating scandal. Kurt needs music for his NYADA audition, and he tells Blaine this and asks him to go to the music store, Between the Sheets with him. Blaine seems upset and says he can’t. Kurt doesn’t ask him why he can’t go or why he’s upset, just decides to go on his own. At Between the Sheets, Kurt meets a guy, Chandler. Chandler is very complimentary towards Kurt immediately, which Kurt responds very positively to. Then, as he’s leaving, Chandler’s comments turn flirtatious and he asks for Kurt’s phone number. Despite it being very clear that Chandler is hitting on him, Kurt gives him his number and doesn’t mention that he has a boyfriend. Kurt starts texting regularly with Chandler. The texts are very flirty, and although Kurt initially doesn’t seem to see anything wrong with it, once Rachel calls him out, he does seem to realize that it isn’t innocent. He says that Blaine hasn’t been complimenting him or trying to have sex with him recently, but he hasn’t spoken to Blaine about it. He texts with Chandler while ignoring Blaine, who is visibly upset, during Rachel and Santana’s duet. Later in the episode, Blaine ends up reading the text messages between Chandler and Kurt. He’s very upset and says that it’s cheating. Kurt denies that it’s cheating and compares it to Blaine talking to Sebastian. Blaine denies this, saying that he didn’t have feelings for Sebastian, and Kurt has feelings for this guy. I agree with Blaine in this situation. He didn’t have feelings for Sebastian and made it clear that it made him uncomfortable when Sebastian hit on him. Kurt does have feelings for Chandler, he was reciprocating the flirting, it’s a different situation, and Kurt is in the wrong. Moreover, considering that Kurt has been ignoring Blaine in favor of Chandler, I do think it’s reasonable to consider this cheating. It’s also notable that sex is not, and never has been, the most important thing to Kurt in a relationship. It’s important in the same way it would be to most teenage boys, but it isn’t how he primarily displays intimacy, so Kurt not having sex with this guy doesn’t mean that he’s not pursuing him. However, Kurt continues to deny that he did anything wrong. He justifies it by saying that Blaine never compliments him. He then says that it’s hard to be Blaine’s boyfriend because everyone wants to be with him. Blaine says that Kurt should have talked to him about it, but Kurt ignores this and continues to dismiss Blaine’s concerns. He doesn’t apologize, he only says that he’s sorry if it made Blaine feel uncomfortable. He tries to dismiss Blaine’s feelings again by saying “it’s ok”, and Blaine storms out. They sing some dramatic songs at each other, Kurt denies that what he did was cheating yet again. Kurt brings Blaine to talk to Emma. Blaine is very upset and vents about a lot of issues he has with Kurt being rude and not respecting boundaries, and then he reveals that he actually is more upset about Kurt preparing to leave for New York than anything else. He’s upset that Kurt keeps talking about it in every conversation because he feels like Kurt’s running away from him and is going to abandon him (which will prove very prescient). Kurt promises that he’ll never do that and Blaine shouldn’t worry. Kurt never admits that what he did was wrong, but at the end of the episode, he says that he told Chandler to stop texting him. Unlike Kurt with Sebastian, Blaine never mentions Chandler again (unless you count that one line from Tina’s body-swapping dream thing, but that’s not real, so I choose to believe that Tina is just outraged in Blaine’s honor), and seems to not only have moved on but forgiven him as well.

Let’s move on to the next significant cheating incident, season 4 episode 4. Kurt has been ignoring Blaine since he got to New York. In the previous episode, he ignored a call from Blaine on a night he knew was important to him, the night of the senior class president election, to chat with his coworkers about nonwork-related things (s4e3). and early in the episode, Blaine and Brittney have a conversation about how hard it is for them now that it seems like Kurt and Santana are too busy for them. Kurt calls Blaine (in the middle of the school day), but he immediately has to go. He says that the phones won’t stop ringing at work, Blaine is understanding and tells Kurt he can call him back later. Kurt says he can’t because he’s working until midnight. Kurt says that he understands that it’s frustrating, but this could be a career for him. Blaine says that he understands and then attempts to communicate about the issues he’s having and what he’s feeling. He says that he really misses Kurt, and says “I miss talking to you, and I miss hugging you, and I miss messing around with you,” confirming that they’ve barely interacted in a while. Kurt says, “But you’re coming in two weeks, right?” as if it’s ok for them not to talk for weeks. Two weeks is a long time, especially because when they were first discussing this in season 3, Kurt assured Blaine that he would Skype him every day and that they would see each other every weekend (although even then, he says that Blaine will come and visit him, and never offers to visit Blaine in Lima) (s3e17) and then Kurt had put off practical conversations about doing long distance in favor of flowery language and empty promises even when Blaine actively tried to initiate conversations about it (s3e22). Kurt has broken his word to Blaine and isn’t being a good partner. Blaine expresses that he doesn’t know how he’s going to handle waiting two weeks, seeming genuinely worried and upset, but Kurt doesn’t even acknowledge this. He says that someone is calling with good gossip and that he has to go. He says he’ll call or text Blaine on a break and hangs up without another word, not even waiting long enough to hear Blaine say “I love you” to him. This deeply hurts Blaine, and throughout Barely Breathing we see him calling Kurt, feeling lonely, and then talking to another guy on Facebook. Blaine shows up at Kurt’s apartment on Friday night, which means he would have had to leave straight from school, and since he seems to only decided to go the night before at the earliest, it would have been wildly expensive. Throughout his time in New York, Blaine is clearly upset, and to his credit, Kurt does ask him about it several times, and Blaine eventually admits that he cheated on Kurt. Kurt’s first reaction is to say, “It was Sebastian, wasn’t it?” really nailing home that he still hasn’t forgotten about that, and that he already didn’t really trust Blaine. Blaine says it wasn’t and tries to explain to Kurt that it didn’t mean anything. Kurt asks who it was again. This upsets Blaine further, and he says “It doesn’t matter who it was with, Kurt, what matters is that I was by myself. I needed you. I needed you around, and you weren’t there.” That is the crux of the issue. Kurt has been ignoring Blaine, and both of the times we see him do this are explicitly for gossip, not essential work reasons. It’s implied, though, that he’s been doing this a lot, and if the only two times the audience is shown this are both inessential reasons, it can be extrapolated that these aren’t isolated (s4e3, s4e4). Blaine has tried to raise his concerns, but at every step of the way, Kurt shut him down, brushed him off, and refused to talk about it (s3e17, s3e22, s4e3, s4e4). Kurt has been a bad boyfriend, and unlike season 3 episode 17, Blaine actually tried to reach out to talk about it before he cheated, whereas Kurt didn’t. Blaine says that he was lonely and made a mistake, but that he’s really sorry. Kurt says he’s been feeling the same way, but he didn’t act on it because he knew how awful it was. While this is totally fair, it’s important to note that Kurt has a whole exciting new life and career in New York. He has a lot to look forward to and to keep him busy and distracted, and Blaine’s been supporting him in this (s4e3). However, Blaine is in Lima, there’s very little going on, and even being at McKinley is a constant reminder of Kurt and his absence. The few things in his life that were exciting for him were belittled, demeaned, and overshadowed by Kurt (s4e3). Blaine felt Kurt pulling away because of his new life, something he had been terrified of might happen (s3e17). Kurt knew that this was an insecurity of Blaine’s, and yet he doesn’t put any effort into assuaging his fears. Blaine shouldn’t have cheated, I’m certainly not saying it was justified, but Kurt contributed significantly to the problems in the relationship that led to this action, and that shouldn’t be overlooked. Blaine apologizes again, but Kurt rushes off. On what presumably is the next Monday, since the breakup happened on a Friday so there wouldn’t have been school the next day, Finn is back in Lima and he talks to Blaine. Blaine says that he doesn’t know why he cheated on Kurt, but now Kurt won’t talk to him and he doesn’t even know if they’re broken up, despite, again, three days passing. We see Kurt at work. He seems upset, but also says that he’ll be ok.

We see Blaine continue to beat himself up for a large amount of season 4, all the way through episode 11, where he starts to move on. In episode 7, Blaine is torturing himself about cheating. He almost leaves WMHS, but Sam talks to him about it. He affirms that it was a one night stand, that he felt nothing, and that he immediately regretted it. Kurt is upset for a while, but he refuses to take any responsibility. He also talks about how he doesn’t want to forgive Blaine because he wants him to feel bad, and only decides to accept Blaine’s apology for himself (s4e8). He calls Blaine right before Blaine is about to perform after ghosting him for weeks, but only to remind Blaine that he doesn’t forgive him and to lie to him about coming back to Lima for Christmas (s4e8). Kurt isn’t required to forgive Blaine, but he keeps holding it over Blaine’s head, reminding him of what he’s lost while he’s struggling, and given that he previously said that he wanted Blaine to suffer, it colors it slightly. On Christmas, Kurt decides not to go back to Lima for Christmas despite promising Blaine, and when Blaine comes to New York, he feels the need to ask, “You are happy to see me, right?” despite Kurt having said previously that he wanted to see Blaine for Christmas. Both Kurt and Blaine start to move on in season 4 episode 11, and although Blaine’s crush on Sam is real, he’s still very clearly in love with Kurt. Kurt is trying much harder to move on, and his relationship with Adam seems to have the potential to become more serious. He’s already pretty close with Adam in season 4 episode 13, and it seems like Adam is very interested in Kurt.

The next major turn of events comes in season 4 episode 14. At Will and Emma’s wedding, Blaine and Kurt are making out, and Kurt mentions that he shouldn’t be doing this because he’s kind of dating someone in New York. Blaine, somewhat desperately, assures him that it’s ok because he’s not in New York and it’s not exclusive. Kurt agrees but clarifies that this doesn’t mean that they’re back together. Blaine agrees, saying it’s just “bros helping bros”, but clearly he doesn’t actually feel that way. He’s still in love with Kurt, while Kurt is starting to move on. Kurt spends the entire reception flirting with Blaine while saying that he doesn’t want to get back together, and that would be fine if Blaine was in the same place as Kurt. But he isn’t. Blaine is just trying to claw his way out of the darkest place he’s ever been in, and he’s using Kurt to do this, but this isn’t healthy. He’s been conditioned to feel like he needs Kurt to feel worthy, and this is only reinforcing this. Kurt is also weirdly jealous when he finds out about the Tina situation for someone who isn’t interested in Blaine. Also, Tina makes fantastic points in that argument. Kurt and Blaine hook up, and Kurt, again, reiterates that they’re not getting back together, but Blaine isn’t in a place to see them having sex as casual and insignificant. He is viewing it as more, and Kurt is the older, more mature one, and he knows how Blaine feels. He is leading Blaine on by playing into it. Having sex, going on dates, he’s not letting Blaine move on like he is.

Speaking of Kurt moving on, let’s talk about Adam. Adam deserved better, even after that horrendous Baby Got Back performance. Adam genuinely likes Kurt. Immediately, he seems to care very deeply for Kurt and is very supportive and complimentary of him (s4e11, s4e13). However, this isn’t enough for Kurt. He still feels the need to have Blaine there for him too, so he sleeps with him despite kind of dating Adam (s4e14). Then in season 4 episode 15, Santana asks Kurt about him sleeping with Blaine at the wedding in front of Adam, and Kurt shushes her, trying to hide it from Adam as if he’s aware that he probably shouldn’t have done it. It probably wasn’t cheating in the strictest sense, but Adam does seem upset, although whether it’s by Kurt sleeping with Blaine or Kurt trying to hide it is unclear. They watch Moulin Rouge, and Kurt imagines himself singing Come What May with Blaine. He starts crying and Adam asks him about it. He lies to Adam’s face, lies to him about wearing contacts, tries to convince Rachel to go along with it, and would have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for Santana. Santana calls him out, asking him if he’s crying because he used to say that he wanted to sing that duet with Blaine at their wedding. Kurt tries to shut it down, but Santana is unbothered and continues, saying she once heard Kurt say that singing that song was “a more intimate act than sex”. Adam looks a little confused and upset but doesn’t say anything. Kurt tries to leave, and Santana changes the subject. This comment from Santana confirms that Kurt is first and foremost a romantic, and that sex is not the most important thing to him. Later, after the storm is over, Adam talks to Kurt about Santana’s comment. He asks Kurt if he used to sing that song with Blaine, and Kurt says yes, but tries to minimize it. Adam asks if Kurt still loves Blaine. He doesn’t respond. Then Adam asks if he was Kurt’s rebound, saying that he can’t compete with a fantasy. Kurt says no and that he “desperately” wants to be over Blaine. Adam says that they’re going to go watch a sappy romantic movie to be their movie and to try and help Kurt move on. In season 5 episode 1, Blaine asks Kurt what the deal is with Adam, and Kurt claims that it never got serious, but the last time we saw Adam, it seemed like they were headed in that direction. Kurt mentions that he’s still seeing Adam in season 4 episode 17, and Sam mentions that Blaine didn’t know where Kurt and Adam stood in season 4 episode 22. We never see any indication that their relationship stopped, but Kurt agrees to start dating Blaine again, and then he’s dating Kurt for days before Blaine proposes, but as we find out in season 5 episode 4, Adam kicked Kurt out of the Adam’s Apples when he found out Kurt was engaged, which implies that Kurt didn’t officially break things off with Adam until after he got engaged. This only reinforces that Kurt hates committing to breakups. He always wants to keep his options open in case he needs a backup plan. Adam is a little weird, but he’s so sweet. He’s trying so hard to help Kurt even when Kurt is lying to him and lowkey playing him. There are a lot of reflections of how Kurt treats Blaine in how he treats Adam too. None of Kurt’s toxic behaviors are isolated, and none of the people in his life deserve to be treated the way he treats them.

I’ve already heavily analyzed the scene in season 5 episode 1 when Kurt and Blaine get back together, but I do want to briefly reiterate something before moving on. Kurt, despite knowing that he’s going to forgive Blaine, holds the cheating over Blaine, but he eventually does say he forgives Blaine, and that they can put it behind them. However, he doesn’t do this. In season 5 episode 7, Blaine has a complete mental breakdown. The New Directions weren’t listening to Blaine’s ideas, and he called Kurt looking for support, instead, Kurt calls Blaine a puppet master and then asks Blaine for support and to come to New York, which, of course, Blaine agrees to. However, Kurt insulting Blaine along with a gas leak in the choir room leads to Blaine’s downward spiral. He starts hallucinating puppets and then decides to make a puppet version of Kurt. Here’s where we get evidence that Blaine is very aware that Kurt hasn’t actually forgiven Blaine for cheating. He has his puppet say that he’s forgiven Blaine. Personally, I think this is quite sad, and we see Blaine’s insecurities and struggles with control highlighted in this episode. Then, in season 5 episode 16, there’s confirmation that Kurt is still holding it over Blaine’s head and hasn’t forgiven him. Kurt could have easily talked about getting tested, or even the last time he got tested, without bringing up Eli. It was unnecessary, and as I stated earlier, the way Blaine reacts implies that Kurt brings this up frequently. It’s controlling and cruel, and he’s not even criticized for it, by his friends or by the tone of the show itself. And this is something that only Kurt does. Rarely do the other characters in the show bring up cheating out of nowhere, and as mentioned, Blaine has never brought up Chandler since season 3 episode 17. In this episode, Kurt also gets incredibly jealous and controlling of Blaine watching porn, even though that’s none of his business, and if he was worried about their sex lives should have talked to Blaine about it.

Let’s talk about Karofsky because the way Kurt reacts to him is fascinating. In season 6 episode 1, Kurt had broken up with Blaine out of nowhere months ago, but he comes back to Lima with the express purpose to get back together with Blaine. However, upon meeting with Blaine, he reveals that he’s actually seeing someone, and Kurt’s first thought is that it’s Sebastian, which drives home that Kurt never got over the Sebastian thing, even though nothing happened between them, and he had no reason to think that anything ever would. Karofsky shows up and Kurt does not react well to this. He manages to not say anything against him explicitly, but his tone is mocking and sarcastic, and he leaves quickly to go cry in the bathroom. Initially, Blaine and Dave seem very happy, honestly, and this seems to upset Kurt (s6e1, s6e2, s6e3). Kurt is very passive-aggressive and jealous whenever he sees Dave and Blaine together, to the point where Blaine has to ask whether they need to come up with alternating sheet music schedules (s6e3). Kurt also refuses to admit that Blaine has moved on, pretending that they’re on a break until Britt calls him out about it and tells him that Blaine and Dave are moving in together (s6e3). He gets very bitter every time Blaine tries to talk about his boyfriend (s6e5). Then, Kurt begins to move on, but he still decides to cheat in order to get Blaine chosen to sing a duet with, undermining Blaine and Dave’s relationship. And when Blaine implies that Dave might not be fully comfortable with Blaine and Kurt singing together, Kurt implies that Dave’s paranoid and crazy, because nothing is going on, even though he is trying to undermine them and something is going on (s6e7). Kurt then manipulates Blaine’s feelings, pivoting the conversation away from Karofsky and to the past and pretending that he forgot their first duet, and then acts all surprised when Blaine kisses him like he hasn’t been trying to undermine Blaine’s relationship for weeks (s6e7). Then, knowing that Blaine still had feelings for him, he suddenly decides to stop pursuing Blaine right as Blaine breaks up with Dave (s6e7). And then Kurt does decide to go back to Blaine without knowing that he broke up with Dave, and just assumes it’ll work out (s6e8). Kurt does do everything in his power to get Blaine to break up with Dave without actually saying so. He’s highly manipulative, and he prevented Blaine from continuing a relationship that was really good for him. And for the record, no, I don’t think that Blaine and Dave would have made it long term, and their relationship is a little weird. Mostly, I don’t think it would have worked out because Dave would have reminded Blaine too much of Kurt, but they seemed to have a fairly healthy relationship, and I do think that if Kurt had let Blaine be, he could have moved on on his own time. I think Kurt interrupting this journey impacted Blaine in a very significant way and made him even more dependent on Kurt than he already was. However, Kurt is one of the main characters, so the show frames him pursuing Blaine as an epic love story, convincing the audience to root for Kurt.

Now that we’ve unpacked Kurt’s jealousy, let’s analyze Blaine’s jealousy, and how it’s framed vs. Kurt’s jealousy. Blaine does struggle with jealousy as well, but it is not the same as Kurt’s, and the show treats it in a very different way. Blaine is jealous of Chandler, but he has a right to be. Kurt is interested in him, and they were actively flirting. However, he’s framed as being unreasonable. The show and Kurt say that he’s overreacting, and in the end, it turns out that he’s not actually upset about Chandler, even though he had a right to be, and he forgives Kurt. But Blaine isn’t generally very jealous, so the next major event is in season 5 episodes 9 and 14. Kurt takes a picture with Elliott, and Elliott kisses him on the cheek in the picture. Blaine seems a little worried by the photo but doesn’t say anything until episode 14. Kurt is lashing out at Blaine because he feels smothered in their relationship and he mentions Elliott. Blaine snaps at Kurt jealously, and Kurt calls him a psycho. This is another example of the double standard when it comes to jealousy. Kurt is justified in being jealous of Sebastian for years when nothing happened, but Blaine gets a little jealous of Elliott after Kurt starts pulling away again, and he’s crazy and unreasonable. This is not only on Kurt as a character but also on the show. They both present Kurt as someone who can do no wrong, and Blaine as a terrible person the second he makes a minor mistake. Blaine leaves and goes to Elliott’s apartment. He yells at Elliott, but Elliott calms Blaine down and handles the situation very well. Blaine goes back to the loft and apologizes for his jealousy, something Kurt never does about any of the people he gets jealous of. Then, in season 5 episode 16, Kurt is getting ogled and hit on by several guys in his stage combat class, and Blaine feels uncomfortable with this. He doesn’t feel comfortable with Kurt being viewed as a sexual object. Both Kurt and the show frame Blaine as being unreasonable for this, however, in season 3 episode 17, Kurt expresses a similar discomfort. He calls Blaine an “alpha gay” and says that “even Rachel wanted to make out with [Blaine]”. Moreover, Blaine’s jealousy is not unfounded. The guy who is primarily hitting on Kurt is complimenting him heavily, something that Blaine knows from experience is something that Kurt responds to in the early stages of a relationship (s3e17, s4e11), and has caused Kurt to cheat in the past (s3e17). Kurt is also doing nothing to shut this guy down, despite him obviously flirting, which contrasts with how vigorously Blaine shut down Sebastian (s3e5). This continues throughout the episode, and Kurt never makes any moves to shut him down or assuage Blaine’s fears. In the end, as always, Blaine is the one forced to apologize. Finally, in season 6 we are introduced to Walter. When Kurt first mentions that he’s going on a date with Walter in episode 4, Blaine is clearly a little upset by it, but he is very supportive, and he’s dating Dave anyway, so he’s very good about it. Then in episode 7, Blaine comes to McKinley after breaking up with Dave to confess his feelings to Kurt, and Kurt is going out with Walter. Despite Walter being older than time, Blaine doesn’t say a single bad word against him and lets Kurt go. These two interactions contrast boldly with all of Kurt’s reactions to Karofsky. He is jealous, but he doesn’t take it out on Kurt’s budding relationship. The double standard of how cheating and jealousy are treated between them is completely unfair. Blaine has transgressed before, but so has Kurt, and that being brushed under the rug isn’t fair. In addition, the way Blaine is blamed for Sebastian flirting with him vs. the guy in Blaine’s combat class flirting with Kurt being forgotten almost immediately is the clearest example of this double standard that pervades their relationship and how it’s portrayed.

Blaine’s Relationship Missteps

Now, of course, Blaine isn’t perfect, and in the spirit of fairness, let’s look at all the times Blaine exhibited similar behaviors to the ones I’ve listed for Kurt. In season 2 episode 20, Blaine is initially nervous about Kurt’s prom outfit. He agrees with Burt that it’s provocative, and he’s worried about Kurt getting attacked or harassed at prom, which makes sense given his past experiences and what he’d seen Kurt go through that year. Of course, he should have been more supportive, but he comes around regardless. Throughout season 3, Blaine maintains an interesting relationship with Sebastian, and as we’ve discussed, I don’t think this was strictly wrong, but it did make Kurt uncomfortable, and potentially he could have been more responsive to this. But I’m not convinced by this one. In season 3 episode 5, Blaine pressures Kurt to have sex before he’s ready, reneging on a conversation they had had but a few days ago. The pressures of the musical and Sebastian are bearing down on him, and he definitely acts inappropriately. I’m not going to try and defend this one, that scene makes me very uncomfortable. Although I do think that Kurt’s jealousy was unfounded. In season 4 episode 4, Blaine cheats on Kurt, as discussed, this is wrong. He shouldn’t have done it, however, he did attempt to talk to Kurt about it, and Kurt shouldn’t have ignored and overshadowed Blaine. It doesn’t justify what he did, but it does contextualize it. In season 5 episode 14, Blaine gets very jealous of Elliott. This is unfounded and irrational, and he’s taking out his lack of control and confusion on Elliott. It’s a lot like the Sebastian situation, he has no reason to think anything is going on. This is different from season 5 episode 16, where Blaine is uncomfortable with other men hitting on Kurt. While I still think that this isn’t right, Kurt has given Blaine reason to think that this might be a problem in the past. The last time a guy complimented Kurt, he started a whole thing with him. It’s understandable why Blaine would be a little insecure. In season 6 episode 2, Blaine accuses Kurt of stealing Jane because he’s upset about Blaine and Dave dating, and while this is definitely paranoid, Kurt was upset about Dave, and Rachel and Kurt are not above poaching to get ahead. Finally, in season 6 episode 7, Blaine kisses Kurt while still dating Dave. This is also bad, but as discussed earlier, Kurt fostered the environment that led to this incident. I don’t think that any of these things should be dismissed, but I also don’t think that this is convincing evidence that Blaine is particularly toxic. Most of these seem like mistakes that could happen in a tumultuous relationship, and the fact that there are so few items on this list comparatively is significant.

Warped Ideas of Romance

Blaine also develops a very warped sense of romance and healthy relationship milestones over the course of the show, and I blame Kurt. Kurt has always been a romantic, and he instills into Blaine very early on in their relationship. He likes big grand gestures, and we see Blaine do that for Kurt many times, mostly through big songs. It became the primary way he communicated with Kurt. Blaine admits early on that not only has he never had a boyfriend before but that he feels like he doesn’t know what he’s doing at all when it comes to romance (s2e12). To be fair, Kurt is in a similar situation, but Kurt is older, and their relationship is dominated by Kurt all too often. This doesn’t become a problem until later on, though. It first rears its head in season 4 episode 21, when Blaine tells Burt that he wants to propose to Kurt and asks for his permission to do so, despite them not being together. Blaine mentions in that conversation that he knows that if he wants to get Kurt back, he has to do something big. In fact, Blaine almost proposes in that very episode. Then, in episode 22, he buys an engagement ring despite all of his friends protesting with very logical arguments and almost proposes again. In season 5 episode 1, they get back together, and Blaine tells everyone that he needs to make the proposal even bigger and more dramatic now that he’s back together with Kurt. They have only been together for a few days, but at least this is a little better than proposing when you’ve been broken up for months. And Kurt says yes anyway. This idea pervades their whole relationship, but it doesn’t come back in a big way until season 6 episode 8 (although he does seem to move in with Dave pretty early in their relationship (s6e3). They couldn’t have been together for more than a few months, because the end of season 5 is the summer, and the beginning of season 6 is right at the beginning of the school year). Tina asks Blaine, Artie, and Puck whether she should propose to Mike at Santana and Brittany’s wedding, even though they aren’t together and haven’t even seen each other in person for a long time. Blaine’s first response is that he thinks it’s romantic when it’s clearly insane. Then when Brittany and Sue ask him and Kurt to get married, Blaine says yes. He is the one who decides it because Kurt refuses to give a straight answer to anyone ever. But to be fair, I wouldn’t want to get married in that suit either, it’s bad. They also have a baby super young for performers in New York (s6e13). Blaine doesn’t know what a healthy relationship looks like, and it’s very worrying.

Communication

Next, let’s discuss how bad they are at communication, especially Kurt. Not only is Kurt bad at communication, but he actively shuts it down so often. As mentioned, Blaine is new to relationships, and he is actively taught that the best way to communicate with Kurt is by singing. Kurt doesn’t respond to conversation, he always shuts it down and only responds to Blaine’s concerns when he sings. For example, in season 5 episode 20, Blaine sings All of Me to tell Kurt that he lied about Kurt being in June’s show. When Kurt gets angry about it, Blaine explains that he had no idea how to tell Kurt about the show without lying, and then he didn’t know how to tell Kurt about the lie, because he was scared of hurting Kurt. This is also not the first time that Blaine has been so afraid of Kurt that he’s felt the need to lie to him. In season 5 episode 7, Blaine gets detention and is unable to attend Kurt’s first Pamela Landsbury gig or risk suspension. He doesn’t know to break the news to Kurt for fear of hurting Kurt’s feelings and doesn’t call Kurt to let him know that he can’t make it, and waits until Kurt calls him right before the performance to tell him. Now, this is obviously bad, but it shows how Blaine doesn’t know how to talk to Kurt and how he’s always walking on eggshells around him. There are too many examples of Kurt shutting down Blaine when he tries to communicate openly, so let’s look at them. With graduation coming up, Blaine tries to talk to Kurt about doing long distance, and Kurt says that he wants to be in denial for a few more days. Blaine tries again to talk about it, but Kurt shuts him down again with flowery words and empty promises (s3e22). When Kurt is in New York, he starts ignoring Blaine, and when Blaine reaches out, Kurt shuts it down and does nothing to change (s4e4). In season 5 episode 14, Blaine openly asks Kurt if he’s crowding him, and even though he is, Kurt lies to Blaine about it. Then, in season 5 episode 16, Blaine tries to clear the air about the fight over the porn, and Kurt shuts it down, saying that they talk too much, when really they don’t talk at all. This is a pattern of behavior for Kurt, and it shouldn’t be. Kurt never asks Blaine when something is wrong, even if he can tell he’s upset (s3e17, s5e14, s5e16), and their relationship has to be pushed to the breaking point before Kurt puts any work in (s3e17, s5e14, s5e16, s6e1). Except when Blaine sings. In season 4 episode 4 and season 5 episode 20, Kurt asks Blaine what is wrong, but only because Blaine sang about it. Even though he is aware when Blaine is insecure or having issues, he only directly talks to Blaine about it when he sings it. This is not healthy. It encourages Blaine to withdraw and not try to keep communication open, which is already something Blaine struggles with (s3e17, s5e16). Kurt doesn’t want to communicate, and Blaine doesn’t know how to reach him. It’s dangerous and worrying.

Kurt’s Toxicity Outside His Relationship with Blaine

Now, the reason I think that the toxicity is mostly Kurt’s fault and not just a bad relationship that brings out the worst in both of them is that he acts in similar ways in his relationships with other people as well. For example, in season 1, Kurt is very predatory towards Finn. He spends much of the season hitting on him (s1e10), trying to get their parents together so they can live together (s1e16), and trying to sabotage Finn’s relationships (s1e10, s1e11). Like in his relationship with Blaine, he pushes Finn, not taking no for an answer, until Finn snaps and uses the f-slur (s1e20). Obviously, Finn shouldn’t have said that, but the actions Kurt took to drive him to that point can’t be dismissed out of hand. However, as in his arguments with Blaine, Kurt refuses to take any responsibility, playing the victim card even when Finn and Burt call him out for not understanding that no means no (s2e4, s2e14). He also exhibits jealous and possessive behaviors around Burt. When Burt starts getting closer to Finn, Kurt is unreasonably upset by it. Despite Burt being completely supportive of him, he thinks that his sexuality is the reason Burt is inviting Finn to go to sports games and not that Kurt notoriously hates sports (s1e16). In season 2, Kurt accuses Mr. Shue and Burt of being homophobic when they don’t let him do things he wants (s2e6, s2e14). He implies that Will is homophobic when he won’t let Kurt sing on the girls’ team during the season 2 girls vs. boys mash-up competition (s2e6). Then, in episode 14, Burt tells Kurt that he doesn’t want Kurt having boys sleep over in his bed, Kurt accuses Burt of being homophobic. Burt says that it’s not about that because he wouldn’t let Finn have girls sleep over in his room, but Kurt persists, asking him if that would make him uncomfortable, even though Burt had been nothing but supportive of Kurt since he came out (s2e14). When Burt has cancer and Kurt comes back to Lima in season 4 episode 22, he starts lashing out at people. First, he lashes out at Mike for bringing up the Tina Vaporape situation, and then he yells at Burt at his own doctor’s appointment for wearing a navy shirt. In season 6, Kurt gets very controlling about the glee club even though Rachel was the one who brought the club back. He fights Rachel on how to organize the sheet music (even though Rachel’s method makes more sense and his is wildly subjective) (s6e2) and what the lessons are/how to present them (s6e3). He also interrupted Santana’s proposal and was unnecessarily harsh when critiquing Mason and Jane’s performance because he’s upset about Blaine (s6e3). To list some smaller instances, Kurt also blackmails Karofsky with outing him (s2e18), snaps his fingers at waitstaff (s3e10), encourages Rachel to cheat on Finn (s4e2), and is incredibly jealous of Elliot (s4e15, s5e7). The way we see Kurt act around Blaine isn’t isolated and it’s deeply concerning.

Bow Ties and Hair Gel Symbolism

Blaine’s ties and hair gel are symbolic of his relationship with Kurt and his insecurities respectively (I know the hair gel wasn’t intentional but I noticed it, it works, so I’m using it, whereas I’m pretty sure the bow tie symbolism was intentional). First, let’s talk about bow ties. The first time we see Blaine in street clothes is in season 2 episode 14. It’s before Kurt and Blaine start dating, and Blaine doesn’t wear a bow tie. The first time we see Blaine in a bow tie is in season 3 episode 1. Blaine has just transferred to McKinley for Kurt, and their relationship is very strong. However, their relationship is still new, and thus the bow tie is not yet Blaine’s signature. But he wears one here to signify his commitment to Kurt and their relationship. He continues to wear bow ties frequently through season 3, but not religiously. However, he does wear them more and more as the season progresses. There are a few notable exceptions to this. The first is in episode 5. When Blaine meets Sebastian (and every time he interacts with him), he is wearing one. When they go to Scandals, Blaine is still wearing a bow tie, but when he’s dancing with Sebastian and then when they’re fighting afterward Blaine’s tie is undone, but still around his neck. Sebastian and the musical are managing to get in between Kurt and Blaine, but Blaine still loves and cares about Kurt. They just need to get back on the same page. The second is in episode 17. Blaine does not wear a single bow tie in this episode. He does, however, wear a necktie in the scene where Kurt is texting Chandler in the choir room. In fact, when he sings It’s Not Right but It’s Ok and when Kurt sings I Have Nothing, he’s wearing a collared shirt buttoned all the way up, outfits that would normally have a bowtie, emphasizing the lack of one.

In season 4, Blaine actually stops wearing bowties almost entirely. In episodes 1 and 2, Blaine wears a bow tie with several outfits, in keeping with how frequently he wore them in season 3, not with every outfit, but with one or two outfits per episode. However, in episode 3, we get the most overt use of the bow tie as a metaphor. Early in the episode, Blaine’s wearing bow ties with all of his outfits (the most he’s worn bow ties this season), even with his weird club costumes. He brings up how he and Kurt aren’t really in sync right now, but his bow ties indicate that he’s still very committed to that relationship. Then, Kurt and Blaine are talking, and Blaine is being very supportive of Kurt and his New York adventures. Blaine mentions that he’s running for student body president, and Kurt says that he forgot about that. Blaine then asks Kurt which bow tie he should wear for the debate, and Kurt brushes it off and pivots the conversation back to him. Blaine is clearly upset, but he goes along with Kurt. This scene uses bow ties to directly illustrate how Kurt is moving on, and how it’s hurting Blaine. He’s not supporting Blaine or hearing his concerns about the relationship, and it’s driving Blaine away. This is emphasized when at the debate, Sam tells Blaine he shouldn’t wear a bow tie, saying it makes him look uptight and telling him to take it off. Blaine even agrees that he looks better without it. This symbolizes the downfall of Blaine and Kurt’s relationship. Kurt’s ignoring Blaine, and it’s given Blaine doubts about the relationship. Blaine doesn’t wear a bow tie for the rest of the episode, as Kurt continues to ignore Blaine, even though Blaine getting elected. Blaine continues this pattern in episode 4, not wearing a single bow tie for the whole episode, and after the breakup, he only wears 3 bow ties in the entire rest of the season. He wears one at the Sadie Hawking’s dance, right after confessing his crush on Sam to Tina (s4e11) and one in the final song of season 4 episode 20, after having a moment with a guy at Sue’s exercise class. Notably, he doesn’t wear a bow tie to Will and Emma’s wedding, where he starts to reconnect with Kurt, he wears a necktie, but interestingly, Kurt wears a bow tie. Blaine even comments on it, saying, “You in this fey boy-tie. Dude, it’s my kryptonite”. He does, however, wear one later in that episode, after several leading conversations with Kurt. They’re not back together though, so Blaine doesn’t wear another bow tie until season 5 episode 1 (he also wears one in Kurt’s fantasy of Come What May, but Blaine isn’t actually wearing it, Kurt’s fantasy version of him is, which makes sense).

In season 5, he gets much more consistent with wearing bow ties. It’s now his signature, so when he doesn’t wear one, it’s usually significant, and if he doesn’t wear one at all in an episode it’s definitely significant. Even before he officially asks Kurt to get back together with him, Blaine is wearing bow ties with all of his outfits. After they get back together and get engaged, Blaine continues to wear bow ties with most of his outfits. Let’s briefly go through some important examples. In episode 7, Kurt and Blaine get into a fight because Blaine didn’t tell Kurt that he couldn’t come to his first Pamela Landsbury gig, and Blaine isn’t wearing a bow tie. In episode 14, Blaine doesn’t wear a single bow tie until after he and Kurt have the conversation about him moving out, and then he wears a bow tie with every outfit in the remainder of the episode. He also doesn’t wear any bow ties at all in episode 16. Even after Blaine and Kurt have their conversation about communication and trust, Blaine still doesn’t wear a bow tie, signaling that he still isn’t happy with the relationship or himself. In episode 18, Blaine wears a lot of bow ties early in the episode, including when June tells him to break up with Kurt, however, when he lies to Kurt about him being in June’s showcase, he isn’t wearing one. He continues not wearing bow ties in episode 19 and early episode 20, as June and his lie drive a wedge between them. However, in the reconciliation scene, Blaine is wearing a bow tie, as he offers to give up the showcase and Kurt forgives him. Blaine wears a bow tie at the showcase and when moving back in with Kurt, but not in the goodbye or the scene where Rachel confirms she’s leaving, perhaps foreshadowing the season 6 break up. Season 6 is when Blaine is actually most consistent in wearing bow ties, which is interesting because he isn’t even with Kurt for most of it. It shows how Blaine is still deeply in love with Kurt despite appearances of moving on. The only two really important scenes in season 6 are the breakup scene in episode 1 and the elevator scenes in episode 5. He isn’t wearing a bow tie in the breakup scene, which makes sense, but other than that, he’s seen wearing a bow tie with almost every outfit for the rest of the season (a mini exception is when he tries to completely switch it up in episode 2, which doesn’t really need analysis but is a good example of this symbolism in action), and every scene with Dave. The interesting part is the elevator scenes. Blaine starts out wearing a bow tie but undoes it while in the elevator. Previously, this had been used to represent an issue in their relationship, but I don’t think that’s what it represents here. Blaine has been carrying his love for Kurt with him into his new relationship, afraid to let go of the good, but also unable to let go of the pain he experienced during the relationship. It’s restricting him. Blaine undoing the tie but keeping it around his neck is him opening up to Kurt, allowing the restrictive aspect to go, without letting go of the love he still clearly feels.

Now, on to the speculative part, Blaine’s hair gel. Throughout the show, Blaine starts using more hair gel and suppressing his natural curl pattern even more. In season 2, Blaine's hair is gelled, but in a way that embraces his natural hair. You can still tell that he has curly hair underneath it all, and it reflects the relaxed, more confident, version of Blaine that we see at this point in the show (ex. s2e6). Kurt only reinforces Blaine’s insecurities, and this is demonstrated in season 3 episode 19. Blaine is worried about not being able to gel his hair for prom, and Kurt initially laughs at and dismisses Blaine’s concerns. Then, at prom, when Kurt first sees Blaine without hair gel, his first responses are, “Oh dear God,” and then laughing. He does eventually say that he wants to see the real Blaine, however, all of his actions leading up to this point don't support that, despite his knowledge of how insecure Blaine is. Blaine’s hair is used as a metaphor for Blaine letting his walls down within the episode, but the whole interaction is a metaphor for the way Kurt acts around Blaine for the entire show. He reinforces Blaine’s concerns and insecurities while saying with his words that he supports and loves him. Clearly, Blaine doesn’t believe that Kurt likes seeing him with his natural hair because, over the course of Blaine's relationship with Kurt, he tightens his hair even more. Slowly, his hair gets tighter and tighter to his scalp. Compare season 2 episode 6, to season 3 episode 5, to season 4 episode 1. We even see Blaine with gelled hair going to sleep and waking up when he's around Kurt (s4e4,s5e14, s5e16). Waking up with perfectly gelled hair is especially interesting because it implies that either Blaine is using some crazy strong hair gel to avoid his hair moving in the middle of the night, or that he's getting up putting hair gel in, and then getting back into bed, so Kurt doesn't see him with his natural hair. The only time we see Blaine with his natural hair, or even with more relaxed hair, are in episodes during the break up where Kurt isn’t seeing Blaine (s4e13, s4e17). It's the tightest in season 5 episode 14, which is also one of the episodes where Blaine is at his worst. He's struggling with his insecurities in a major way, and when he goes over to Elliott's house, his hair is basically Shellacked to his head (s5e14). It loosens a little bit in the next few episodes, however, there is no significant difference until season 6. It's still not back to where it was in season 2, however now that he and Kurt aren’t together anymore, he seems to have let his hair relax a little (ex s6e2). He even briefly stops gelling his hair after breaking up with Kurt. However, his insecurities run too deep and he starts doing it again. In the end, Blaine does stop gelling his hair, but he’s still unable to be his true self around Kurt and starts straightening his hair instead (s6e13). Blaine is never able to let go of his insecurities and be himself around Kurt, and both the symbolic and literal implications of this illustrate perfectly how terrible his relationship with Kurt is for Blaine.

Conclusion

In conclusion, Kurt and Blaine’s relationship isn’t healthy, and the responsibility is mostly on Kurt. Despite their chemistry and outward appearances, their relationship is toxic and potentially abusive. Kurt doesn’t care about Blaine, he cares about himself, and he’s willing to destroy Blaine’s life if it benefits him. Blaine, on the other hand, cares so deeply about Kurt that he doesn’t even care that their relationship is damaging to him. They struggle with even the basic communication and trust that a relationship needs, and seem to believe that love is the only thing they need to keep their relationship alive. Kurt is manipulative, cruel, and takes every opportunity to tear Blaine down so he can have power over him. He hates being vulnerable and needs to be able to exert control over Blaine. He uses Blaine’s insecurity and inexperience to assure that Blaine is as small and reliant on Kurt as possible. He holds Blaine’s every little mistake over Blaine’s head, refuses to take responsibility for any of their problems, and minimizes his own mistakes. Kurt is incredibly jealous, often unfoundedly, and yet calls Blaine unreasonable when he displays any signs of jealousy himself. Their relationship damages Blaine irreparably, to the point that comparing Blaine in season 2 to Blaine in season 6 shows two almost completely different people. But it doesn’t come out of nowhere, Kurt systematically and intentionally cuts Blaine down and turns him into the person he wants him to be. A person he can control. It is not random, it is not uncharacteristic for either of them and when their relationship is interpreted through this lens, explains a lot about how Blaine develops as a character. Even if their relationship isn’t abusive, it certainly isn’t good, and it shouldn’t be romanticized.

#glee #klaine #kurt hummel #blaine anderson #glee meta #glee headcanon #gleeposting 😔#just my opinion lol #but if anyone wants to fight me on this i do require that you read my full analysis first #just so you dont embarrass yourself #lol #im obviously not trying to cancel kurt or klaine or anything like that #i just want to point this out since i havent seen anyone mention it #and maybe encourage yall not to romanticize their relationship #sorry this took so long to write #asks #agronsland

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missinghan · 4 years ago

Text

「 what am I // stray kids 」

❖ genre : sci-fi; superpower au; platonic relationship au

❖ word count : 3,9k (bullet points only)

❖ warning : explicit language, most likely ain’t scientifically true at all

❖ summary : superpowers manifest in certain individuals once they hit puberty and naturally, those odd abilities will vanish as soon as adulthood occurs; but how will those teenagers protect themselves from the curiosity of science?

❖ a/n : this isn’t a proper fic since I don’t think I’ll actually write smth decent out of this but I don’t want the idea to rot inside my dungeon either- so yea, bear with me through this character intro post(?)

— bang chan ↠ locating ability-wielders & teleportation

· sometimes when he’s running errands for his parents, chan can feel a distinct ‘zing’ ins his bones if someone else with unusual abilities is nearby and can describe their power perfectly to the t; he ignores it at first but learns to make do with it eventually; can teleport another person with him and also needs to calculate carefully before teleporting because he once ends up in the middle of a freeway instead of school resulting from lack of sleep.

· looks intimidating but is the first to talk to a new kid in class and show them around as he’s president of the school’s student council; smiles and laughs a lot once you get to know him, and is also very caring, reliable.

· he wishes to apply for a music production company after his college graduation but his family turned the idea down almost immediately and sent him to a boarding school in Europe.

· chan starts taking notice in strange things at his new school after the first few weeks; for example: how they unreasonably force students to have a daily health checkup, how their food taste like medicine most of the times, teachers don’t really seem to care about what they’re teaching and some of his classmates mysteriously ‘move away’ whenever security shows up at their dorm in the middle of the night.

· after finding out where they actually are via photos of students being locked up inside cells, arms and legs chained up like domestic animals, injected with odd substances on a daily basis which were taken by an anonymous individual, chan secretly packs his stuff and decides to ditch this so-called boarding school for good.

· he works hard to hide his identity ensuing flying back to his hometown for a solid three weeks and the fact that there are more people cursed with supernatural abilities begins dawning onto him; cutting off contact with his family completely, moving from one crusty apartment to another every month, chan tackles this crazy idea of assembling a group consisted of extraordinary people to give him a hand with creating a safe environment for the ‘gifted’ youths.

— lee minho ↠ collapse

· law major, quite the loner, raised by a single mother; didn’t have much since little but his mother’s love and affection make up for everything.

· looks intimidating, is actually intimidating; the only person he talks to in college is his dance coach, doesn’t like school nor has many friends; his slightest glare is as cold as a wife trying to win custody of her children in court.

· minho can make his surroundings crumble and fall apart with his mind, which shouldn’t be confused with telekinesis since he can’t physically move objects to his will; this deadly power is triggered whenever he’s experiencing extremely negative emotions like fear or anguish and he’s not (still isn’t) very good at getting a hold of it.

· a group of suspicious men shows up at his house one day as he returns home from dance practice; they claim to be an agency looking for up and coming talents but by the way that his mother is staring at the ground nervously with her legs trembling, his institution tells him that something’s off.

· he firmly declines their offer with a stiff “I’m uncertain that I’m the talent you gentlemen are looking for, but you should know that when the cops are here to fill out their reports, I’m gonna be very helpful, as helpful as possible.”

· “what other random merry of fucking misdemeanors are going to pop up once they go through your records? domestic violence? illegal substances and weapons possession? human trafficking?”

· with a gun to her head, his mom scrambles to her knees and begs him to go with them, admitting that she’s already signed the contract; if he follows their orders and agrees to become an experimental subject, she won’t have to worry about any financial problems for the rest of her life.

· in the heat of the moment, they ultimately force him to activate his power for the very first time; as a result, his house collapses, the death of his only family and the group of men following suit.

· “I’m too late.”

· chan manages to find minho under the aftermath, severely injured and is hanging by a string of life so fragile that can only be saved after undergoing a twelve-hour operation at the hospital.

— seo changbin ↠ sound waves manipulation

· a good student, reputable within his social sphere at school, and comes from a pretty well-off family.

· changbin is able to bend and control sound waves to his advantage; whether it’s simply for his musical instruments or moving objects around, he can also use something as minor as his own heartbeat when he’s emotionally unstable; using the ability continuously for too long can give him severe migraines and potentially damage his brain to a degree if he’s not mindful of it.

· he stays up late at night to write and produce his own songs, keeping it a secret from his parents; posts his own songs on a SoundCloud account, or performs even live at a random underground club under the alias SpearB if he has the chance to.

· an organization full of outlaw scientists comes across a video of his performance on the web, analyzing how he can enhance the beat, his vocal cords without the help of any form of technology, and just like that, he easily tops the list of their targets.

· having no choice but to do what they want when those men hold his parents hostage inside his family’s mansion, changbin gets sent to the same boarding school as chan but they’re being observed in different buildings for his power is on the more useful and dangerous side; hence, his classes consist of a smaller amount of students and they are put through checkups more constantly.

· he doesn’t really pay attention to the skepticisms that reek off all over the place as he’s too busy being homesick and studying because he fully believes that the harder he works, the more obediently he acts, the sooner they’ll let him go; all hell breaks loose when those photos are scattered everywhere, from the hallways to the bathrooms; changbin takes advantage in the riot to get himself out of there as quickly as he can possibly run to the airport.

· changbin swears to never trust anyone again until chan and minho find him sleeping inside an abandoned grocery store with a pistol inside his sleeping bag, two daggers concealed in his sleeves at all times.

· “are we seriously going to contain some headass who was this close to blowing my brain out of my head?”

· “huh, funny, last time I checked, you almost smothered me to death under a gigantic block of cement when I was trying to save your life.”

· “who are you guys and how the hell did you get in here? I don’t recall not locking the door.”

— hwang hyunjin ↠ permeation & memory manipulation

· a true theater kid, meaning he knows almost everyone but every single student at school knows him; naturally, becomes the Prince after playing one too many male lead roles because of his godly features; rather well-mannered and diligent though he doesn’t look like it.

· mistaken to be a player by every new batch of freshmen that only ever gets to watch him practicing his lines from afar, swooning tremendously whenever he ties up his hair; always carries a camera around, doesn’t like to have too many friends but if you get close enough, he’s probably the most fun to be around, won’t ever judge your questionable life choices.

· hyunjin’s ability allows him to walk right through walls as well as any other solid matters but it will drain his stamina painstakingly, causing him to run short on breaths after using his power to change his costumes faster between scenes; the thicker the wall is, the more strength it takes for him to pass through completely.

· he can also erase a certain chunk of memory from someone’s mind but he needs to physically touch them; has only used this ability one time to wipe his existence out of a childhood best friend’s mind before moving away from his hometown.

· his interest in photography sparks the moment his uncle comes back from a business trip and gives him a toy camera, it’s nowhere near the real ones but the ten-year-old hwang hyunjin sure takes it very, very seriously; after a decade or so, he has replaced it with cameras that actually work and developed quite the talent for taking photos of sceneries and people (jisung is his number one victim but he can’t care less as long as he looks decent and that hyunjin won’t save any crack ones to blackmail him).

· suddenly gets a sketchy summer scholarship to a boarding school in London (the same so-called school that Chan and Changbin went to), his mom encourages him to go after looking it up on the internet without knowing the chances of her own son being exploited for twisted science is shockingly high.

· and the culprit who takes those photos during a wandering around school after curfew is none other than hyunjin himself; he knows damn well posting those photos means getting himself into trouble but heck, his conscience forbids him to leave this hell-on-earth place without alerting these innocent people.

· so the night before those photos are spread everywhere, in every corner, every edge of the building, hyunjin smashes his camera completely with a baseball bat and burns the broken bits in the school backyard; he tries getting through those sleep-deprived men in their fifties who aren’t likely paid enough with his ability and flees.

· surprisingly, he comes rushing into his best friend’s house right after his horrendous flights only to find him being surrounded by three mysterious men.

— han jisung ↠ plunder

· the jokester of the class, takes great joy in stressing the living daylights out of his professors with irrational questions that aren’t necessarily relevant to the lesson, procrastinates, and sleeps through lessons like there’s no tomorrow but still keeps that shiny ‘A’ on his report card nonetheless.

· being friends with hyunjin results in occasional admirers here and there for him but he does kinda have his own fandom base after being pulled upstage out of the blue in the middle of last year’s spring music festival, musing him an opportunity to show off his rapping skills; because of that event, he takes writing music more seriously with the stage name J.One.

· if jisung is being honest, he hardly uses his power since it’s basically taking over anyone’s body and mind for a maximum of five seconds meanwhile his own body is immobile; and if any physical effects occur (for example, a basketball hits him on the head spontaneously), he’s obligated to endure that pain for that person until they become conscious of their own body again.

· he’s not a creep, he swears.

· and who knows? what if his body gets kidnapped within those five seconds?

· hyunjin and jisung know about each other’s ability but don’t really discuss nor talk about them because they don’t find walking through walls or temporarily possessing someone’s body cool.

· well, that’s that until chan, minho and changbin show up at his house the same day when hyunjin returns from his summer exchange program with a cut lip and bruised knuckles.

· “han jisung, you’re going to have to come with us unless you want to live inside a cage for the rest of your life.”

· “I’m sorry, are you threatening me?”

· “we’re trying to protect you, smartass, you’re far too dangerous to be roaming the streets so freely.”

· “....me? I’m dangerous?”

· jisung not knowing the slightest bit about his own ability downright baffles chan—he’s only scratched the surface of it at this point; his true potential is if he’s taking over another ability-wielder’s body, he will then take their power for himself; and jisung can’t remember the last time he properly uses it either.

— lee felix ↠ imperfect invisibility

· initially lives in Australia but after finding out about his ability, he moves to Seoul with his parents to live a quieter, more covered-up life without being surrounded by too many relatives.

· an absolute sweetheart, smart, kind, honest, a little slow to read in between the lines at times; can concentrate relatively well on an empty stomach, but gets drowsy quickly after eating, especially big meals.

· lix is also homeschooled up until high school in order to avoid any unwanted situation; later on, applies for a course that can be taken online for the most parts at an average-ish university to not draw so much attention.

· since he stays at home most of the time, he spends lots of time playing different video games, experiences random cooking recipes without burning the house down, and teaches himself how to dance through online tutorials, getting awfully good at it fast partially thanks to his natural flexibility.

· he can disappear from a single person’s field of vision for as long as he wants to but it’s still limited and considered flawed since felix can only disappear from the sight one person of his choice at a time; although it can come in quite handy whenever he gets shoved into a dark alleyway by random people varying from cheap pickpockets with a box-cutting knife to muscular men dressed in black.

· learns boxing during middle school so he can still kick asses to preserve his own life.

· felix once punches jisung in the gut and slaps hyunjin in the face with a cabbage after seeing them follow each and every one of his movements the moment he steps out of the supermarket—he’s got used to listening to people’s footsteps over time.

· “okay, first of all, ow, and second of all, why did I get the punch and he got the cabbage?!”

· “oh, don’t be such a baby.”

· “you two don’t look like those balding dudes in money-dripping black suits...what are you on? crack? what do you want from me? money? food?”

· “of course we’re not balding men in their forties! I take personal offense to that! and please, who do you take me as? a total creep who only ever knows how to follow people with his stupid sidekick tagging along for background noises?”

· “HEY! I NEVER AGREED TO BE YOUR SIDEKICK!”

· “well, it’s time you fucking did then, han.”

· “you know, I suppose this is the part where you two put me to sleep with some kind of drug and bring me back to your excuse of a headquarter.”

· “oh, did you bring the anesthetic pills?”

· “I thought Changbin gave it to you, no?”

— kim seungmin ↠ time-leap

· born in a middle-class family, very studious but also enjoys playing baseball during retreats, takes time to open up to people so he has more acquaintances than close friends but he doesn’t mind, that way he has more time for himself.

· definitely and never will be the kid who lets his classmates take advantage of his wit, he does do a good chunk of every group project but makes sure everyone has at least one decent thing to do (low-key loves bossing people around); can be pretty distant at first, but he just weirds people out after getting closer and doesn’t hold grudges.

· seungmin is capable of bringing himself back to a specific past event to alter the future outcome though it won’t work most of the time unless he really, really has to for safety purposes or the situation gets out of hands; time-leaping won’t activate if he wants to retake a test but works like a charm when he tries to save a kid on the street from a car accident.

· actually does deep, proper research into other ability-wielders and often stays in school during nighttime to read the news, articles or anything that he can find on the web to learn about how that one cryptic boarding school in Europe that’s accused of abusing their students got shut down all of a sudden, the students never return and family members never bother to look for them.

· hence, he adapts to hiding his ability and himself fairly well—never takes the late-night buses, doesn’t try to become close and bond with other people, asks his parents to change the door lock every month, burns bills each time he purchases something but he tries not to go out as much as possible.

· seungmin has seen hyunjin use his power once by accident but decided to say nothing about it; eventually finds chan’s headquarter (which is just his crusty apartment) by following jisung and hyunjin after their practice hour, baffles them all a little but joins in no time.

· after asking hyunjin to erase his parents’ memory about himself, seungmin gives everyone a hand for their plan of building a school and campus, completely safe and under the radar for other ability welders until their adolescence is over; he time-leaps back to back in order to collect as much information about lottery tickets as he can.

· another flaw occurs when he travels to the past for the third time: his eyesight gets weaker and weaker every time he time-leaps so he starts wearing glasses as a temporary resolution but chan stops him when he tries to do it for the fifth time, saying that they would rather work hard for a little longer than have seungmin lose his vision forever.

· after over a year or so, they successfully repurchase an education organization and officially establish an exclusive academy for ability-wielders, reaching out to those individuals before scientists can get a hold of them.

— yang jeongin ↠ superhuman speed

· the quiet kid who most likely won’t talk unless the teacher asks him to answer a question or someone tells him to let them copy his homework; has his earbuds in most of the time to pretend he can’t hear what people are saying so he won’t have to interact with them.

· joins after you when chan finds him hitting a wall head-on at an abnormal speed while trying to save a kitten in the middle of the streets.

· jeongin has extremely enhanced agility and reflexes but he still lacks accuracy for he is naturally a clumsy person; therefore, changbin tells him to wear a protective layer under his uniform so even in the worst-case scenario, he can jump off a building and make it out with minor scratches.

· reluctantly buys lunch for every member of the student council (aka 00 liners + you) on a daily basis although he can’t really see which kind of sandwiches he’s grabbing at and they end up being mushy most of the time.

· and for those people who say his resting face is scary, he’s mainly just frustrated because of his friends.

· also usually is the one who returns with the most injuries because of his own ability—he always flees like his life depends on it to save jisung’s ass from being hit by a truck and hyunjin’s camera from being crushed (the sole purpose of the student council will be explained more thoroughly later).

· has single-handedly saved everyone inside a bookstore when a sudden fire breaks out.

· minho scolds him and felix a lot for spending too much time at the arcade after school instead of doing their required tasks.

· acts all tough and mature since he’s the youngest of the squad, loves to make fun of jisung for his height but still is and probably will always be a complete child who hates eating vegetables with a passion; gets yelled at a lot whenever there’s a BBQ party since he only ever eats meat.

· “corn? why are we raiding the Asian market for corn at one AM?”

· “an outdoor, wholesome BBQ isn’t complete without corn, duh.”

· “do you want to get us caught?!”

· “oh please, they’re going to show up either way.”

· “YOU’RE NOT MAKING ANY SENSE!”

— y/n (reader) ↠ telepathic manipulation

· president of the student council, stubborn, slightly less bossy than seungmin, appears to be apathetic and cranky mainly because you can’t sleep that well; with that being said, you don’t feel too tired during ungodly hours when people are tossing around in the comfort of their bed but snap at irritating people a lot in the morning if they’re making too much noise.

· your ability allows you to control people to your will, from something as meaningless as slamming their head through a wall to life-threatening actions like forcing them to point a knife at their own throat; it’s somewhat similar to jisung’s power though you don’t have to physically feel what your target is going through and you don’t need to worry about taking over their body.

· the only downside to it is that you easily fall asleep the moment you set your target free.

· minho is the one who gets you out of the laboratory where your parents were working on a huge, secret project about individuals with supernatural abilities for an unknown organization; you’re unfortunate enough to become their first-ever experimental subject which only nourishes resentment slowly, gnawing at your sanity while you’re dreading each day behind those cold metal bars.

· perhaps joining the student council is what makes your life less depressing, perhaps; you’re far too busy facepalming at the beautiful monstrosity of their friendship and feeding them ensuing returning to the dorm after school since those boys only know how to eat, cooking is too much for them to comprehend (albeit felix).

· when your family was still… normal, your parents sent you to martial art classes every weekend so like felix, you don’t actually need your power to save yourself from some random mobsters on the streets.

· you’re also the only person who eats vegetables properly and even tries to incorporate more fiber into their diets but as always, they never listen, especially hyunjin when it comes to green onions.

· don’t have the best reputation in the academy because the idea of letting the new girl with a seemingly useless ability become president of the student council isn’t very appealing to many people, and it doesn’t help when every member of the council is exclusively allowed to drop out in the middle of a class to ‘collect’ any ability-wielders that chan manages to locate that day since he’s always worn out with changbin and minho from boring paperwork as well as other businessy stuff.

· even when your ability is considered almost perfect, you’ve only used it once when you thought minho was going to sell you off to another place and almost made him put a bullet through his own brain; you’ve refrained yourself from using it since that day.

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qqueenofhades · 4 years ago

Note

I was hoping you would be able to help me form a response when my family says they're sick of hearing of systemic racism and white privilege because THEY have had to work for everything and believe nothing got handed to them (true in the way they're thinking, but you know what I mean).

Welp. First, I applaud you for taking the initiative to engage in difficult conversations with your family, since the only way embedded racist ideas are going to get confronted in white society is if racist white people hear it from their friends and family. They are going to cheerily ignore protestors, academics, newsreaders, popular culture, and certainly politicians who say anything to the contrary, but it’s harder to ignore and brush aside when it’s coming from people who are directly within your own family group. They can still then ignore it, but at least you’re trying to do something that is not at all fun but which is deeply necessary, and good for you.

First, there are a few things for you to consider. Is this a case where they actually don’t know the difference, but are willing to learn, or is this essentially sealioning (where they act like they don’t know the difference, but they absolutely do, and put the emotional labor on you to extensively define and explain and educate while never intending to change their stances on anything). If it’s the former, then there is some point in engaging in dialogue with them. If it’s the latter, it’s a giant emotional trap that you are within your rights not to engage with until they signal that they’re willing to engage productively. You don’t have to educate someone who is categorically unwilling to be educated (especially when it’s often deliberate ignorance). As people like to say, Google is free, and it’s their responsibility to take the first steps to change. You can continue to talk with them, but yes, that is contingent on them actually standing a chance of listening to you and not just you wearing yourself out on something that they don’t want to actually hear (because it threatens them and makes them feel Personally Wrong, and white people don’t like that).

There have been various books written on why it’s so hard to talk to white people about racism, which you may be interested in checking out, not least the book "Why I’m No Longer Talking to White People About Race” by Renni Eddo-Lodge. Ibram X. Kendi has also written “How to Be An Antiracist,” one of the bestselling books of this summer, either of which would be useful either in shaping your own arguments or (if they’re receptive) giving to your family. Once again, this is contingent on them signalling that they’re actually willing to listen, and not just to make you do pointless emotional labor. These books are probably available from your public library (though there’s probably a waitlist) or in other easily available formats.

Next, it’s a basic tenet of an anti-racist education that white people have never had to do this kind of reckoning, and thus get whiny, defensive, guilt-tripping, and “it’s not about ME I’m a GOOD PERSON” when it comes up. This also rests on the damaging and deeply intertwined effects of racism and classism, which has to be understood if you’re going to talk about it. One of the greatest tricks that racist capitalism ever pulled is convincing poor white people that they had more in common with their filthy rich white masters (people whose way of life will never in a thousand years be anything like each other’s) simply because they shared the inherent racial “purity” of being white. There have been political studies written on how poor/undereducated/working class white people have become such a reliably Republican constituency, because they have been successfully manipulated to believe that the white overlords are their “people” and they will constantly vote against their own economic, social, and cultural interests in favor of enriching amoral white demagogues who beat the populist xenophobic drum. Then they blame black and brown people for society’s ills and for the reason that they stay poor, rather than the rampaging oligarchs awarding themselves massive tax breaks and billion-dollar bailouts and refusing to extend unemployment benefits in case people “make too much money” from not working, just to name the most recent example. They are so poisoned on populist politics and white supremacy, which assures them that they’re better than anyone else by virtue of being white, that they actively attack politicians and policy platforms and other social welfare initiatives that would materially improve their own lives as “un-American.” This is maddening and sometimes baffling, but it’s how it works. Whiteness trumps all, currently literally thanks to the Orange Fuhrer. Problems in life are the fault of the Other.

This isn’t to say that poor white people are “dumb” and just unable to realize it, because they’re caught in a system that has done this literally from the start of America. In the early 17th century, indentured laborers and slaves in the American colonies were in fact more likely to be white. (The word “slave” comes from “Slav,” since that was the predominant ethnicity of slaves in medieval Europe; i.e. white eastern Europeans.) But even despite the fact that they were unpaid laborers, they were still white and thus recognized as human by their white masters, and thus when slave ships began arriving, it was easier for everybody to simply outright demonize and dehumanize the black African slaves. The poor white indentured servants got to feel better than the black slaves simply for the fact of their whiteness. Their lives obviously sucked, but their whiteness was in fact a mitigating factor in the suckiness that it involved once it was easier to use “animalistic” black people. And we wonder why America can’t ever confront its racist history properly. As Kendi calls it in his other book, it is stamped from the beginning.

As it has been put before, white people can and often do have difficult lives, because late-stage capitalism devours its workers no matter what color they are, but their whiteness isn’t a factor in why their lives are difficult. They will never encounter racial prejudice, race-based hate crime, discrimination for housing, education, employment, bank loans, daily microaggressions and identity erasure, constantly racist tropes in the media, politicians fingering them as everything wrong with America/the world, casual prejudices or assumptions even from close friends, assumed criminality based just on their race -- etc etc. The list goes on and on. Just because you have a hardscrabble economic background does not mean that your life has been made harder by your race -- because if you’re white, it hasn’t. (And as noted, poor white people have consistently voted for megalomaniac white men who don’t give a shit about them but promise them that everything is fine or should be better for them because of their whiteness, and then blame minorities for being the source of their problems.)

I honestly wonder if racism would still be such a problem in America if we had a remotely more equitable economic system, because when you’re well off and have your basic needs consistently met and don’t need to worry that you’re one paycheck away from disaster, it’s harder to constantly be paranoid that your differently colored neighbors are stealing everything from you and the cause of all society’s ills. The historian Patrick Hyder Patterson wrote a very interesting book on material culture in Yugoslavia in the 20th century, where he basically argued that despite the spectacular collapse of the federation into the Yugoslavian wars of the 90s, things didn’t really go to hell until after the economy crashed following Josip Broz Tito’s death in 1980. While there were obviously ethnic fault lines and conflicts between Serbs, Croats, Montenegrins, Bosniaks, Albanians, etc, when there wasn’t any money and any jobs and everyone thought everyone else was to blame, THAT is when the whole thing blew up into a genocidal civil war clusterfuck. Food for thought.

This is why people talk about economic justice and racial justice as going hand in hand. When there is a scarcity of resources and no social safety net, people are obviously more inclined to look for scapegoats and to blame someone for taking their entitlement (while still somehow refusing to blame the billionaires and corporate oligarch who are ACTUALLY stealing from them). They indeed actively resist any attempts to make their own lives better as being “socialist” or “un-American” and take pride in the fact that there’s absolutely jacksquat nothing (until of course, something like the coronavirus pandemic hits and it’s revealed just how many of us were always one missed paycheck away from disaster). Then when they need government assistance (while disdaining the government as tyrannical the rest of the time, unless it’s Trump’s actively tyrannical lot, but hey, we don’t have time to unpack all that) it’s still shameful and something they shouldn’t be using, instead of their basic entitlement to a decent life.

This country is poisoned on a lot of toxic beliefs, but this is one of the deepest-running one, and which will always get in the way of poor white people dealing with racism: their lives suck, but they have ALWAYS been told that despite that, they’re still better just for being white, which is their consolation prize for supporting white populists who actively rob them, and they haven’t even always consciously registered that. They just feel that if they’re “fine,” even if they’re not fine, then black people are just malcontents and criminals who can’t hack it. In 2016, there was a lot of ink spilled over how poor white people felt a sense of economic grievance and being left behind, which was why they voted for Trump, but... Trump was never going to do a damn thing about that??? He doesn’t actually do anything for his supporters except feed them his jingoistic Orange Nazi stump speeches. They voted for Trump to feel vindicated, not to actually improve their lives, and it’s damn clear by now that not only has he NOT improved their lives, he has no desire to do so. He just wants them to cheer for him and feed his ego, not fix any problems.

Basically, racism and capitalism and the American political system intersect in multiple deeply toxic ways to do precisely what you’re talking about; producing poor white people who feel that they shouldn’t be included in the reckoning with racism because if THEY worked hard and they don’t live in a mansion, somehow racism is fake and black people should just shut up and get a job etc etc. This is because poor white people have been systematically conditioned to support white supremacy at the direct expense of their own economic and social interests; it’s terrible, but that’s how it functions. They will never in a million years have anything in common with the (white) ruling class, but they still instinctively identify with them rather than people in their own deprived economic class who are different races or colors or religions. That is how white supremacy has supported the hyper-inequality of the industrial age, and vice verse, and it is one of capitalism’s best functions for survival, so it’s in the interests of the overlords to maintain it. Stop the workers from recognizing pan-racial solidarity based on economic grievance, and compete with each other and blame each other rather than the overarching system, easy!

Anyway. Once again, this is long. But in short, the attitudes your family are exemplifying are a direct result of both racism and classism as they have been deliberately cultivated in the American social and political system, and the interlocking causes and symptoms of both have to be recognized (and acknowledged) before they can get to dealing with that. I don’t know how that will go, and I don’t have an easy shortcut. But I’m glad you’re trying. Good luck.

#politics for ts #history of racism #long post #anonymous #ask

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letsunity · 3 years ago

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Not Afraid - Chapter 3

Summery -

The Bad Batch go to Tatooine to resupply and avoid the Empire. As per the usual, Omega gets separated from the group. Fortunately for her, Krayt's Claw just so happens to be nearby. Bossk and Embo guide her to Boba Fett, who takes interest in why the Kaminoans want her. It's a reluctant partnership, with the Bad Batch having to rely on Krayt's Claw to navigate non-military life.

When it came to hunting, it's good to start small and work your way up. This lot were soldiers, so at least they already had training. Omega didn't, so they'd have to work on that. Being a usual child, she'd get into trouble, so she needs to learn how to protect herself.

A relatively safe place is Lothal, a minor planet nobody cared for. Because no one cared for it, it was a good spot for hunters to refuel and get some supplies. The kid gets to look around, too, which was a bonus. She couldn't be dad's clone, so he wanted to know who her template was.

There's also a connection; he could feel her more than most people. It was a sixth sense kind of thing, knowing people's feelings and such. He didn't talk about it, given that it gave him an advantage over adversaries. It also told him when to be wary around his comrades, as the concept of loyalty is very different in the hunting world.

Whatever it was, he knew that his father had it too. Dad could feel things and react to them, to the point where Boba didn't need to talk sometimes.

There was the possibility of Arla.

Jango had a sister in his original family but assumed her dead. If they had a sliver of her DNA, then that could've been used to make Omega. It was only a theory, but ignoring any possibility was stupid. For all he knew, she's a combination; the Kaminoans can certainly do it.

"Embo, you're babysitting."

Knowing how Dengar could get, the Kyuzo wasn't going to argue. The man had a habit of causing unmitigated chaos when left unsupervised. It was useful, but when not working, it was a pain. Marrok snarled at Dengar, shaking his head at the man's poor smell.

"Out of all planets, what's with this one?" Hunter inquired, noticing a settlement a mile away.

"In communities like this, there's always trouble. Where there's trouble, someone is willing to pay for it to disappear," Bossk answered, attaching his blaster to his back. "You're good with droids, but how're you with people?"

In the clone wars, they fought droids. They were trained to be ruthless with droids. When it came to people, however, they didn't have as much experience. People aren't as durable as droids, so they could seriously hurt someone without meaning to. Knowing how to restrain themselves was important.

"Highslinger can guard the ships; he isn't overly fond of crowds. One of your guys can go with Embo and Dengar to get food, the rest with us."

"I get to come?" Omega beamed, to which the Trandoshan grinned. Boba tossed his helmet to her, watching her investigate the design. "What's this for?"

"You've got a bounty, and people have eyes everywhere. That'll keep your identity hidden, and it's durable enough to take a blaster rifle. Stick with us, and it'll be fine," Boba said, feeling disapproval from the Batch. "Sheltering her is only going to make it easier to catch her. She's going to learn somehow, better early than later."

While Hunter didn't want Omega in danger, she had a habit of getting in trouble anyway. The helmet was a little big on her, but she was certainly obscured.

She could see clearly with the helmet, and it sealed around her neck, making it airtight. It filtered the air, keeping it fresh and safe. She couldn't smell anything, but Omega was ok with that. She could tag along and help instead of getting in the way.

Wrecker complimented her, calling her a little soldier.

"You're confident she'll be fine," Echo noted, disliking the look he got from the teenager. "What? What're you staring at?"

"I thought you were familiar. Everyone's heard about the 'Hero of Anaxes'. The one that escaped the Techno Union and used their own bullshit against them. It won't help much, but I doubt a traitor would do that."

As expected, the pale clone was heavily disturbed. Boba knew that he felt guilty over it, even though that didn't make much sense. It's like blaming a blaster for shooting somebody.

"We did that too!" Wrecker cheered, punching Bossk's shoulder. "We blew shit u-AH!"

Bossk punched him back, harder than he intended.

A thing many people forget is that Trandoshans and Wookies are natural enemies. Trandoshans are capable of being in a fistfight with a Wookie and potentially win. Puny clone trooper armour isn't going to protect against something like that. It made Wrecker excited, knowing he can brawl with someone without restraining himself.

Hunter didn't want them to get attached to this lot; it was a reluctant partnership. Walking with them made him constantly anxious, given how they aren't the honourable sort. The moment they deemed it necessary, they'd turn on Hunter in a second.

Their boss was Hunter's age, though he aged slower. The Bad Batch had been in the field for nearly four years; he's been out here his whole life. The only thing making them allies was the blonde question mark. As soon as Boba got his answers, there was no telling what he'd do.

He has leverage regarding the underworld, but Hunter has something to make the teen need him. If the hunters needed them, then they won't consider betraying them.

"What do you know about Order 66?" Hunter inquired, expecting the boy not to know.

As he did with Echo, the teen looked through him, like he was peering into Hunter's soul. He appeared amused, although Hunter couldn't imagine what he found so funny.

"No point being shy about it, Sarge. What've you got that I'd be interested in?"

So much for being sneaky about it. He'll figure this kid out, preferably sooner than later.

"Inside of every clone is a chip. Once activated, it makes you follow orders, regardless of loyalties. It's why the clone troopers turned on the Jedi," he stated, watching Omega skip around the grass.

Bossk and Wrecker were casually wrestling around, getting filthy and messing about. Echo was keeping Omega away from their frolicking, and Boba wasn't fazed by it. He was more interested in Hunter's revelation.

"Fuck that. Nobody's in charge of me except for me. The girl has one as well?"

He hadn't even considered that possibility. Sure, it was entirely likely that she had her own inhibitor chip, maybe with a different code. Once again, more questions that'll be dangerous to answer.

"Probably. We haven't been affected because of our mutations, and you're already aware of Echo. We had someone else with us, but his chip worked."

"Whose to say that they aren't? It could be acting slower for you."

"Which is why we're trying to deactivate them. When we do ours, we can save our friend, maybe save all of the troopers."

"And the ones that side with the Empire anyway?"

"We'll blow up that bridge when we come to it."

"Already talking like a Bounty Hunter, Sarge."

Alright, maybe the kid wasn't so bad after all.

"You don't have to call me Sarge."

"Listen, Jungle Ramclone; I do what I want. If I want to acknowledge your rank, I will. If you earn a title, you keep the damn thing."

That was the first time someone threateningly called him a Sergeant.

It didn't take too long to arrive at the settlement, a small town. People lived peacefully in a bustling market, trading goods and leading mundane but comfortable lives. Cut used to have a life like this before the Empire ruined it, and it was only a matter of time before the same happened here.

While Hunter wanted it for Omega, it wasn't the life she wanted. She wanted to stay with them, to be a part of their team. Learning how to look after herself would make matters easier. The more experience she had, the less that Hunter had to worry. He'd always worry, but at least he'd be comforted knowing that she could manage alone.

Running into Krayt's Claw could've been the best thing to happen to her. They had connections now, guides who can give them a footing in the galaxy. The dark secrets that the Republic fought to uncover was readily available for them. He didn't intend for this to last, but it provided options.

Maybe becoming a group of hunters was their best option, considering that civilian life doesn't suit them. They're warriors to the bone; combat was engineered in them. Becoming mercenaries with a strict moral code was something to look into.

While observing the various stalls, Hunter took notice of a Sakiyan causing trouble. Duty-bound, the Sergeant stepped in, getting between the man and the young woman. She had an infant in her arms, only a day or so old. The Sakiyan wasn't intimidated until Wrecker walked up behind him, glaring through his helmet.

His presence was enough to send the thief running, not wanting to be on the clone's anger. Hunter helped the woman stand, being careful of her infant child.

"Thank you, kind sirs," she smiled, looking over her baby. He had a small tuft of black hair reminiscent of stubble. "How may I repay you?"

"No problem. Just keep that little one alright, and it's all good," Wrecker smiled, forgetting that she couldn't see it. "If anyone needs a hand, we're gonna give it!"

The baby squirmed at the loud noise, opening a pair of lavender-blue eyes. He looked to hunter, gurgling slightly. Unsure of what to do, Hunter gave a short wave, not used to infants.

"Ezra likes you," she smiled, kissing her baby's forehead. "My name is Mira. If you need some help, come and find me. You're more than welcome in the Bridger home."

And like that, they made an ally. Wrecker felt good, and Hunter had a hunch that the kid would grow into someone special. It was just a feeling; he had something similar about Omega.

Said girl was with Echo, exploring the market with Bossk watching like a hawk. The Trandoshan bought her some fruit, slightly overpaying for it. Hunter started to decipher the reason for this behaviour.

By proving themselves to be generous and kind, the people would be more cooperative. They'd enjoy engaging with such 'honourable' gentlemen, even though they were violent by profession. Boba alone decimated a Star Destroyer at Omega's age, which could be why he had so much faith in her.

Hunter should have more faith in her, too. She was inexperienced, not a fragile piece of glass.

"Build a relationship, provide a financial reward, and you've got yourself a spy," Boba smirked, chewing on some dried meat.

That's what he meant by eyes everywhere. Hunter assumed droids or cameras, but no, he meant average citizens. Anyone was a potential spy for a bounty hunter, the variety ensuring their secrecy. The entire town could be spies for anyone, even the likes of Fennec.

Omega needs to keep that helmet on until she gets her own. Keeping themselves obscure would be wise, too. Their armour is easily recognisable; they can't disappear if everyone knows what they look like.

The teenager nodded as he tossed some to Wrecker, who practically inhaled the meat.

"You're starting to get it."

While it was creepy how the kid knew his feelings, it also made things easier. Boba could feel his intentions, possibly explaining why he was helping. He threw a piece to Hunter, casually re-joining Bossk, Echo and Omega as the girl held a fuzzy loth-cat toy. Bossk repeated the action from before, complimenting the Rodian working there.

He was manipulating the woman. By appearing so sweet with a kid, it'd make her reluctant to tattle.

There was a lot more to this profession than even the Senate could ever realise. He wanted to know more about it.

#the bad batch #fanfic #Not Afraid fic #bossk #bossk and boba fett #boba fett and Hunter #ezra cameo lol #bounty hunter culture #give omega a fucking helmet or armour already!

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seyaryminamoto · 4 years ago

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Anon-Nemesis - Right, I’ve got some free time, so I’ll have to make this a quickie, but I thought about my answers while at a boring family lunch thing.

Favorite Character: Ozai (The way you write him anyway, he’s pretty meh in canon))

Least Favorite Character (one who’s constantly there): I do have a few less than liked minor characters, but none of them are “Constantly There” So I have no good answer for this.

Favorite “Antagonist”: Ozai & Ol’ Spooky (Seethus) Lets face it, Ozai is the big papa of baddies, quite literally, and Ol’ Spooky spooked me good in his arc, at least till Azula and Xin handed him his own ass on a golden platter. I’m listing them together because you sort of portray them as a team where Seethus is just an extension of Ozai’s will personified (I might’ve picked Zhao too, but he hasn’t actively opposed our main duo too much so far, so instead I will pick)

Favorite OC: Rui Shi, duh. The guy has been there nearly from the start and has had Azula back even back in the early days when she was quite a jerk and hadn’t been, uh, tamed by Sokka (lol, not my best choice of words but I’m sticking to it, Azula might find the idea privately amusing these days but would kill me for sure for saying it like that) I feel like Goro would be high on this list, as would Ol’ Spooky, but we seen too little interaction with either for me to list them.

Favorite Gladiator: Aside from Sokka and Toph; My fav is The Millennium Dragon. Runners up The Alchemist (Well his sponsor is more interesting than him) Special Shout Out to the Dart Slayer, he jobbed so hard he got Sokka recruited (Was it Dart Slayer? Shit, it was so long ago) and a last conflicted entry, Rhone, I like what he represents (Basically Evil Sokka) but I don’t like him as a person, the dude is a straight asshole who needs a good thrashing.

Favorite Suitor or a Suitor I wished would make moves on Azula: Toph, I don’t mean in a shipping sense, but just Toph could mess with Azula and offer to marry her as a joke or something. Azula’s reaction would be priceless. A more serious answer, Zhao, He may be a douche, but I kind of like the guy in Gladiator, he’s not quite morally grey, but he does seem to only want the best for Azula, or his idea of the best, which ain’t actually the best for her.

Most Relatable Character: The young dude who works the desk at the Royal Dome, Shouji I think its spelled, such a timid little fellow, yet so composed since he’s always coming face to face with some of humanities mightiest people, the Gladiators, and scummiest people, sponsors. Plus he knows his business and does his job effectively. Supporting Sokka’s career is also nice. Also, special shout out to Keno. Wait, who was he again? Ah nevermind, probably nobody important. Anyway, where was I? …

Character I’d like to see more: Ol’ Spooky, mainly, that creeper really fascinates me, Its funny how he and Azula are frightened of eachother even though Azula would effortlessly waste his ass. I want to know how Ozai keeps the loyalty of someone that dangerous. Is he even human? Or some ancient fire spirit? He’s one of the biggest mysteries you’ve got going. Goro is one I really hope you develop, He’s got a nice fatherly, or grandfatherly vibe that could be a much needed point of stability for Azula in part 3.

Favorite Canon (Gladiator canon)Pairing: Main Duo aside, Rui and Song were my number 1, but lately Ozai/Ursa has stolen it (Even though Ursa is gone.

Favorite Non-Canon Pairing: I can only come up with joke pairings I’m afraid, but. One sided Ty Lee X Ozai (The mental image of Mr. propper n serious, but buff, handsome Firelord with that bubbly bundle of joy hanging off his arm, bugging him to take her somewhere fun. I can’t stop laughing, he just wants her to get lost, and Azula is deeply worried about her friend’s sanity) Azula X O'l Spooky, or Azula X Sparky Sparky Boom Man (No matter which way you slice it, its one big, powerful and passionate fire storm, loud and explosive, silent and deadly, and each hella destructive) Okay fine, I’m only thinking of their bending, not the characters themselves. Sokka X Boomerang/Sword/Club (Wholesome until you realize he’s having a foursome with his own armory. Hell, let’s throw Azula into the mix, she can bring her own sword. Man, that’d be a dangerous bed, so many sharp and pointy accidents waiting to happen. But maybe Space Sword X Wolf’s Bane, they fight together, and snuggle together, just like their owners.

Favorite Arc: Tough call. Its a rivalry between Giving In arc, Slave Riot arc, Fire Lord’s Shadow and Air Temple arc for 2nd place. But 1st Place goes to combined Whaletail Island/Shu Jing arcs with how well they flow together, you outdid yourself with them, fluffy as half of them were

Favorite Place/Location:

Part 1 or Part 2?:

I wished to see Sokkla more in/like … :

Guessing Game: Guess how good/bad I am at guessing games.

Finish the following sentences: “They don’t? I guess they were probably too busy looking at your… a-at… y-your ? ? ?” (Yeah, spot that one motherF-ers, I dare you.)

I think Azula & Sokka’s relationship will be revealed when/like/because of … Their own inability to exert willpower over their horny impulses. In other words their own reckless stupidity.

I believe at the end of Part 3 … Ozai gonna die, that’s about all I’m certain of. The invasion happens, lots of death and destruction. Since Aang ain’t a killer, my money is on Aang defeating Ozai but its Katara or The White Lotus who kill him. I don’t think Azula could do it though no matter how much she comes to hate her dad. Sokka won’t either since Azula still cares about Ozai, he’s still her papa. Besides, Azula may be too busy having a violent ass knockdown drag out deathmatch with Ol’ Spooky to keep him off the heroes backs, she wins and Ozai loses his two greatest assets. Ozai fights to the bitter end, ignoring Azula’s pleas for him to surrender, he’s too far gone in his hubris, his ego and his rage at Azula’s betrayal by then. Afterward, happy-ish ending, bittersweet, but Azula becomes Fire Lord, Sokka becomes Fire Lady, and has lots of kids and rule happily everafter, of 5 minutes ever after since those two can’t stop attracting trouble.

I’m glad you had a chance to join in! :D thank you for that submission, my friend!

#Anon-Nemesis #honestly some of your answers made me LOL #so much #thank you xD #Gladiator200thChapter #submission

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tora-the-cat · 5 years ago

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Baby Rin & Obito thoughts

-I don’t think people understand what it means that Obito and Rin were best friends since they were 5. Like. I just get the vibe that half the fandom can’t conceptualize that accurately.

-(I can though)

-5. 5! They were actual babies!

-When they’re super young and obviously pre-transitioned they still would steal each others clothes and try to confuse people over who’s who, like identical twins.

-They were child soldiers growing up during the war! By all likelihoods, they were drafted into the academy at all of 5 years old. They graduated at 10! Obito wasn’t seen as a ‘genius’ by any stretch of imagination, so we can only assume this was the common graduating age during the 3rd war. How much more harsh is the curriculum? How much more traumatizing? Paranoia inducing? propagandist?

-Me and my best friend since 5 both had relatively healthy home lives, none of the ninja brand trauma, and we STILL ended up basically codependent. These poor kids had no chance.

-There’s no way these two aren’t in each others pocket. Was there a single secret between the two of them? One topic that was forbidden? Probably not! To Both!

-the two of them could hold entire conversations, arguments, lectures, in a matter of moments with just micro-expressions. It often seemed that the only time Obito would shut up was when he and Rin were staring at each other and their faces would twitch, sometimes for minutes on end, as if that was as natural a way of communicating as speaking.

-It was very useful on covert operations! It was very frustrating during team building exersises, because neither of them were really used to trying to actaully get closer to people besides eachother.

-they had so many in-jokes that Minato and Kakashi sometimes thought they were speaking another language entirely.

-Every time there was a foldable chair in Rin’s sight, she would obnoxiously clear her throat and shoot it meaningful looks, and Obito would seethe, looking seconds away from blowing up, but never would and never explained why.

-Obito would dramatically throw himself in front of Rin and shout about protecting her whenever he spotted a squirrel, and act completely confused and annoyed when Minato and Kakashi didn’t acknowledge the threat and take it seriously.

-Obito would collect four leaf clovers whenever he saw them and then when he braided Rin’s hair for her he’d weave them into it without her even noticing until hours or, on particularly hard missions, days later. Still, everytime she found one, no matter how bad the mission or the horrors she had just seen or was on her way to see, she would pick it out with more care then Kakashi knew anything could be done and gave it a look so soft it made Kakashi inexplicably angry and she'd smile, like it was the easiest thing to do, and her haunted eyes would clear just a little as she snuck them into Obito’s Kunai pouch.

-It was impossible to get one alone without the other. They orbited around each other, never further then a shout away, Joined at the hip.

-They were always touching, be it the common hand holding, or Obito whining and hanging off of Rin, or Rin reprimanding him and squeezing his shoulders, or them dragging each other around the village, or Rin poking Obito in the nose to make him scrunch it up, or Obito squshing Rin’s cheeks until she stops pretending to ignore him or touching foreheads and promising everything will be alright or playing intricate handgames at recess because no one else will play with them or tapping out messages in their own mortified morse code or- it could go on forever. It should have.

-Do Not Mistake Their Undying Dependency On Each Other As A Lack Of The Ablity To Throw Hands, however. They would roughhouse, and they were visious. They would bite and pull hair and pinch and get close to each others ears to make high pitched noises and tickle and tumble on the dirt. They didn’t even need a real reason- or at least not one Minato could see. There would be a glint in one of their eyes, and then a flash of fear in the other’s, and it would start with no further warning.

-It didn’t matter where, it didn’t matter when. In public. At dinner. While Minato is in the middle of talking. Rain, snow, hail. Usually not on missions, thankfully, but worryingly often on the way back from missions. Kakashi still breaks into an anxious cold sweat everytime he goes to Suna, a ghost of the memory of the first time Obito and Rin saw the dessert remembered with surprising clarity. He doesn’t want to talk about it.

-Like wolf pups, Minato once said, and Kakashi didn’t talk to him for a week- wolves would never be so undignified. Rin would lick Obito to throw him off and Obito would use his inhumanely boney elbows to stab her (weapons were always discarded for these scruff- they weren’t spars, they were personal) and she would fling dirt into his mouth and he would spit it back into her eyes. They were disgusting.

-If they worked together and fought half as dirty with Kakashi as they did with eachother, he would have had a bad time. But, somehow, there was just. Something that made them go rabid on each other in a way Minato was never able to fully provoke in them, even mid-war.

-(it’s the Cain Instinct.)

-They were of the naive but firm belief that they would never be without the other, and, horrifically, most could see it was true. Not because they were strong or because the world was too kind to kill one and leave the other- it was just so blatantly obvious that, should one of them leave, the other would follow without hesitation.

-Even Minato was resigned to the fact that if one of them died the other was just a ticking time bomb, despite all his efforts.

-(and he did make an effort. He knew there was a slim chance their story would end well, the way it was. Knew that codependent shinobi were liabilities. He tried to get them to spend time alone and practice more bounderies and make connections outside of each other, but it rarely worked and never for long. They got anxious and twitchy alone, constantly worried about the other. Obito reapplied Rin’s seals when she couldn’t and Rin taught him to get away with petty revenges, and they were all each other had.)

-But, because of this, they were convinced that if one of them was good at something the other didn’t really need to bother with it- expended effort, when they’re both right there anyway. Unless it was fun to practice together, of course, mostly encompassing Taijutsu.

-Rin did Fuinjutsu, Obito did Genjutsu. Rin started Iryouninjutsu, Obito started Kenjutsu. Rin practiced Suiton and Raiton, Obito practiced Katon and Doton. they balanced each other out, kept each other grounded- they completed each other. It felt like they only had each other, more often then not, and sometimes it was true.

-When they were younger, it was always true. They were both orphans by 7. Rin’s mom died in childbirth, her dad stayed around long enough to teach her how to stay alive and how her Kekkei Genkai worked as far as he could remember, but She was a born citizen of Konoha and the village wouldn’t let go of a potential asset, and he couldn’t stay in the village that let his village get destroyed and his wife die. He left her. Obito’s parents were both Shinobi that disappeared mysteriously and were never seen again.

-Gran tried, but she was old and blind and could barely remember Obito half the time. In the end, it was the two of them against the world.

-The Uchiha didn’t care, besides the minor annoyance at Rin entering their compound so often, but. She was Uzushio, and the clan heads were close to the Uzumaki, which basically meant they weren’t allowed to bully an Uzushio clan kid. Obito’s Gran was just happy he had a friend.

-Rin remembered something her Dad told her, and gives Obito a Nohara Seal-Tattoo on the inside of his right wrist, making him an honorary member by the laws of her clan that doesn’t really exist anymore and has literally no significance or benefit in the village. He cries anyway.

-They pretty much always sleep together. Sleepovers are nightly by the time they turn 8. by the time they’re 9, they make a paranoid habit of taking turns on watch. By the time they’re 10, they are outright offended when Minato tries to insist Rin gets her own tent because she’s a ‘growing young lady’ and ‘please Kushina will kill me’.

-They have a secret code. and by ‘a secret code’ I mean several secret codes. Minato figured most of them out. Kakashi did not. It’s a point of pride.

-Despite everyone’s constant objections, Rin somehow always ended up in the middle of a fight, slipping behind Obitio’s back and making up for his defects as easily as breathing. Kakashi always berated her- she was the Med NIn! If she got hurt or killed, they didn’t have anyone to heal her!

-She did not care. She understood, and sometimes felt a little bad about it, but did not care. ‘you join combat for emergencies only’ they insisted, and her automatic response was simple: If Obito is in danger, then it’s an emergency.

-Minato dropped it pretty quickly and instead just focused on training her to be as murder-resistant as possible- sometimes he knew a losing battle when he saw it.

-Kakashi never dropped it until one day he activates her Cain Instinct and she paralyzes him for 8 hours with the med-nin fighting style she was inventing because she was terrifying.

-And I haven’t even touched on them both being trans and supporting eachother through that, and I omitted 600 words about their first kills and biggest fight ever! I could talk about team minato forever god bless

-Sure, Obito got a crush on Rin at somepoint, but that wasn’t the defining part of their relationship. He didn’t go crazy because Rin didn’t like him back, or because she liked Kakashi. He went crazy because she died. She was the most important person in the world to him, his soulmate, platonic or not.

-Obito ‘died’, and Rin self destructed. She was ashamed of it but, really, she only lived on as long as she did after kanabi because she knew Obito would want her too. She couldn’t look kakashi in the eyes. She had several heart attacks because her seals would fade, and she would refuse to tell anyone else how to do them.

-She wrote entire notebooks of things she would tell him when she died so she didn’t forget a thing, stepped around shamrocks like they were posion ivy. Her hair was uncut. She never joined a fight. She killed squirrels on sight with a flash of morbid humor and greif, and still wouldn’t explain why, and she’d rather sit on the floor then in a folding chair.

-Kakashi didn’t want to admit it, couldn’t admit it, even to himself, for years, maybe decades, but in the last few months of her life Rin wasn’t alive. She tried, so hard, for Kakashi’s sake, but she wasn’t. She was a shell of her former self, more impulsive, less quick to smile, more cynical then he thought she would ever be.

-Rin died, and Obito stopped existing. It only made sense- who was he without Rin?

-No one. He was a blank slate, melted down so Madara could form him anew. He became Madara and Tobi and The Masked Man and a Clan Killer, but he would never be Obito again, because there was no Obito without Rin.

-Losing one another wasn’t like losing a limb. It wasn’t like having a part of their soul ripped out. It was nothing so mild. It was losing themself. It was having their soul souls beaten bloodily, shredded, and then disappear without a trace.

-everyone was right, in the end, about them. A tragedy waiting to happen. Terminally codependant. Minato said that once one died, the other was a ticking time bomb, and he was right. He just wished he wasn’t.

....Anyway yeah next time I see someone whine about how its pathetic that Obito tried to destroy the world because his school girl crush died like hes some Incel throwing a fit, I'll go feral.

#naruto #team crackhead #team 7 #team minato #uzumaki naruto #haruno sakura #uchiha sasuke #hatake kakashi #nohara rin #uchiha obito #namikaze minato #long post #headcannons #this wasn't what i promised but it's probably even more important so.#i am still writing the disectal of that post if you're waiting on it #don't worry!

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irmacornelia · 5 years ago

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I had a Kalinor fic that I never got around to finishing that im going to cannibalize ideas from for my longfic, so have some of the bits I do have and will probably never finish;

Title: Untitled Kalinor Drabbles Pairings: Kalinor, Cassidy/Nerissa Tags: Pining, minor language, canon-typical violence and angst Rating: T-ish

Apparently everyone has been having the same dream. For a week and a half straight.

Nerissa laughs and suggests magic.

You retort that if you had some fancy magic power, how come you burn the toast every other morning?

Cassidy grins and tells you that you are just bad at cooking.

Three months later you are fighting for your life with your friends at your back. This is a much better way to burn energy and rage than tennis. You think that this is the last year you will have an extracurricular like that (or at all -what with how Kandrakar doesn’t give a damn about your education).

You duck a sword and twist heat and sparks into your palm to shove into your assailant's chest. Fluid and practiced, Kadma twists around and slams a boulder into him as you lean out of the way. A brief moment of eye contact and half-formed :feelings: thrums between you and you both leap back into the fray.

You work well together, your brawler-esque fighting compliments her fluid and reactive style. Yan Lin flits about to deliver death from above and to watch out for threats as Nerissa commands the most amount of attention by your enemies to divert from Cassidy going for the objective. Nerissa is very flashy and does her job well. It’s worked enough times that you and your companions have it down to a routine. You and Kadma pull the grunt work, Nerissa is a massive and threatening distraction tossing lighting and energy blasts, Yan Lin scouts and provides air cover, and Cassidy does the stealing/activating/rescuing. Not that you and your friends can’t do other jobs, but it works best that way. Everyone has a task to do without any prior organizing. Nice and neat and simple(if fighting could be called neat and simple).

Searing another few vaguely humanoid bird-ish enemies and ignoring the acrid tang of burning feathers, you feel like you could do this forever.

You have been doing this for a year now and it shows. Strangers are afraid to make eye contact with you, and you have toned muscles underneath your obligatory dresses. You do average in school and while your parents aren’t too happy at the slight drop, it’s doable. You are often tired and busy, and you are quite a bit more confident (because you can kick most everyone’s ass and you have bigger problems) and get into fights a lot during downtime.

You are so much closer with your companions now, as well. You wouldn’t have dared sitting that close with anyone before. You wouldn’t have dared to lean against Kadma while Cassidy braids your hair and chats about most anything.

Its helped, in part, by the telepathy. You and yours had begun to lean on it quite a bit to explain motives and :feelings:. Twining your Presence with someone mentally was oddly pleasant and comfortable, like a sort of warm hug but for your feelings and not your body.

Explaining this caught giggles from your friends.

Kadma was pretty when she laughed.

You were so screwed and couldn’t ever explain why.

A week later you are nimbly jumping across rooftops with your wings aflutter (they are now almost two feet long each and feel a bit sturdier, but they can only slow your fall a bit). You follow Kadma and Yan Lin with Cassidy on your heels as Nerissa blows up the front gates to a stronghold.

You try to avoid the thought that you would be so very lost without being able to fight for your life.

It’s been two years since you became a Guardian and you are nearly an adult. You have never dated anyone (you couldn’t -you like girls) and Things are going wrong. You don’t know when they started going wrong, but they are. Maybe it started when Nerissa began a harsh training regimen after a close shave on some world you can’t even begin to pronounce the name of(all harsh clicks and sounds no human throat can make for long without becoming hoarse). Maybe it started when The Council refused to give important information one time too many. Maybe it had always been bad, but no one noticed.

Cassidy came to you one day and told you that she was worried about her.

“Sometimes- Sometimes she talks about scary things, Im not really sure I should say what, but I-i’m really worried.”

She wrings her hands and leans back on the park bench.

“I- um We, um, w-well, she sometimes wakes up screaming and-and I think our, ah, Job,”

Cassidy says with emphasis in-case anyone was listening in,

“Is-Is getting to her. You, ah, you know she does risky things but I can’t help but fear it going to get worse. I, ah, I care about her. A lot. And I don’t know what to do.”

Cassidy trails off toward the end into a whisper. You suppose that’s confirmation enough that they are involved with each other.

“I know.,” You say, “I’m not sure what to do either. Maybe the others might be better help, but we can get through this.”

You both are very much aware how the last group of guardians all died before you were even appointed.

You don’t talk about it.

Your research spree to try to find things to aid Nerissa served more as nightmare fuel than solutions, so help from outsiders was out. Thus you ask the others what to do about Nerissa’s increasingly snappish and reckless behavior the day after.

Yan Lin offers up the idea of distraction during downtime, and you all jump on board. If you can distract her from your other life, perhaps she would relax a bit.

And so you and the others spent a lot of time in-between missions trying very hard to be ‘normal teens’. Cassidy taught the group how to dance over the course of a few afternoons and you all end up at one of the local soda fountains about once a week. Nerissa also spends her time composing songs on her flute again, she names one of them after herself and gives Yan Lin a handwritten copy of the sheet music when asked.

For awhile you feel like it’s like it was Before, and you feel happy and everyone seems to be enjoying themselves, but you still feel extra energy to burn curling in your gut. You know Yan Lin is always paying more than a little attention to what’s going on, who is where, and where all of the exits are. Cassidy is stuck to Nerissa’s side like glue and Kadma barely speaks half the time.

(You still all walk silently and twitch at the sight of flashing lights and the sound of metal screaming on metal)

You get a few group shots of the five of you and pretend that the flash didn’t feel like magic firing on you.

You had been spending quite a lot of time with Kadma these last few weeks. In the effort to wind down from constant missions from Kandrakar to far off worlds, you had all tried to do only mundane things with mixed results. You’re pretty sure Cassidy leaves glamours on her bed in the mornings to go sleep at Nerissa’s house without getting caught.

You yourself use telepathy with the others nigh-constantly and your tea never goes cold.

You learn that Kadma can sometimes get :Impressions: from animals while you and her go feed birds at the park. Simpler than ones from you and the others, she says, but there all the same.

You brush your magic against Kadma’s and inch closer.

“Can you show me?”, you say.

Her hand brushes against yours in return and sparks of flame burn along your spine.

The corner of her lip curls upwards and she passes along :Impressions: from the Dove pecking at a sunflower seed a few feet away.

You feel more distracted and fuzzy than you have in ages and Yan Lin grins at you the next day like she can tell and you shoot her a :??:.

She rolls her eyes and replies :Warmsafefuzzy-Presence more-than-before:.

She taps her fingers gently on her desk and leans back a bit, :Kadma-and-you?:.

The thrumm to that last Impression nearly made you choke on air.

You suppose that would be fitting considering whom you are Communing with.

:Almost:

The teacher begins her lecture and that was the end of that.

The rest of the group knows you can heat your body temperature to nice and toasty levels and this is exploited mercilessly once Heatherfield started getting chilly. You are only slightly affronted the first time Cassidy ‘calls dibs’ on one of your shoulders. When Kadma leans against your other shoulder your half-formed complaint turns to smoke on your tongue and you just obligingly turn up the heat.

Yan Lin gives you a wink from her spot at the stove next to the teapot when Kadma shuts her eyes and humms in contentment. You nearly throw the nearby pillow at Yan Lin for the following eyebrow wiggle, but you don’t want to ruin the moment.

#w.i.t.c.h.#kalinor #.txt #star.txt #my fic #fanfic #yes I know I said id finish this like 3 years ago and then never did sorry the historical parts never seemed right #and I am nothing but a worldbuilding hoe and if its not right I didnt want to put it out #so unless I get super good at 40s and 50s history this is staying where it is #maybe one day ill finish a kalinor specific fic lol

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homenum-revelio-hq · 5 years ago

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Welcome to the Order of the Phoenix, Ilya!

You have been accepted for the role of CARADOC DEARBORN with the faceclaim of Jordan Calloway! We really enjoyed everything you crafted around his habit of compartmentalizing, and the juxtaposition you have set-up between his public attitude of neutrality and his private convictions; those layers should be a lot of fun to explore. We are so excited to have you as part of this roleplay!

Please take a look at the new member checklist and send in your account within 24 hours! Thank you for joining the fight against Voldemort!

OUT OF CHARACTER:

NAME: Ilya

AGE: 32

TIMEZONE: GMT+1

ACTIVITY LEVEL: I don’t have a set schedule and I tend to keep odd hours, so one day I can be on in the morning, another be up all night. It really depends day-by-day. But I always have a four-five days when I can have dedicated time on my laptop. I know your activity is very generous, I fully intend to aim for more than a post a week.

ANYTHING ELSE: I don’t have any specific triggers or squicks. I have experience in tumblr RPing, but it’s been a year since my last one. I really look forward to get back to it. In my experience, I tend to be silent in discord chats but I promise it’s not lack of interest. It’s just that sometimes I don’t know what to say, or usually I’m about to write something but the conversation moves along.

CHARACTER DETAILS:

NAME: Caradoc Ekwueme Dearborn

Caradoc is a Welsh name, meaning “love,” and was chosen by his father. Ekwueme is an Igbo name, meaning “he says, he does”, and it was chosen by his mother.

AGE: 28 (b. January 1st, 1953)

GENDER, PRONOUNS, and SEXUALITY: Cis male. He/Him pronouns. Demisexual/Demiromantic.

When it came to gender and sexuality, Caradoc had never questioned himself out of his own initiative. Not even when his peers were discussing their crushes and he had nothing to contribute aside from a friendly joke here and there.

“Don’t you have someone you want to ask out?” was a question he answered easily with a “no.” But he would agree to be a friend’s wingman or the fourth in a double date if asked. It was on one such occasion that he found himself with someone that, while she did not inspire any of the feelings his friends liked to talk about, was nice to spend time with and kiss. The relationship only lasted one year, but they stayed friends throughout their remaining time in school.

Caradoc doesn’t use those exact labels. When asked he simply answers “not interested,” not that many do—they assume he’s too preoccupied with his duties with the Order, or with his job, anyway.

BLOOD STATUS: Pureblood

HOUSE ALUMNI: Hufflepuff

ANY CHANGES: If it possible, I would like to change FC to Jordan Calloway. I imagine Caradoc having an athletic, sturdy kind of body, something that would give reason to people to think him more brawns than brains. He also has a decent amount of resources available in terms of gifs.

CHARACTER BACKGROUND:

PERSONALITY:

Since being a child, Caradoc has been cultivating a strong sense of morality and personal responsibility over his own actions. The question of what is right and what is wrong is something that he ponders often, almost relentlessly, and it guides him in his desire to find ways to make the world better than it is today.

This desire colours each and every action he takes, and in return every action is examined so he can know where it falls. The pivotal question, the one he always asks himself: is this doing more good or more harm?

He constantly thinks it over, sometimes the answer changes as time goes by and there is more context to add itself to the situation. But he always, ceaselessly, acts according to his own set of morals.

It is by this very personal moral view that Caradoc has no doubts about the Order. Stealing from those that have in abundance to give to those that have nothing is more right than wrong, even if illegal. Breaking the law is wrong, but breaking the law to save innocent lives is right, and there is no doubt in him about that. The same goes for his own personal safety. Dying in pursuit of this goal is something he is not afraid of, but he is not searching for a heroic death—as his mother’s death taught him: the dead can’t fight any longer.

While this does work as a strength, on the other side it’s also his weakness. It lends him to dislike and distrust those whose morals don’t align with his own. It’s the reason he has stopped joking along to problematic throw-away comments and he’s becoming less and less tolerant of other people’s jokes. Especially the ones at the expense of the marginalised—the Muggles and Muggleborns, Squibs and Werewolves, the Goblins and House Elves; every person or creature whose rights are few or non-existent in Wizarding society. He is ready to admonish people for it and for every slur or slip-of-the-tongue that might betray any kind of bigotry.

But at the same time, he has learned that there are times when he needs to bite his own tongue. If in political conversations Caradoc seldom listens to the nuance of people’ speeches, when talking of private affair there is no word or pause that is not being heard. He is a good listener, when he puts effort into it. He tries his best to not brush off people’s worries or concerns, even if they happen to be far removed from the war and their mission. But it’s not easy when he’s so focused—focused, not obsessed—on the war.

Smiles, however, are rare, and laughter is a sound that has been missing for almost a decade. It’s difficult to laugh, to even be in the mood for it, when all around them the world seems to get just a little bit worse each day. But Caradoc knows he needs to unwind, sometimes—when someone or something reminds him—otherwise they are calling him obsessed. And he isn’t. He is not. Could he still enjoy time with his friends if he was? Sure, he won’t drink or let too loose, but that’s just practical. They are at war after all.

BRIEF OVERVIEW OF FAMILY:

His father was born into a Welsh pureblood family that valued tradition, but because there had never been any open talk against Muggles and Muggleborns, Meurig Dearborn had grown up thinking his family to be fairly open-minded. But his own ignorance and his own prejudices were soon revealed to him by the young woman that would become his wife. Daughters of diplomats, Amara Dumont had grown up in Belgium but studied at Hogwarts, sorted—of course—into Gryffindor. Even at a young age, she had taken an interest in what happened in the world, her mind always imagining which steps could be taken to better it. At the same time as she received news from the continent about Grindelwald and the terrible ways he used his power, she witnessed Tom Riddle gather his Knight of Walpurgis around himself and saw it for what it was: danger brewing.

The two found themselves unlikely allies, a Gryffindor and a Slytherin, a foreigner witch and a Welsh wizard. Amara, someone bursting with passion with every breathing moment, and Meurig, always careful to present himself like the proper pureblood wizard he was raised to be. She would speak openly of her ideals, her morals, and fought to see the rights of minorities and the marginalised recognised, and was there marching during the Squib Rights Marches both to protect the other protesters and being one herself. He, ever the Slytherin, chose to follow the example of the Dearborns before him—wizards seemingly content with the current status quo, only acting when their hands could not be seen—only allowed to be truthful to himself when in the company of those he trusted.

As parents, they were present in the life of their only son, Caradoc, but never overbearing. Meurig passed down the pureblood traditions of his ancestors—to gather ivy on Halloween night and how to use it for divinations; to purify one’s house at the start of Spring to keep away unwanted guests as ghouls and gnomes; the importance and value of family and the proper way to propose to a witch—and Amara made sure that all and every notion was to be examined and challenged. They were honest with him, and that meant that even as a young child, Caradoc was aware of the world outside their warm little family and the injustices that happened there. It cultivated within him a strong morality and a sense of responsibility for his own actions and those of others.

They looked at him with pride and never forgot to show him their love, and in return Caradoc always looked up to them with admiration. Wizarding society had a more polarising view of their family. Purebloods still liked Meurig and invited him to their events, but they had no love for Amara’s fiery personality and opinions. By contrast, those that were as outspoken as Amara failed to understand how and why she had married Meurig, a wizard that never expressed his opinion at all. From this, Caradoc soon learned that the eyes of others are always watching, gawking and judging every choice, and one mustn’t act by what others think is right, but by what you think is right.

Taking after his mother, politically aware from a young age on, Caradoc’d beg her mother to let him go with her during marches, and as much as her refusal was accompanied by an honest explanation, it always hurt a little to be left behind.

But that was nothing compared to the hurt that her death brought onto the family. Without her, the fire in Meurig extinguished. She had been the force to push him outside of the confines of pureblood traditions and expectations, and without her he couldn’t fight as he had before. Caradoc’s fire, by contrast, was fed to a scorching degree by her death. If his mother couldn’t be here herself to burn bright and set all those who executed injustices ablaze, then he would make sure to do it for the both of them.

OCCUPATION: Obliviator.

Caradoc sought out a position inside the Ministry of Magic just as quickly as he sought one in the Order, feeling he could help the latter with the former and at the same time trying to do some good inside the government too.

He aimed for a job that would not constrict him behind a desk, which he felt would have left him both restless and with less space to also work for the Order. His talents with spellwork, especially in Charms, and excellent marks in Muggle Studies, landed him at the Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes.

His first months working as an Obliviator were more forming than probably intended. His mentor was a callous wizard that would do the job quickly but not always in the best way. The Muggles would forget everything they saw, but often were left too confused, with big gaps in their memories and a headache for days. Caradoc did not like it.

The job was already so intrusive, violating even, by its nature that doing it so wrongly felt unnecessarily cruel. It made Caradoc realise that as much as the Statue of Secrecy was much needed for both Wizarding and Muggle world, it was something that left the latter far too vulnerable. He felt a sense of responsibility towards the people who would need his spellwork, and that responsibility grew and it expanded to the Muggle population at large, giving him even more resolve in his fight against the Death Eaters and their agenda. And with that responsibility also came a feeling which he couldn’t clearly name but always left a bad taste in his mouth every time he robbed another Muggle of their memories, even if for their own good. Some days, it lingers well past office hours, and he feels like it won’t go away until this war is over.

ROLE WITHIN THE ORDER/THOUGHTS ABOUT THE ORDER:

Being in the Inner-Circle—a name Caradoc dislikes—he is part of decision-makers of the Order of the Phoenix. It’s not a role he actively sought for himself, leading had never been the goal, but as the years went on and people continued to die around him, others sought him out when in need. His calm attitude and his sharp focus lent themselves to make him a good listener and decisive when it came to tough choices to make.

These days, he understands people’s frustrations with the Order. The war is nowhere near to be over, and failures are always felt stronger than victories. Not that there are many of those to go around. But that shouldn’t be a reason to act without thought, and lately Caradoc has had many thoughts about what to do with those that feel the Order isn’t doing enough. For one, he would like to help Marlene and her Dissendium Task Force more. While he is frustrated that few people want to fight in this war, fight for what’s right against Voldemort and his followers, he also understands that not everyone can help in the same way and that any help, no matter how little or small, is better than nothing. People shouldn’t be forced to fight if they don’t want to—it wouldn’t make them good fighters, or trustworthy ones—and if one wanted to be cold about it, there was value in promising someone to deliver their family to safety if they give help in return. Not that he likes these sort of transactions. Caradoc feels that good should be done for good’ sake, and not for any return, but he’s not above trying to find a different angle to see things.

And it’s this way of thinking that makes him careful with Dorcas and her group. He won’t brush them aside because there could be still usefulness in their passion, it only needs to be directed in ways that will do more good than harm. Because that’s Caradoc ever present question: how far can we go until we are doing more harm than good? Is any of this truly going to help, or am I only making things worse?

When it comes to the Order of the Phoenix, the answer to that question is clear. Staying with the group, helping planning more and more operations, can only do good. He could never see himself abandoning the Order or the mission and is determined to motivate others to stay, too, reminding them of the importance of what they are doing. He doesn’t trust the Ministry enough. It was easy for the Death Eater to infiltrate it, and it was too easy for them as well, so he could never see the government truly succeeding into winning the war. And he imagines the Order wouldn’t want him to leave either, he has proven a good member. He can follow orders when necessary, he is not shy when it comes to duelling or to spying, and he can make smart and firm decision even when the pressure is high.

SURVIVAL:

Officially, Caradoc lives with his father in their home in Abertridwr, a village three miles from Caerphilly in Wales. But most nights he is out for Order’s business, and he ends up either sleeping at the Potter Estate or on someone else’s couch.

Wherever he goes, he is always careful. He never indulges in things like alcohol or drugs or anything, really, that could cloud his judgement in any way. It’s what gives him that stick-up-his-arse air, but also—in his opinion—what helped him staying alive.

And learning from his mother’s death and his father’ survival, Caradoc dons an air of neutrality when he’s outside of the Order’s company and takes a moment to take his feelings and putting them aside.

He has always had a knack for compartmentalising his feelings. It’s what helps him hold his tongue at work as well as with the Order. To achieve this, he imagines his grandmother’s old apothecary drawer cabinet, and in his mind he opens one little cubic drawer to put away his feelings. His humor is in there somewhere, locked away since the death of his mother. It still hasn’t been opened again.

This ability may have put to slumber the carefree Caradoc of Hogwarts’ days, but it assures there are no thoughts to distract him during fights, no fear to jeopardise his actions and no memories to leave him shaken and unfocused. It has also helped him shield his thoughts from prying minds. And while outsiders could maybe tell he has no love for the Death Eaters, they can’t say he approves of the Order either.

Then there is the memory charm. He is extremely skilled at it, but he’s still sometimes morally conflicted about it—something that makes him nervous—and is not sure he would retort to it. Is violating a person’s mind right? Then, when in the heat of battle or when he lays eyes on the ash and remains of lost one, he tells himself he could do more good than harm with it.

Adding to that, he keeps himself in fighting shape, physically and when it comes to spellwork. He may not be the most elegant duelist, but at least he is still breathing.

RELATIONSHIPS:

As a teenager, Caradoc’s smiles were frequent and laughs were far from a myth. It might shock some to think of Caradoc as someone who not only knows about Quidditch but actually played it himself. Fast on his broom, quick with his mind, he was a formidable Chaser. He would enjoy the parties and even try some rule-breaking when it did no harm. His sense of morality and responsibility back then made him the one to look out for other students, making sure they could always find an ally in him, and admonishing bullies. But it was far from an ever-consuming thought or mission.

Everything changed with his mother’s death in his last year of school. Nowadays, he’s different. To such a degree that sometimes he feels like a completely different person. To know Caradoc, to truly come to know him, is not easy. Much of him is hidden in those drawers and they are all locked or stuck closed. Caradoc himself has no desire to open them up, even around those he trusts, because in these dark times it doesn’t feel right to be fully seen. So one must be either extremely patient or fancy themselves a way to pick all those locks.

His need to know what is right and wrong pushes him to try to figure people out so he can put them into similar categories. The Good and the Bad. Those deserving of trust and those to keep a vigil eye on. Allies and Enemies. There isn’t much space for grey areas.

While he’s loyal by nature and would never refuse to help anyone—let alone a friend, even if a lot of time has passed since they last saw each other or spoke—he is too focused on the war and unless people remind him to unwind or ask for his help, he tends to neglect them on a personal level.

His strong defense of minorities like Muggles and Muggles, and even Werewolves, puts him in the position of distrusting Purebloods—the irony of being one not lost on him—or those Half-bloods that have stronger ties to the Wizarding society than the Muggle World. He’s always keeping an eye on them. People like Frank or Branwen. People like Peter or Ryland. Those are some he can’t fully trust. Not yet, at least. Which is why he would actually stay closer to them, trying to know and understand them better.

Then there is the potential trouble-makers like Dorcas. He is sympathetic to her complaints, and he is not ready to dismiss her as easily as other high up have done. If only to make sure she doesn’t do something that would turn to cause more harm than good. But he still feels like there is potential in Dorcas and her little group. Trouble for the enemy is peace for oneself, isn’t it?}

When it comes to romance, there is none in Caradoc’s life. He doesn’t have the time. He had tried once. A year after his mother’s death there was someone who, much like his first girlfriend, he felt comfortable around. They had been the first to call him ‘obsessed’, and he had meant to prove that he wasn’t. Surely, someone obsessed wouldn’t find the time to date. The relationship didn’t last. Caradoc’s heart wasn’t really in it. And then his partner left the Order, and it truly seemed a sign that for him romance had no place in this war.

(As a sidenote, I’m open to make more specific connections with other characters. Especially if players may have headcanons or idea for their relationship with Caradoc that they want to discuss. I know that it usually goes without saying, but I thought to add it just in case.)

OOC EXPLORATION:

SHIPS/ANTI-SHIPS: I don’t have any ships or anti-ships set in stone. I prefer to go with chemistry between characters, and I can only see that by playing. Though, I can say that I don’t see Caradoc as being very preoccupied with romance, or even flings. It won’t be something he’d be after. Then, of course, chemistry. Characters have always a way to surprise.

WHAT PRIVILEGES AND BIASES DOES YOUR CHARACTER HAVE?

In the Wizarding world, Caradoc does have all the privileges accorded to purebloods. He has a more intimate knowledge of its culture and customs, and he has knowledge of pureblood traditions in particular as passed down from his father. Especially seeing how Wizarding society alienates Squibs and treat them as lesser people. How some pureblood families go as far as to pretend their children had died rather than admit they have no magic; or shunning them altogether, striking their names from the family tree and leaving them to fend for themselves in a world that doesn’t want them. How Muggleborns and Half-Breeds earn open hate and are never given the same chances in their everyday, magical life. Witnessing all of this, Caradoc is aware of exactly how privileged he is, and it is grateful for it.

However, if his parents had taught him one thing, was that with privilege comes responsibility. His late mother’s actions in open support of minorities in Wizarding Society, is what spurns him on to use his social protection for the greater good.

During the last ten years, he has worked to shed as many prejudices as he can towards Muggles, Half-breeds and other magical creatures. Even werewolves, since as his mother used to say, “they are still human beings for the other twenty-eight nights of the month. I can’t say the same of Riddle and his ilk.” Today, he is a firm believer that Squibs, Werewolves and Goblins should have equal rights and if any wanted to join their fight against Voldemort and the Death Eaters he would welcome them.

Hid rigid, black-and-white, mentality makes him categorise people into either good or bad. Any harm done by werewolves is not comparable in gravity to that done by those who want all werewolves gone. And since the Death Eaters’ agenda doesn’t stop to eliminate one single group but many, he’d rather not talk nuances which would only feed their arguments and instead see these groups that are targeted as good.

Nevertheless, he knows that there are bigots in both worlds. Where one world focuses so much on blood and magic, the other focuses on the color of one’s skin and the gender assigned to them. While he certainly can see how prejudices brought from one world to the other is not a good thing, he doesn’t find it reason enough to bar Muggleborns from their world—not even Muggles if one so desired to marry one.

He’d rather side with an ignorant Muggleborn in the face of an attack by a blood supremacist than with the latter by discussing the former’s ignorance.

Perhaps this is why he gets fed up with other people who share his privilege but who choose to do nothing, or why he’s becoming more and more suspicious of them. Can they really be good people if they’re protected by their blood? And yes, the irony is not lost on him.

WHAT ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO?

I usually avoid Marauders Era RPs because I’m not a great fan of set ships and set “destinies”, even if it’s ships and ends that I like. So, from the start, the AU aspect of this RP drove me to check out the rest, especially since it’s not completely AU but building on canon and the fact that it focuses on the Order instead of the classic Order vs Death Eaters. I also love that there is so much world building, and not just from the admins but the players too.

PLOT DROP IDEAS:

When it comes to Caradoc’s journey, I’d love to see what happens to his “drawers”. If they’ll stay close, and maybe even grow in numbers, stashing away more of himself; or if someone will be able to help him open them up and make him less “cold.”.

Especially considering how in Canon, Caradoc disappears, never to be seen again, with no one knowing what happened to him. So, I find interesting that in a way, he is also slowly disappearing, albeit metaphorically.

I would also like to see how far he can push his morals. If he’ll fully side with Dorcas, if he’ll be able to find some middle-ground of sorts. Or even what actions he’ll arrive to excuse for the “greater good.”

While for characters in general, I think I would also like for them to find themselves in situations where their morals might be challenged, where they might be pushed or tempted to cross a line.

This could come in the form of, maybe the group find themselves with a prisoner Death Eater, and it could spark a discussion on how far would they go to get information out of him.

I would also like something related to the Dissendium Task Force. Seeing how in game there can be secondary characters, maybe having a Muggleborns as one. They would be someone that, with their Muggle family, is hosted at the McKinnon farm in wait to be smuggled out of the country. Interacting with the characters, it would be interesting if this character ends up to be convinced to stay and fight, but then during their first mission panicking and losing their lives.

It could have people reflect on the task force and its mission, especially for those that believe the Order shouldn’t send potential “soldiers” away.

ANYTHING ELSE?

I don’t remember how I stumbled upon these posts that match houses and zodiac, but it’s what I use to choose my characters’ birthdays. Here Caradoc’s: https://hp-aesthetic.tumblr.com/tagged/capricorn-hufflepuff

Also, thinking about Caradoc’s Enneagram, I think Type One fits him best. And this is a Sleeping At Last song about Type Ones: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-sO2UMoOaFQ

#homenumaccepted #harry potter rp #harry potter roleplay #marauders era rp #marauders rp

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dazais-guardian-angel · 6 years ago

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I’m sorry this blog has been so dead-feeling and sporadic for a while now. Not that anyone probably cares, but if any of my followers somehow still enjoy following me, I’m sorry to you all. (tmi health issues below)

I haven’t “updated” in a long while, mostly because I don’t feel like I’m on the verge of dying anymore, like I did all throughout 2017 to maybe halfway through 2018; my health has been pretty stable for a while now. But it’s almost like once my thoughts didn’t have to be preoccupied with constant terror and depression of the worst kind 24/7, now it’s made room for other things to take hold of me. I don’t have panic attacks anymore (at least that I know of; I definitely had one the other night, though), but I have mental anxiety more than ever about really random and ridiculous things, and intrusive thoughts. I’ve gotten a lot of writing done but at the same time feel more unproductive than ever; I’ve always had bad executive dysfunction, but for the last couple months it’s felt worse. I’ve nearly dropped off of drawing entirely; I wish I did it more, but I’ll never be good enough and it’ll never get enough attention to feel like it’s worth the exhaustion it takes. And I probably have actual depression, if I didn’t before then I probably definitely do now; I’ve started to be able to tell the difference in my moods between days, where I feel really invigorated and into something and wanting to do something, and when I feel really down and can’t bring myself to do anything I mean even more than usual lol and feel like I want to cry sometimes for no reason.

I don’t feel as passionate about stuff anymore, which is probably a BIG WARNING SIGN cause I’ve heard other people say this, but yeah. I’m constantly feeling like I should go “give myself a break from writing”, so I just end up playing small, shorty video games that don’t hold my attention very well, instead of working on my backlog of big games that I know are gonna keep me busy for a while each once I start them... otherwise I just stay at my computer thinking that surely I’ll feel like writing something else soon, because I know deep down I want to work on filling my remaining ideas, and I know I can because I have been steadily uploading the last few months, but then I’ll just end up sitting here doing nothing in the end. Or if I get lucky, write. But it just feels like literally everything I do is happening at a snail’s pace now, for no reason. Getting through anime episodes now is tedious, at least for seasonal anime that I’m just trying out and not stuff I already know I’ll love. Keeping up with manga is hard too, I’m so behind on so many series, except for MHA because the chapters are short and weekly instead of monthly, which somehow helps. I like to read at night before sleeping, but I usually fall asleep so quickly after laying down, it’s frustrating. And none of this should matter because no one cares but me but I can’t stand it, especially when my anxiety is constantly making me worried about how long my lifespan is gonna be and that I need to hurry up and do shit quicker. :))))))

All of those mental health diagnoses are just speculation though, since I haven’t been officially looked at by anyone, cause we don’t know where to find anyone. Maybe adhd meds would help me, but who knows when I’ll be able to try any if I do, because I’m already taking so many physical health meds that my parents are always wary about adding unnecessary ones, especially since we’re so uneducated when it comes to the delicacies of mental health meds.

My health problem has morphed into a swallowing problem; I have extra saliva and mucus that gets “stuck” and won’t go down all the way unless I swallow a lot, and I can’t drink or eat anything anymore, which is literally the most agonizing thing in the world, I’m so thirsty (I’m still getting nutrition; please don’t ask how). I’ve done a couple tests and they’ve been fine, so no one knows what’s going on, and my parents have been lax about setting up to go to a better hospital because things aren’t urgent anymore like they used to be now that I have a reflux med. I mean, at least as far as I know; who tf knows what’s happening to me I also have leg nerve pain from sitting in a wheelchair all day every day, which is nothing new at all, it’s been a thing for years, but lately it’s been absolutely agonizing because I’m too underweight to pad my body and my wheelchair isn’t a good fit for me and getting the people to take the steps to change things takes literal months because they’re slow and lazy as molasses. My back is constantly tight too, to varying degrees, sometimes better, and I don’t know what that is, maybe anxiety, but that’s frustrating too cause it makes breathing ever so harder. So yeah, I’m not fearing for my life anymore, at least consciously, but things are still hard and I’m so tired that they’re still like this and they’re just making my mental health worse. I spend most days not doing anything, suffering in some small annoying way that’s enough to keep me from being able to focus on anything, and going to the relief of bed, to repeat forever.

I’m realizing that I’m just lonely. I’m so lonely. Everything is so different now than it was even three years ago; so many of my online friends are gone, even if we’re still mutuals on tumblr; the first online community I ever joined that first got me into online friendships and animanga has long since disbanded. Various mutuals on here I never really talked to but was used to seeing in my activity are gone. Other friends have changed slightly, though they’re still dear to me; I have new ones that are dear to me too, but yet others that I don’t feel a real connection with, and it feels like we’re just surface level acquaintances. One of my two closest and best of friends, one of the first friends I ever made years ago, abandoned me late last year, and to be honest I don’t know why. I did hurt her, but I feel confident in saying that it wasn’t to a degree that was unforgivable, or at least wasn’t worthy of a chance to redeem myself, so.... yeah, I don’t know why. She had changed a lot by that point, shut down a lot, and when I set her off and she left, it was as if all that time we’d spent so close together meant absolutely nothing anymore, had never happened... I don’t understand it. It hurts so much. I tried to contact her in other ways multiple times, by letter and by email, apologizing profusely, and she ignored all of them. It hurts and I’ve thought about it so much, I know I haven’t truly coped with it yet, but have only tried to ignore it, and I desperately need someone to tell me that I didn’t do anything wrong (at least, not wrong enough for that reaction). Cause right now I just still hate myself for it deep down, am so worried about her, worried about how she is right now, wish I knew what she was thinking/thought then, all because of my mistake..... I don’t understand, I don’t know what to do, and it makes me think that all this time I’ve been a lot more terrible of a person than I’ve ever known, and that I’ll just keep accidentally pushing people away by trying to get too close, just like her.

She abandoned me, the few “adult friends” I’ve had irl abandoned me and never talk to me anymore once they stopped working for us, so I guess I’m just cursed this way. The main thing is that I’m seeking and craving interactions with people that no one I know want to have; I love analyzing fiction and getting into the meta and all that stuff, said online friend who abandoned me and I were on nearly the same wavelength when it came to this kind of thing, and we talked for hours and hours about different series and what made them work and why they didn’t work, getting real Deep(tm), and going against popular fandom opinions we thought were wrong (cause we were/are in the minority who disagreed with some of the praise for certain big name series lmao) lol, and that was my normal for a few years... and to have all that be gone is so alien. We were going to collab on a fic together, and that barely got off the ground before she left. I’m dying to have it all back so much, but none of my other friends are into that kind of discussion like she was, and I feel like a piece of shit for acting like they’re “lesser” than her for that, but that’s basically how I’m unintentionally acting.... and I hate myself for it. But I can’t help it; I don’t know what to do. I just know I’m bursting at the seams practically with so much I want to talk about and do that I can’t and I’m so lonely and it’s all so frustrating and depressing and I’m so tired of it all. So aimless and tired and bored and unmotivated and afraid and wishing more than ever that I had 2016 back, before everything became so fucked up in so many ways.

I’m so sorry, anyone who’s friends with me now reading this; you’re all so important to me and I don’t mean to act like you’re not. I’m just sorry I’m such a mess. I need a new purpose, but I don’t know what that is. Maybe I should use this blog to write more meta posts, besides that one. Maybe I should actually post my fics here, although as everyone on tumblr knows, fics get even less notes than art does, so even though my MHA fics get a decent amount of attention as it is, maybe it wouldn’t matter if I put them here too. Is it obvious I’m just a lazy greedy lonely ass craving validation and attention and friendship at this point.......... lol......... I’m just a wreck, I feel so suppressed and aimless, trapped in a life that’s too suffocating and alone for me. And I don’t know how long I and this blog are going to stay this way, so........ I’m sorry, anyone who cares.

Thank you, everyone who’s followed me and still follow me; I appreciate you all so much, and haven’t forgotten a single one of you early ones I’ve talked to before. Hopefully eventually this blog will feel more alive again, eventually........ eventually.............. whenever I find what it is I need, somehow. In the meantime I’ll just keep reblogging MHA posts like a broken record I guess lol.

#personal posts #this is long overdue #I say as if I have a huge following and people who've been Waiting For News #looooooooool #tl;dr i am a lonely friendless bitch who wants attention and validation and friendship Exactly Like It Used To Be #stuck with probably all of the big mental health illnesses out there now who can't get jack shit done #........so basically like every other person on tumblr lmao #almost every day is pointless now even moreso than they already were #when will I be Free (hint: never as long as I stay stuck in a disabled body in a sheltered house with no friends and parents who don'tgetme

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productivewriting · 6 years ago

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Inevitably Entwined *In Progress*

Chapter 1 - Exo & NCT Mafia

I’ll upload as regularly as I can, this is mainly an Exo fiction, though many groups will end up mentioned as characters. Please keep in mind that however anyone is depicted in this fiction has no relevance to how these people are in real life and is not how I personally view them. It’s just for the sake of the story line. I hope you enjoy if you’re reading it <3 (The next chapter will be on my profile until I can set up a better system of linking them into one post)

Chapter 1 - Prologue It was already getting dark by the time the two dark figures wandering with little sense of direction up the cracked and worn pavement found their heavy feet leading them back to the house they had both insisted to one another they would never call home. But there was nothing else like this place, a house built by their family, protected by their family. The slightly taller of the two slammed a tired fist into the solid wood of the door that stood between their freedom and their imprisonment. Unlike most jailed, they were walking straight into their prison, knowing that if they stepped in here now, there was no coming out. * * * Chapter 1 : Everything Started Here - The sun had disappeared from the sky hours ago, taking away the warmth in the air with it, consequently raising goose bumps along the pale skin of my exposed arms and legs as I forced one foot in front of the other down the quiet street. The city was never lifeless, even at this hour, but the air hummed with less intensity than the day and anyone else wandering the streets quickly disappeared from view. It wasn’t the first time I’d been out here at this time and so the unnatural lack of bustle and activity didn’t overly bother me. It had been almost 3 days now that I had been alone, and though I was aware of my capability to look after myself, it was surprising how well luck had held out on my side for the last 72 hours. The throbbing in my left ankle was a harsh reminder that however well I’d thought things were going, they were no longer going in that direction and the need to find somewhere to lay low for a few hours and even catch up on the sleep that my body desperately craved and needed itched deeply in my weary bones. I hunched my shoulders forward and turned my face to the side as a young couple, probably too engrossed in one another to even notice me anyway, wandered past. Too many people were out for me to continue at this pace and hold onto my sanity. Every passing figure could be someone from my family, the city was full of people like my family, people that would gladly murder me on sight if they could see the dark ink masterpiece of our family emblem on the my left shoulder, forever claiming me to something I wanted no part in. I might have scoffed on a normal day at the minor inconvenience of coming from generations of mafia men, a family orchestrated into a dirty business sometime years before I was born. The aspect that I belonged to a family that insisted on referring to themselves as ‘NCT’ as if having a name to direct the blame of blood, pain and death that followed them was something to wear proudly on my sleeve, was a joke that I’d lived with until now. A bubble of laughter remained trapped in my throat - I’d always stuck out like a bright yellow flag in our family, amiss of the violence that most of them had acquired either by circumstance or blood. Despite my disregard for our family business, NCT had created quite a record for themselves throughout the past and not only in the dark world of drugs. No matter how hard I tried now to escape my duty to the establishment, it was inevitable that I would be unwillingly dragged back into it. A neon lit sign dangling haphazardly above a nearby doorway into a less than appealing looking building grabbed my attention and I slowed my pace to catch what the brightly lit words said. ‘Cheap rooms’ Of course, the first option that came along was a building that looked like it was barely standing in the strong wind that was buffering around it. Some of the windows were smashed whilst others had ominous boarding over them that indicated either damage to the glass panes or suspicion that damage would be caused; both options a source for concern if I was going to be spending a night in one of them. However, I was desperate, and this was the best option I was probably going to find tonight or at all and it would be incredibly stupid to pass it up when the heaviness of my limbs was making each step a fresh difficulty to face. I swallowed down the nauseatingly ominous feeling that the building gave me and shouldered my way through the heavy wooden door that creaked loudly in protest, clearly rarely used and not very well secured on the hinges. A young woman, maybe only a few years older than my 20, looked up from the fold of her arms where her head had been resting comfortably at the sound. Her wide brown eyes betrayed her surprise as she stood up slowly, proving beyond a doubt that this was a rarely frequented place that I should be running away from, not eagerly asking for a cheap room to spend the night in. “What brings you to this kind of place to spend the night?” She asked casually as she handed me the room key in exchange for the bundle of change that I passed over the counter that barely qualified as anything more than a long-abandoned school desk. It was the first exchange of words between us not strictly related to the renting of the room I was gripping the key to in my sweating palm. Whether my skin was sweating because I was nervous or because my muscles trembled with the need to have my weight off them I didn’t know. Her words were casual, but her eyes were curious as I shoved the key into my back pocket, ignoring the hard throb in my foot as I shifted my weight to display my discomfort at her question, hoping it was enough to dissuade her from asking more. “I’m desperate.” I murmured, avoiding eye contact with her. As easily as I knew the right groups of people on the street to avoid ending up in a conflict, I knew that it was stupid to place any trust in anyone I spoke to outside of my family. At the best of times even my family were beyond trusting. Though this woman with her soft rounded face and smile lines looked like someone you should be able to trust, coming from a family like mine meant you knew that people like her were the exact ones to worry about. People that smiled and spoke in sugary voices, all soft edges and seemingly carefree questions; they were the ones who would trade you without hesitation for money, for sex, for that drug that they were addicted to. There were few people that you could trust on instinct when you grew up knowing things that young girls shouldn’t know and there were few things that could shake you when you grew up with that knowledge. So although my soul ached with a childlike need that had never been filled to lean against the young woman in front of me and unleash the dam of tears and thoughts, I knew better. She shrugged and nodded easily at my response, either knowing better than to prod at the less than satisfactory answer or not caring enough to get herself involved in someone else’s worries. * * * The inside of the building was a haven compared to the outside, the hallway carpeted with plush red coverings and the walls a soft creamy white that emanated a clean smell rather than the horrible scents I’d been expecting to find. Though the doors looked a little worse for wear, they were intact and seemed functional enough at a glance. A small set of ten steps led up to another floor, the one the room I’d booked was located on, at my request. The height gave me a slight sense of an advantage, I would be able to hear anyone coming up and down these creaking steps in the night. It shouldn’t be something that a 20 year old needed to worry about, whether members of her own family would find her in the night and either kill her or take her back to the last place on earth she wanted to ever step foot in again; home. Alas the world worked in strange and often horrible ways, so tonight would no doubt be the longest of the past three I had spent running. Now stationary and not having the advantage of moving constantly from one spot to another, I was more vulnerable than I had been since I started running from them. After a few moments of pauses in front of various doors to check the metal numbers displayed, I found the one with a number matching the silver key in my hand. A pleasant and vague smell of vanilla hit my nose as I allowed the door to swing open, keeping a cautionary gaze fixed on the inner darkness of the room as I sought out a light switch, fingers fumbling numbly for a few moments before finding it and flicking it up. A warm glow flooded the room, highlighting the small kitchen that I was moving into, kicking the door closed behind me, and the open layout of the entire room. Just beyond the edge of the kitchen tiling a dark carpet covered enough space for a double bed, small closet which I suspected was probably empty save for a few spare towels and bed sheets and a table that looked barely big enough to seat two people despite the four chairs squeezed around the solid wooden furniture. A door was slightly ajar at the far side of the bed, bathroom appliances gleamed beyond it with a clean glow, looking ironically to be much less crowded than the rest of the room. An airy sigh of relief expelled out of my lungs on a breath that I hadn’t known I was holding until it was released, and I slumped down into one of the rickety chairs, stretching out my legs gratefully. If my bones could have creaked with the movement, they would have been.

Somehow it seemed like I’d been blessed with one of the better rooms with a window that was neither broken nor boarded up, adding to my mounting relief. The muscles in my legs throbbed at the sudden lack of my weight on them and fatigue gripped me in its clutches now that I was finally sitting down. With the sudden and unexpected peace all of the emotions that I’d been running from nonstop for the last three days loomed dangerously close under the surface of my calm façade.

Though this was the first time in days that I’d stopped for longer than a minute to think about the choices I’d made, the last thing I needed was to begin to drown under the weight of my choice.

Leaving that house, that family, wasn’t a choice I had made lightly or on a sudden whim but the consequences of leaving were nothing to laugh at.

Especially if I got caught.

The last three days had been hard, adjusting from the comfort of a luxurious life thanks to blood money to walking without stopping and surviving on energy I didn’t have had been hard.

But it was harder to stay in a house where innocent people were turned into monsters, where good people did bad things because it was what they had to do to get their next paycheck to stay alive.

Every room had a different story of death or heartbreak and every member that walked through the silent halls had blood staining their soul. My skin rolled with disgust at the memories of the things they’d done to people.

At the sickening smile on Jungwoo’s otherwise sweet face as he choked the life out of a young boy who insisted he wasn’t the one behind the drug drought or the distraught look on a woman’s face as Taeyong stared unforgivably coldly down at her dying child in her arms.

A child he had let die in a bust gone wrong, someone he had been responsible for but cared nothing for when they died at his carelessness.

Physical nausea writhed in my gut as memory after memory like that ate at me, memories that weren’t even the ultimate reason I’d left.

Of course not every single person living under the NCT name were doing the things they did for bad reasons, not all of them enjoyed doing the things that had to be done.

A lot of them hadn’t even been born into the family. Not like I had, with the history of a whole mafia family lapping at my heels and urging me down a path of destruction.

No, most of them were there because my grandfather had taken them in as impressionable children with nothing left for them. He’d promised them a roof, food, safety amongst our family as long as they promised in return to one day work for him, to protect us the way we’d protected them.

What kid would turn down such a harmless offer?

The thoughts in my mind refused to stand still even as my head dropped down onto the table and sleep claimed my exhausted body.

The gentle vibration in my pocket drew me out of the restless slumber and I sat up, instantly alert and tense.

Though nothing about the room seemed out of place I forced myself onto my feet, using the brisk search of the room to wake myself up properly.

There was still things to do before I could rest properly. The vibration ceased and I pulled the offending device from my pocket, surprised that it even had any dregs of charge left in it.

Hundreds of messages, some threatening and some concerned, lit up my screen and I scrolled until I found the name of the only person that I cared about messaging me.

There it was, that stupid little green bubble that indicated a missed message followed by the name of the only person in this world that I’d ever trusted more than myself.

Kim Sana.

Not only was she the only person I had ever trusted, she was the prodigy of NCT.

Since a young age Sana had shown an adeptly wide range of skills and abilities that far exceeded most full grown adults in the mafia game.

Despite this, she was the only one I’d ever met who, like myself, had refused to be sent out on heists or missions.

With a low tolerance for bullying and violence, she stuck out alongside my bright yellow like a vibrant red in a sea of black and white shades.

I prayed to whatever gods were listening that she hadn’t done something stupid yet, as was highly possible given her volatile sense of decision making.

It was her call that had pulled me from the brief and blissful sleep I’d been getting and I hesitantly pressed the screen to return to missed call, preparing myself for the coming conversation. A whole day of sleep wouldn’t be likely to prepare me for her anger.

I hadn’t told her when I’d left, both because there had been no time and because it complicated things to involve the most wanted 19 year old in the underground world of Seoul.

“Choi Eun-Jae! Where the hell are you?” She barely less than screamed into her phone after the second ring and I moved the device further from my ear in an attempt to protect my eardrums.

The high-pitched complaining continued for the next few minutes before silence fell and I returned the receiver slowly to my ear, letting out a quiet sigh.

“Hello to you too.” My eyes drew to the window, taking in the solid pane of glass with vague curiosity as I spoke. “I had to leave, things were getting out of hand and- I just couldn’t stay.”

Interestingly lucky that I’d been given one of the few good rooms.

“I know Eunnie.. But you shouldn’t be out there alone. What about when Johnny finds out, what the hell will you do then?” I couldn’t help the small snort of amusement that came out of my lips at her words despite her serious tone and could easily picture her rolling her eyes and putting her small face into her hands in exasperation at my inability to take the situation seriously.

Normally the roles were reversed.

“Johnny doesn’t scare me.” The wind buffered at the window pane, making the glass panes rattle loosely in place and the sound set my nerves on edge, filling me with an uneasy apprehension.

The small hairs on the back of my neck rose as I leaned forward in my seat, a frown beginning to furrow my eyebrows and crease my forehead.

Abruptly the sweet vanilla that had previously filled my nose seemed sour and the open layout that had earlier felt so liberating and comforting seemed like a trap designed to give me no space to hide.

Sana was quiet for a moment, the silence stretching too long as I struggled not to become immersed by deranged worries.

Despite years of training for being out in the world alone, I was not amiss to the fact that I was the least prepared for being out here alone with only my own skills to rely on.

“Maybe not, but Donghyuk and Seungri should.” Her voice was quieter than before when it finally came again and slightly muffled now.

Her words were laced with the worry and concern that were continuing to grow in the back of my own mind.

I rolled out the growing tension in my shoulders and stood quietly, making my way quickly to the window with the phone pressed to my ear carefully by the pressure from my shoulder.

More than likely the bad feeling eating at me was nothing. She had a valid point, though.

My family’s business leader Johnny should be the most intimidating and worrying person for me and yet right now his side man and woman, Yoon Seungri and Lee Donghyuk were much more formidable problems.

It was highly likely that if Johnny even knew I was missing, he wouldn’t care enough to pursue a skinny 20 year old whose skills were sub par and wouldn’t be missed greatly.

Johnny had always been gentle and even tempered, coming into the top position by unfortunate events raher than desire and he left much, if not all, of the decisions to his most trusted members.

If Donghyuk and Seungri weren’t in charge, things would be very different for me, maybe for all of the family.

“Eunnie?” Sana’s affectionate name for me echoed emptily in my ears as I peered out through the glass into the dimly lit street below.

Just like when I’d dragged myself along it an hour ago, it was dark, and the sidewalk was cluttered with rubbish and cars that looked like they’d been parked for longer than this building had been standing.

Despite the heavy sense of abandonment and the almost foreboding darkness that the lack of streetlights created, it seemed safe enough.

Probably not a street a normal teenage girl would turn down at this hour and to the naked eye there were no obvious warning signs.

But finding the most minute details in the safest looking situations was just one of the things I’d spent the last ten long years of my life training for and something about the seemingly peaceful street below didn’t feel right.

Two sleek black cars parked at the very beginning of the street, neatly and slyly blocking the road against any passing vehicles immediate view, caught my eye and I tilted my head, peering intensely at them for any sign of movement or an understand of why the sight of them made my skin crawl.

But if there was anyone sitting in the expensive interior of the cars I couldn’t tell, the tinted glass windows paired with the darkness of the night made it too difficult to see anything, leaving me clueless as to why they were even there.

These cars did a poor job of blending in to their surroundings, indicating there was no urgency to remain unnoticed and yet there was no obvious reason to block off an entire street with two cars.

As my gaze continued to flicker around the street, searching for anything else out of place, the growing feeling of suspicion reached an undeniably stressful height.

Despite it being a twenty-four-hour hotel offering up cheap rooms, the neon lit sign was now no longer casting its light on the street. It could just be coincidence that the lady downstairs had turned it off.

Or it could be something more.

My knuckles turned white as I gripped the window sill hard between my fingers and palm, ignoring the pain it caused.

There was no logical business reasoning to turning off the only marketing a twenty-four-hour hotel had going for them.

“Sana, they’ve found me.” I said more calmly into my phone than I felt, swiftly turning away from the window and heading towards my discarded jacket, the only thing I’d brought with me.

With every step my ankle screeched in protest at the weight being put on it, magnifying my dread.

If it was a struggle to walk then how was I going to get myself out of this situation.

“Get out of there.” She hissed into the phone, sounding somehow more on edge than I was feeling. I forced the jacket on, patting the pockets to ensure nothing had fallen out; the familiar lumps of the items I’d shoved into the pockets, including my money, remained comfortingly in place despite the hell that was about to break loose.

“Sana, be careful at home.” The soft warning barely left my lips before I hung up and shoved my phone into my pocket, heart pounding heavily in my chest now. She didn’t need to be told to be careful, Sana was careful even in her sleep, so the words were more for my sake than hers.

The hallway outside of my room suddenly seemed thick with tension when I stepped out into it, casting my gaze warily left to right.

There wasn’t exactly a lot of escape options in the small building and so far the only exit I’d seen was the entrance which I couldn’t just simply prance out of like I’d walked in.

“Idiot.” I reprimanded myself below my breath, heading down towards the end of the corridor that I hadn’t yet been down, hoping that an answer would show itself in the form of an open door or fire escape to the outside world.

It had been stupid to slow down, to let myself breath for a moment and if I couldn’t find a way out of this hotel then I was going to pay with it for my life.

As strong as my family’s bonds are, leaving them had always been an unofficial but very real death sentence.

That’s why everyone stayed, enduring the messy life of mafia rather than abandoning it and living out a normal life.

There had been very few people who had ever attempted leaving and even less when those who did were killed or befell tragic

accidents.

The heartbroken face of Ten, who nobody knew the real name of, flew unbidden to my mind as I paused at the begging of the steps upward to the next floor. Poor Ten who had lost everything in one swift blow of a rival gang’s fist, forcing his youngest brother’s skull into the hard concrete where he’d died instantly. Naïve Ten who had come running to Donghyuck, begging him to help or give him time to grieve.

Ten who had been broken by the simple withering stare Donghyuck had thrown at him before leaving the room with little more than a ‘people die, get used to it.’ The once annoyingly cheerful Ten had fallen to his knees, head in his hands as he screamed that he couldn’t stay here, couldn’t be a part of this family anymore.

My stomach rolled nauseously yet again at the memory of Sana and I holding his sobbing body through the night, doing our best to ease his pain.

He hadn’t left, because he knew that leaving was a suicide mission and slowly over the weeks his gentle face had lost its compassion, replaced with the hard reality of losing someone every few days and of sacrificing things for those that mattered little to you.

He appeared less and less around the big mansion that we called home, preferring to spend the little time he wasn’t underground or undercover with exotic women who helped him forget the family he continued to lose each day. He was no longer the young man who had screamed for his brother, he was just a well-oiled machine orchestrated by Donghyuck and Seungri to go through the motions, to get his own hands dirty on their behalf.

I shook my head to rid myself of the haunting thoughts.

Almost every member of our business had a similar story.

Losing people was a daily occurrence, loving was not an option.

It was enough to make anyone lose their humanity. Everyone who was a part of it was bound to end up a monster, whether it was who they were or because it just happened that way.

There was no running from that, becoming a monster was all that was in store for any of my family.

And I was one of them.

#fanfiction #exo #nct #chanyeol #story #donghyuk #mafia

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